27 December 2008

things to love this week

just when i was reading the news of the day and thinking to myself "oh, what's the point? we're all going to hell in a handbasket anyway, aren't we?" on thursday, stuart copeland burrowed his little kitty face into the pit of my elbow and promptly started snoring. there are few things in this world i find cuter than the sound of a cat sawing logs and sprawling sideways in an undignified position. at one point he held his breath for that extra second and then let out a large meaningful sigh before cranking up the saw again. it was adorable.

zhen sent me the fly!!! after weeks (okay, so it was days that felt like forever) of anticipation, i have the most fabulous new piece of art. it's signed on the bottom and i actually know the artist and her fondness for cupcakes. how's that for spectacular culture? the fly is now moving around the living room in search of that perfect spot to be shown off to all who enter. aha! i think i see the spot now.

i baked this morning... without being depressed. this is a feat for me. it used to be that i would only enter the kitchen when i was feeling blue. today i made two batches of great baked french toast using raisin challah bread. one was with peppered bacon and amaretto, as well as a dish with bananas and caramel. i am a baked french toast genius.

the bactine spray stuff remains near the kitchen. i'm still a train wreck with hot glass baking dishes. who knew they'd be so damn hot?

remember how it was 8 degrees (before the wind chill) here on monday? of course you don't, but i do. then it was 50... then it was 70. then there was a thunderstorm. now we still have the balcony door open for a breeze. we can have every season in seven days or less. it's like a crazy kind of weather thunderdome around here, and i love it. two seasons enter, one season leaves!

EEE, kris is here. we're doing brunch with le bebe audrey tomorrow after i get off work. it just goes to show how well someone knows you when they ask if you're okay when you tell them you're baking. she sounded like she had keys in hand to come over and rescue me until i reassured her that i was fine. gotta love it when you have a real friend. it still weirds me out that she has a child who is now a whole year old. almost like a person! holy crap!

random goofy fact about me:
i've driven the entire distance of I-5

21 December 2008


derek got to meet millie. bwah, i'm not so jealous. we're making a trip to north carolina next month and i'll get to cuddle with her then. he did bring me postcards and a cup from his rather hellish trip to new york. (see previous post) now he's hanging out with dizzy and basking in the glow of how much she missed him this week.

of course i've been busy since mary has come to town. you knew that, didn't you? we now have some new matching underpants (sort of), matching plaid skirts that we wore at the same time out on our date last night, and mary has finally had the joy of eating cauliflower.

honestly - even with all i know about my peeps, i am still shocked on a regular basis. i gave the girl egg rolls. i gave the girl guacamole. who knew she'd never had cauliflower before? the occasion was marked by me (yes, ME!) being the one to cook dinner for us... and she really enjoyed it! all parties involved survived the chicken and i learned how to properly use that little metal steamer thing you stick inside a pot.

it isn't that i haven't missed derek or that mary hasn't missed tim. we've just been using our time wisely to dork out on the things that matter to us on our own. we had free samples of cider. we went to a museum. we ate baked goods and walked in the cold. we shopped for clothes, which is amazing considering that neither one of us is a big clothes hound. we watched a whole bunch of thirty second bunny theatre. we looked at trashy magazines and made fun of people. it was a pretty fun day that ended with us rolling around on the sofa with the cats until the wee hours having coffee and liqueurs.

i can't wait until kris comes to visit! and my fly is on the way here! i got all my shoes fixed! we cleaned out the closet and gave away lots of stuff! ladonna gave me a new kind of cheese! if this sounds like a lame amount of excitement for the week, well too bad. my world is rocking with humble moments of glee.

the strangest feeling:
after a year, it finally looks like we live in our house.

planes, trains, automobiles, derek, and tim

if ever you are jealous of all the business travel that derek gets to do, you can feel sorry for him now. he just arrived home about an hour ago after a very long journey. mary has a version of what happened on her blog... and a faboo photo of me in target. go click on her and check it out.

14 December 2008


derek says i'm more fidgety (then ever before!) on my new pill. i've taken to random humming, which i'm the last one to hear. it would seem that my favorite involuntary song as of late is the theme to spiderman. yes, you heard that one right. now that's a catchy little tune, isn't it?

spiderman, spiderman, blah blah blah, i don't know the words.... now you have a new earworm to get rid of as best you can. you're welcome.

i'm also a ninja. my prancing around the house includes kicking and squealing with my animal noises. i think i kicked derek in the forehead by accident while we were on the couch tonight, but it wasn't that hard. he's just a sissy. my contention stands that it was the head butt (HIS idea) that did us both in and led me to making funny faces in the night.

weather oddity report:
this morning? light jacket and comfy
this afternoon? short sleeve shirt and sweating
this evening? snowing and ice

12 December 2008

random side notes - chapter nineteen

this morning i went to see "milk" when i was out running around town. wow. can i even tell you more than just wow and do it justice? all i can say is that it's a total recommend from me. i had to pull over on the drive home because i was still so emotional from the film; this, a story to which i already knew several of the details beforehand. let's just say this: it was disconcertingly human.

feng shui attack at my house! so far this week we've made a little headway in both the bathroom and bedroom closets. i'm going to take in the clothing this week, and i've already gone by the vet's office to take them my old linens and towels. we've already been selling and giving away our media on a pretty consistent basis this year. my kitchen is emptying of all its extras. if only i can get a handle on the paper/office/whatnot supplies and all the bizarre randomness (why do i have so many finger puppets? oh yeah, i love toys!) that invades my house, i'll be well on my way to reclaiming every bit of space i've got to make neater piles.

went to another audition. still didn't get a part. ho hum. maybe the timing is just off for me right now. something will surely come up and it'll be great. in the meantime i can always have some free evenings and entertain myself otherwise.

only a few more days until mary and tim get here - WOOT! we can't wait for them to visit and just hang out with us and the cats. mary makes me feel so utterly normal. when i'm around her, it's like i'm an amplified version of myself without having to feel strange about it. just like kris, she's seen me at my absolute best and worst; we've been through the best and worst with each other. getting two best friends in your life is honestly shocking.

since my birthday fell on a holiday weekend, we waited until this past sunday to have my birthday party. now that i'm old enough to be president, we all dressed in flag colors and had streamers all over julie's house. barbara even coordinated the towels in the bathroom to be red, white, and blue for me. liz was made my official cheese czar, thanks to a special dish that had us all picking bits off the bottom of the dish with our fingertips by night's end. i asked for everyone to give something back to the community through donations (the probable cause of my feng shui attack) instead of giving me gifts, thereby discovering that i have very civic-minded friends in my circle. big ups to my peeps.

i look really cute in knee socks and little skirts.

we're into week four of my new pill, as well as week two at full strength. things seem to be going better than expected so far. i can still cry - even sob with gusto - as evidenced at the movie. my irrational moments are still intense and can spiral without warning. i'm sleeping about as regularly as before, though my energy level can go up and down sometimes. i seem to chew a lot of gum and make a few more funny noises than i did before, but to less of an extent than was happening at first. my posture is quite good.

do i trust it yet? not really, but i'm "the other shoe" kind of a girl. one might even diagnose me with other shoe syndrome. still holding my breath... if only because i'm not used to having a bad day without it being a warning sign that i'm going completely fucking mental. surprisingly, i didn't even lose my shit at work today. we'll see.

derek made me lemon pepper chicken! with broccoli! and smoked cheese! my diet before this meal today included cereal, popcorn, applesauce on hobnobs, and coffee. what would i do without him to take pity on me at dinnertime?

more exciting news: my fly is nearly on the way. i bought a lovely piece of art from zhenia to add to my fledgling collection. i've been coveting this fly for some time now and can't wait to get it in my grubby hands. the more hundred bucks or less items i pick up in my travels, the better my walls have begun to look. it's made me crazy for albums and frames as of late. linsey thinks i'm a picture frame addict now. between all the postcards we get and the photos i've been receiving from people, it's really starting to look like we live here. jeez, it only took a year for that to happen.

albums i heart this week:
ingrid michaelson - be ok
black kids - partie traumatic
jens lekman - night falls over kortedala (EEE!)

03 December 2008

tuesday's morning of hilarity

6.28 am: wake up and think "wasn't i supposed to be at work at 6 today?" while wondering if the clock is lying to me. shoot out of bed, sit back down again, get up again and walk to other room... only to be tripped by cats on the way to coffeemaker.

6.31 am: call work and ask if it's really 6.30 in the morning. inform katie that i'll be there when i get there. drink coffee and feed cats at the same time as i do the pee pee dance. proceed to pee in the dark because i'm too confused to find the light switch and then go to get dressed.

6.36 am: put on underpants backwards and yank on them until front is up to my neck before realizing what the problem is. finish getting dressed and look for shoes for next five minutes, only to find that they are in my hand.

7.12 am: arrive at work taking last swig of coffee and am informed that i sound very cute when i'm still half-asleep. yay for me. i'm cute. pill begins to kick in and i need food.

8.37 am: take out trash and recycling. use pen as a knife to stab tape along bottom of box of recycling.

8.43 am: answer phone. more lines ring. answer phone. eat protein bar. answer phone. more lines ring. answer phone. lose mind. eat dried cherries. answer phone.

9.11 am: reach for pen in back pocket. discover pen has exploded in pants. pull out hand to reveal black splotches up and down hand. spend next ten minutes in the bathroom alternately washing hands and trying to get splotch off pants while getting more ink on hands. finish up by stuffing back pocket with paper towels to soak up water and ink all over my butt. leave bathroom with ink on sleeves and lopsided booty.

11.14 am: leave for lunch late and promptly run into office door while on the way to get my keys. decide to take myself out for a sandwich. get in car, turn out of parking lot and watch purse entirely dump over out of passenger's seat. drive down road hearing more little clinks as every single item, including the receipt graveyard and things previously thought to be stuck to bottom of lining, proceed to eject themselves from purse.

11.22 am: text derek "i surrender!"

11.27 am: derek calls to make fun of me.

11.34 am: choke on horseradish from sandwich. try to discreetly make loogey noise to dislodge food chunks from brain. horseradish comes flying down throat to choke me for a second time while three tables full of construction workers around me turn to stare in amazement at my impending death from sandwich.

11.53 am: chain smoke on the way back to work. get out of car at work and check seat for black ink. whew. vow to get home safely and pull covers over head as soon as possible. hear phones ringing in the distance.

why today was even crazier:
stepped up to full strength on my new pill. yeesh! it's times like these that i'm thankful for some of the other crazy people at work who are entertained by my fidgeting. at least i got home without choking or making a mess of my pants and having people asked what happened.

29 November 2008

friday was not so black

we were all bracing for impact yesterday at work as i walked in and grabbed my normal snacky bar for breakfast. opened the doors, turned on the music, aaannd.... a whole bunch of not much. we even had time to clean and fuss over displays. business picked up some after lunchtime, but it was by no means anything earth-shattering. the same thing was happening all over town from what i hear. the usual black friday places (toys r us, wal mart, etc.) got hit. everyone else just had a busier day than normal.

i'm not an economist, but i do have skills of observation. people seem to be very efficiently
cherry-picking what they want this year. the few pre-thanksgiving specials we had going were hit very hard on wednesday. we'll surely be quite busy as desperation time comes around and people just need anything they find at the last minute. other than that, i don't see a shopping tsunami coming along in the interim.

it might be a bad thing on sheer sales volume, but it's more relaxing for me at work. being able to take the time to speak to a person and figure out what they really want (as opposed to simply shoving something at them to get them to shut up) is a relief. maybe the quality will be able to overcome the quantity aspect. it would be refreshing to think i'm doing a good job.

in any case, i'm off the rest of the weekend! whee!!! i should really get to cleaning the house for veronica's visit. i know better than to say i'll get it done later in the week. now, which piles are appropriate to make taller?

tomorrow's plans:

26 November 2008

bawk bawk woof woof pfffffffft

i didn't get the part. it's actually not bad news. the girl who did get it is completely adorable and perfect for the show, so i'm not even worried about it. the better news is that liz did the get part i wanted her to get; the part that we all secretly wanted to have anyway. it looks to be a really fun production. wheee!

there is a possibility that i'm doing okay on medication... for now. (still obviously very suspicious of this stuff, ain't we?) you know those really weepy commercials for the ASPCA that sneak up on you without warning? i got ambushed by damn sarah maclachlan and sad pets the other night and started sniffling right away. so my personality is not completely dead to the world. it's better if these things get sprung on me without notice so that i can gauge my reaction WITHOUT trying to put myself in a state of basket case to test the results.

speaking of which, the shopping trip for a coffeemaker was apparently derek's test to see if i would freak out and crumble into a pile on the floor of target. which is something i've done before, sitting there like i have to pee with my face turning white and my head sweating while i rock back and forth in a daze, all the while refusing to get up and leave the store. my nervous breakdowns in public have style, i tell you. this time we managed to get out of there with only a minimal spell of "am i making the right choice here?" and foot shuffling. tempting fate, i forced him to stop by walgreen's on the way home and had another small but important success.

my face is still a little sore but getting better. tim and mary both noted that i have the tendency to make bizarre noises all the time anyway. isn't it strange how you don't notice your own little habits until they're totally amplified? the constant yawning is odd. i went into a crazytown riff yesterday about it, wondering if all this yawning means that i'm not getting enough oxygen to my brain and if the pills are giving me brain damage and how i'm going to end up a giant clucking and barking potato head.

moments of irrationality still intact? check! ability to still engage in wild spiraling for no reason? check! pulling myself together - how the fuck did that happen? i don't know if i'm comfortable with that. maybe i'll just have to look at it as a dip in the mania to make myself feel better. my anxiety and moodiness is an integral part of what gives me the energy to do things. it's too disturbing to think that... i'm not even going to say it. making these sorts of steps leads me into needing a psychological placebo to reassure me that i am still myself.

why i'm relaxed anyway:
got a haircut this morning. don't you just love it when someone else washes your hair for you?

22 November 2008

RIP, coffee

what will i do? how will i live? sigh.

the coffeemaker died this morning. i loved that little thing. megan left it for me as a gift with purchase of the apartment. it brewed quickly and had a timer i could operate with ease. i can hear those last puny drips of death from the kitchen now as it tries to make some sort of farewell sludge for me. i shall mourn the loss and move on with bravado to other caffeinated contraptions. boo hoo, sniff sniff... oh, the times we've shared.

errands for the day:
buy new coffeemaker
mail at post office (i'm back!)
audition for a play
get vitamins and cat litter

21 November 2008

your face hurts? well, it's killing me!

day three of pillsville.

i drank a gallon of water yesterday. this also happens to me when i take a claritin, an hopefully it's only temporary. it's probably good for me. i hate drinking water and usually only do it to balance out the coffee. then i can have coffee as my reward. meow meow meow.

humming (which is a normal habit for me) has taken on a whole new level. with the addition of the "la la la la la la" song in all of ts various incarnations, i'm quite the little noisebox. making my mouth shiver on command is another new talent to exploit. i also babble. even more than i did before, but in a way that makes derek want to listen... at least that's what he just said.

the energy in my body is more focused. it's hard to explain. when i move, it feels like everything i have is going into moving one body part. hi-yahhh! it's like being bruce lee. or like coming down the morning after. this explains why i suddenly got the urge to buy a mondo vat of orange juice and a pack of gum.

there has been no googling on my part, although i did ask derek to check on the ratio of chicken noises made. he said he couldn't find anything about vocal ticks and this pill, so i'm going to proudly declare myself a medical oddity. but in a fun and humourous way. woof! this must be one of those "rare" side effects they don't tell you about. if i need to know anything else, i'll have him just look it up and filter out all the scariness with a simple yes or no answer back to me. teamwork is key here.

if things keep up, i should be rid of my double chin(s) by the end of the week. my constant cycle of noises, relaxation, and yawning to exercise my face makes me think i'm hungry, but my jaw is too tired to eat anything very crunchy. this is a great excuse to go on a creative burrito binge. i can stuff just about anything into a tortilla and make it good. spinach, pb&j, eggs, avocados, corned beef and cheese. it'll be just like getting all of my food through a tube, but one made of floury goodness.

two books i'm reading right now:
why we suck - denis leary
outliers - malcolm gladwell

20 November 2008

the chemical experiment

in my house, we do not celebrate xmas. this is because we do not like it. (and i'm not being the overbearing bitch that's speaking for derek against his will here. he really doesn't like it either, even if he doesn't brace himself against it in the same way i do.) to most people i know, it's a joyous and wonderful time of year when blah-bitty blah-bitty blah. ummmm, yeah. what. ever. to me, the "holiday season" brings out the absolute worst in people. resentment, jealousy, greed, bitterness, anger, loneliness, impatience, haughtiness, overindulgence. yep, a veritable poo poo platter of what i struggle each day not to become. and yet, each year i tell myself that "this time i'm not going to let it get to me" when we start seeing xmas items in august.

didn't we used to wait until at least halloween? when the fuck did the end of the year begin before kids even go back to school? QUOI?!?

but i digress. this time i'm not going to let it get to me. no, really. i'm making a preeemptive strike against the rage. not only am i going to do my usual non-shopping month of december, but i've also decided to begin a regimen of... oh, this kind of sucks to admit, but i'm now officially trying an antidepressant again. i have given myself permission, for now, to be a crazy person and pop a pill, whether it be temporary or experimental or whatever else happens. i'm going to take mary's advice and look at it like taking a pill for allergies or asthma.

yeeesh. my shoulders are squeezed up next to my ears when i think about the reality of it. on the other hand, we've hit day two without any major snags yet. my most prominent preliminary side effect (and don't let ANYone tell you that there aren't side effects from day one of a pill that needs time to cycle through you before getting it full whatnot going on, because they're a fucking liar if they do) is the bizarre urge to make funny noises with my face. i'm a chicken! i'm a bullhorn! i'm a kitty cat! i'm a t-rex! it's mostly so i won't clench my jaw and give myself a headache. nevertheless, it's giving my facial muscles a workout (is this like doing crunches for my cheeks or am i becoming joan crawford in facial strength without even using the aid of a sleeping mask?) and entertaining derek immensely when he hears these odd noises coming from my general direction. bawk bawk bawk.

this is not the first time i've taken a crazy pill. tried in different combinations over the years, i had given up on the idea of doing it again. maybe i don't like the stigma. maybe i got the idea that i should just suck it up and get on with my life. maybe i simply don't like having to remember to take pills. i'm trying to keep an open mind this time, giving myself the option of switching or stopping if i don't think it's going well. the nice thing is, my doctor did not try to push anything on me. we've actually been discussing it for some time. this was the first time he went so far as to write it down and give me the option to go pick them up without saying "let me know" and having me go home to think about it first. jeez, i must have looked pretty blech when i went to see him yesterday. so does this mean that when i want drugs all i have to do is get up early and not drink any coffee or comb my hair? good tidbit to know.

oh, and i'm not going to read (any more than i already have) about other people who've taken this particular pill, because all that does is make me feel like i'm a fucking freak. or like it's the pill of doom. when i get a prescription of any kind, from now on i'm just going to mindlessly take it and decide how well i like it or if i never want to take it again without the foreshadowing prejudice of the internet looming over me. that's what i did back when i was a party animal and it worked out just fine for me then, too. when you're neurotic, there IS such a thing as too much information. clicking through to links of supreme scariness will not help. i asked the name of the pill, what it was, and when to take it - that's enough for me right now.

bawk bawk bawk. rrowwwrrrr.... woohoo!

something to make you laugh:
go to the onion and find the clip about the money hole

12 November 2008

things not to do when you're blue

derek is out of town again. normally i take this as a time to be alone and commune with me me me, doing all those little things you do when you have the house to yourself. i like to wander around in my pajamas and just piddle with my stuff. then i miss him and count the days until i get to go pick him up at the airport.

for some reason, after he left on sunday i was blechy. hanging out with nick was helpful, and we even went to target for random goofing off and silicone cupcake pan getting. i was fine until i got home. even the cats didn't make me feel less lonely. (oh, i'm fine now... don't worry. probably just a momentary lapse.) in an attempt to make myself feel more cheery, i inadvertently made it worse. so, as a service to you, here is my list of at least a few things to avoid when you're feeling inexplicably mooooooody:

  1. listening to aimee mann - a terrific songwriter who, when you're down, will lead you to...
  2. eating the contents of your refrigerator - i left the condiments. luckily, i don't keep much food around the house, but i did bust into the peanut butter for some added protein.
  3. watching sunset boulevard on the classic movies station as the sun goes down and you haven't turned on any lamps yet - does this really need any explaining?
  4. calling someone to go out whom you know is only going to want to stay home - normally this doesn't bother me, but i was in an "artistic moment" at the time
  5. searching for lost objects - it only makes you feel like a failure that you can't find that one thing which popped into your head for no reason. plus, it makes you end up...
  6. looking through your photos - you only miss people more
  7. realizing that holidays are coming - ugh. just fucking ugh.
  8. cleaning - anything at all, really. you would think it would make you feel better for a job well done and all, but you discover what a pig you truly are. just take out the trash instead and call it a day.
to review, just blob out and feel sorry for yourself. get one tiny thing done so you can feel productive. this should be a thing like flossing or changing into fuzzy socks that don't smell funny. maybe it could even include making a long distance call to mary and whining, because she's not going to judge you for it. otherwise you are totally allowed to wallow for a few hours and get it out of your system. trying to fix it can only make things worse until you get a good night of sleep and take the scarlett o'hara "tomorrow is another day" approach to things.

plans for tonight:
going to see forces of nature (another contemporary dance thingy) with megan

05 November 2008

sigh of relief... sort of

after i voted yesterday, i came home to blog. then i was suspicious that the internet was going to blow up from increased activity, so i put it off until today. besides, now i get to say EEE! no more nail biting while we wait for the outcome. no more ugly advertising. no more mailbox full of political postcards. (they seem to have targeted the indie's in my district, as derek got no mail of this sort, but another indie friend of mine got a lot as well.) of course there will still be news, but this thing has been going on for TWO YEARS, so i'm glad it's done at last.

and i must say this: i found john mccain to be incredibly gracious and heartfelt in his concession speech, even if his followers were less than polite. he may have turned darth vader during the course of things, but he did end on a high note for me. credit where credit is due.

on a sadder note, derek has pulled up the results from many of the important state questions that were on ballots yesterday. it was very mixed, and i'm so appalled at some of our findings that i can't even talk about it right now. this is where rage and hope become my best allies.

now i move on to holding my breath for a different reason. our ionesco shows open tomorrow night. everything seemed to fall into place (another sigh of relief i've been waiting for) last night at the dress rehearsal, so it was a calming night overall. having not acted in a few years, i'm a little nervous. note to all who go on a stage - check your zipper! i found out about twenty seconds before my entrance that my zipper was down. i only hope the photographer that was present last night before we started didn't take any pictures of my crotch.

what else i'm pining over:
i can't find my stamps!

30 October 2008

every time i think i've hit the bottom of the barrel, someone drills a hole

i wish i were kidding about this. really and truly, i do. the following is an actual conversation i had to have at work this week. to set the scene, let me tell you a few things. it was daytime. the woman who approached me had on a very nice suit, coiffed hair, just enough (but not so much that you would gag) nice perfume, and a leather bag. she looked to be in her late forties and had good posture. i smiled and asked what she needed. thus ensued the hilarity...

cust: do you know who wrote the diary of anne frank?
me: anne frank.
cust: yes, i'm looking for the diray of anne frank... who wrote it?
me: anne frank.
cust: the DIARY of anne FRANK!
me: come with me... do you know who anne frank is?
cust: yes, of course i do. i'm looking for her diary.
me: uhhhhmmmm... it's her diary, right.
cust: i mean, i know it's her diary. i just want to know who wrote it!
me: anne frank.
cust: yes, ANNE FRANK!!!
me: oh, okay. here we are. which one would you like?

do you feel better about yourself now? as time went on, i wondered what kind of a person she was. is it possible that she was a lawyer, an accountant, a community leader? was she there to pick this up for her child? was this woman really allowed to breed?!?!

and furthermore, how did i keep a straight face through this entire (albeit brief) conversation?

of course i ran into someone i knew a few moments later and just had to recount the event. yes, my acquaintance was having a bad day up until that moment. in fact, most of us in the building seemed to be under a dark cloud until this happened, so anne frank lady served her purpose quite well in the end. a few hours later, i received a call from someone looking for the autobiography of malcolm x, "written by malcom x, of course" and had to smile. did you know that you can find it under alex haley's name? ironic humor is not lost on me.

such a scene is the tip of the iceberg, i tell you. sometimes i wonder how any of us even makes it through the day without getting trapped in a ravine or cutting off our fingers with some random implement. so i beg of you all, take a second to open your eyes and ears. learn something and don't be ashamed to espouse the knowledge of who how to use cash or where to find the bathroom (see, they make these things called signs that are right out there for you to read!) to others. i forgive anne frank lady for her ignorance because i desperately needed to laugh. but really.... i mean, REALLY! what is her life like?

my latest (revived) obsession:
i heart ribbon!

22 October 2008

random side notes - chapter eighteen

let me begin today by regretfully informing my peeps of shocking news. i am an asshole. wait... how shocking could that truly be? so here's what - i haven't called anyone in days. there's no telling the last time i even turned my ringer on. i haven't written one single postcard in the past couple of weeks. my time has been spent alone for the most part. even when i do leave the house, it's to do something in the dark. the effort of dealing with people is too much for me. derek lives here, yes, but we've been like passing ships in the afternoon. my closest buddy as of late has been stuart copeland. note to self: must rejoin the land of the living. must get out of hard crunchy shell.

i love pop music. there. i said it and i'm not ashamed. in fact, it's hard for me to even muster up the urge to feel the shame! irrevocably bad taste (in most cultural things, not just music) is becoming my symbolic badge of honor. how gloriously awful is it that i bought ingrid michaelson's latest cd AND am feeling a strange itch to go see nick and norah's infinite playlist? i'm on a campaign to bring cheesy up to the respectable level of awesome kitsch wonder. it's just like justin timberlake, only i'm bringing tacky back.

are you still my friend? are you dancing in your "i hope no one sees me in these" pj's in anonymous solidarity with me? i knew it. rock on, baby.

is it really possible that i took three naps in one evening? each time i awoke tonight, i would wander through a different part of the house and then pass out again. the next thing i knew it was fast approaching what should be my bedtime. now i'm wide awake and have to be at work in six hours. if not for the fact that i have rehearsal after that, i would really consider just staying up all night and drinking coffee. i enjoy being awake at night.

do you ever just sit around and feel like screaming? me too.

the election is coming and i'm almost sad it will be over soon. i'm holding my breath for the outcome - one can never be overconfident after the last two debacles - but also feel like i've been whipped into a strange frenzy that has my senses heightened. it's. almost. exciting. i think. maybe. don't worry, i'm still a totally jaded eye roller. that's not the sort of excitement i meant. it's more intangible than that. perhaps more the feeling you get when watching a roulette wheel in a casino. even if you didn't have the money to bet, it's still worth keeping your fingers crossed for the other poor bastards out there. yes, jaded, but still holding out hopes that the house doesn't win every single time.

my ever-changing work schedule is partly the cause of my ever-changing sleep schedule. the orther part is my own irresponsibility in getting to bed on time. those close to me are skeptical that i can keep this up without going insane. they must not remember that i like to live on my toes. in my younger days, back when i lived with one or the other of my parents, i could only be myself when i would sneak out of the house for a walk in the middle of the night. no small wonder that i had to be a speed freak pill popper just to get the through each day. naps were frowned upon back then as laziness; at least now i can pass out on the sofa without being judged. it's harder to stay up all hours knowing that i have to drag my ass out of bed and get to work, but the payoff of being in my own house and having a pumpkin cupcake for breakfast is worth the trade off.

pimples under the skin... cruel act of nature, or karma for something really painful i've done to someone else? yeeee-owwzer this thing hurts. i'm not touching it. i just touched it again. i'm not going to touch it again. ouch. this could be a good time for a fake mole (the brown eyeliner pencil sort) to appear above my lip.

really random fact about me:
you'll notice me humming before i do

15 October 2008

mourning becomes autumnal bliss

here in the land of indian summers (yes i do mean an ironic and un-pc reference to my home state and i don't care), i've been sweating. UNTIL TODAY!!! just when i thought my depression would never end. when i woke up this morning... errr, this afternoon, it was finally a crisp and chilly fall day! WHEEEEEE!!!

i'm going to wear long sleeves AND a jacket tonight. just for added measure, i'm even going to fling on a jaunty scarf. holy shit, we have a tivo and i'm wearing a jacket. we went to a craft thing and bought a shark, saw a terrific show at heller (awesome job, nate and erin!) this weekend, and to see the indescribably fabulous - yes, i cried buckets - diavolo last night. i might possibly know some of my lines. i don't have to see customers at work. the taxes are finally done... relatively on time if you count the extension. and it's autumn!!! could this month get any better or what?

this calls for wetting my pants in a public place to celebrate. oh wait, my butt may get cold if i have to sit around in wet pants in the fall. and i've had enough of sitting around in wet pants from all that sweating i did over the summer. wowee, even my chub rub spots feel more sleek today! EEE! we simply must put on the flannel sheets now. on the bed. not on me. but i may wear them as a cape and run around on my balcony like that anyway. hey, that's who i am.

the artistic creations i'm pondering about:
the show i'm directing
the show i'm in
what should i be for halloween?
sewing another tote bag

14 October 2008

what goes on after dark

life is a flurry of activity... at night. we're way behind at work, so i agreed to work all overnight shifts this week. besides giving me an excuse to sleep past noon, late night gives me the added advantage of avoiding all contact with the general public. there really might be something to this for me.

also plodding on are the rehearsals for le show de theatre club. did i mention that i have to learn lines for this?!? honestly, i'm not bad with lines, but it's weirdo absurdism and chock full of nonsequiturs. the brain is idling, the revs are up, but the clutch is certainly slipping. my mind went so far as to produce a stereotypical "actor's nightmare" for me this week. tankoo berry mucho, dream life. ack. i have total faith in my actors. now i need to grow a pair and just roll with it by tech week.

this past weekend derek and i took linsey and her person to the indie emporium. i dragged him to something similar a while back in seattle with bonnie and kelly. it was reminiscent of the urban craft uprising's winter craftacular, only this time i saw more boys in attendance. (was it because they held it at the VFW hall with a cash bar?) derek seemed quasi-interested in some of the items this time, so i bought him a sand painting of jaws. we got the rockin'est goodie bags ever! they had samples and magazines and even packages from sublime stitching. best of all, i did not get new people hangover the day after meeting linsey's boyfriend.

what the fuck is going on with the show heroes? QUOI?!?

stuart copeland is having issues. i don't know when he became so emotionally fickle, but he's been a massive attention hog as of late. his normal method of being adored involves lording over everyone on the back of the couch while snuggling with a fleece blankie, but lately he's even gone so far as to sit right next to me, down on one of the cushions. i am allowed to lay near him, bubba is allowed to sniff him, and he's started talking to himself after he walks out of the room. should i be worried here? maybe he's just being a cat. maybe he's a reincarnated old vegas gambler who is on the prowl for a showgirl and a shot of whiskey. that would explain the muttering.

tonight i'm going to see the contemporary dance troupe diavolo with derek. he gets rather bored at full length ballets, so i thought we should take advantage of some of the choregus shows this year. no dragging was required. so now i'll put on my fanciest socks and take my boy out before i head off to bring home the bacon bits.

favorite guilty pleasures of the week:
a book on mnenomic devices
true blood on hbo
my diet dr. pepper overload
72 things younger than john mccain
ac/dc on the ipod (shut... UP.)

03 October 2008

the drama of it all

once again, we have started rehearsals. both scott and myself were convinced that it would be like ripping the band-aid off a blister. he's been out of town, i've been out of town - life has been distracting. nevertheless, we read through my half of the show last night (scott is directing the other half - wonder twins, activate!) and i can actually see it more clearly now. it no longer feels like a train wreck... yet. that part doesn't come for a couple more weeks.

so if you're coming to town next month, be sure to stop by the nightingale and see TWO! fabulous one act pieces by ionesco all in a single evening. wowee! there. that was my shameless self promotion for the day. i'll remind you later on when we get closer to opening. you're waiting on the edge of your stools, aren't you?

as for shameless promotion of others, go check out the theatre link to tacta and the black box blog. get out of the house, people. there is life beyond the mall. or the bar. go do some shit where you can interact with people. end of lecture.

besides that, my political side is on crack. i'm sitting around waiting for the results of the house bailout vote. if it goes over, can i just say that i'm not paying my debts anymore because i'm waiting for a bailout to be my saviour? we can call it the "i'm waiting for my real parents to come and get me" whine of my financial life.

i also watched the vice presidential debate last night. as expected, maegan called me from la and we went off together on a few things. let it suffice to say that i HATE it when people say the word nuke-you-lerr. not that i was keeping count (at least six) of the times i heard it by a certain person within the first half of the debate. and yes, alaska is a "large state" in total land area, but really... come on. come. on. sofia coppola! (my favorite swear words lately. hey, i can say it at work without having to say motherfucker when i stub my finger. it makes me behave. try it sometime with someone you think has no talent. i bet it'll make you feel better.) and i just couldn't stop thinking about tina fey. sorry. i'm totally susceptible to dorky pop culture. overall, the debate seemed to wash over me without changing many of the things i think about on a daily basis. but then again, my brain can be a highway to a truck stop where you meet large marge along the way. i'm a voter.

my latest mission at work:
to make a certain person quit, because she's a cunt

30 September 2008

it's a wedding!

and no, i don't have photos. if you want to see some photos, you can click on mary's blog. she snapped all sorts of great shots. that's what i depend on her for sometimes, because she'll actually get them out of her camera and show them off... unlike me, who unabashedly sucks in that area.

note to mary: stick it, caucasian. i just LURRRVE centerpieces. and to prove it, i'm showing you the centerpiece of my fingers in an upward motion right now. put that one on your calendar and celebrate it. (WHY?!?! that's so WRONG!!) did you get me in that photo on purpose just to show off my obliviousness? you're a genius - kiss kiss.

people made it in from all over the place for the event! kris drove in from kansas. andy came in from california. mary flew in from north carolina. jenny and tony drove down, as did ed and rhiannon. it was like a single servings reunion... missing shawn. we should've done a number together and churned out some more sketch comedy for the occasion. i bet we would even break some furniture and split a few seams in the process. "roller coaster.... of love...."

besides the wedding, we had a great time at sons of hermann by sneaking into an english country dancing class. you know all those la-dee-dah dances they do in jane austen stories? we got to learn some of them! mary joined in immediately, while in an unexpected jolt of tables turned, i ran off in terror before getting enlisted. upon further thought, i decided that she shouldn't have all the fun; we should both be able to tell people that we did something new and bizarre this weekend. so i went back in and learned how to tromp around like a proper lady. i'm not sure if i was any good at it, but the dancing was a nerdy blast. enthusiasm can make up for mad skillz when you laugh at yourself hard enough.

now, i won't say that people got totally drunk at the wedding. what i will say is that some people lost their ability to use an inside voice when standing right next to my ear. i will also say that while holly was one of those people, she did manage to stop before getting into a state that would lead her to warbling out michael jackson songs. (for that, we all thank her.) in appreciation of this, i shared one of my special discontinued sanrio band-aids when she smooshed her finger in andy's rental car. i admit that i did feel a bit bad for not taking her injury seriously. andy made me take care of her by noting that yes, she really was bleeding, and then we told him it was his turn to babysit since he hadn't done it in a few years. in fine fashion, he took charge of the situation by turning our full hotel room - me, mary, derek, andy, and holly - into a madlibs slumber party. EEE! i found the one he gave me in my tote bag today and i'll send it to him sometime when he's having a bad day.

on sunday we went for brunch at the local ethiopian place before everyone went their own ways. holly loves the idea of meat plus pancakes minus silverware, so i always make a point to eat ethiopian food with her when i have the chance. she was even so relaxed on the way home that she fell asleep in the car. trust me, this is a momentous occasion after the reign of terror she experienced on road trips with a certain jackass whose name need not be spoken. the first time we drove to dallas together she was fuurrreeeaking out.

three, 3, THREE times good! pop culture i'm digesting:
reading - the customer is always wrong, who's your city?, such a pretty fat
watching - SATC (of course), ladies and gentlemen the fabulous stains, heroes
listening - the raveonettes (lust lust lust), jet (get born), zero 7 (when it falls)

25 September 2008

autumn nesting beats spring cleaning

the basil plant is hanging in there. the coffee table has been unearthed from a heap of pop culture items. i am NOT living on cereal and popcorn while derek is gone. all my stuff has finally been unpacked from the seattle trip, just in time to pack for dallas. my stick-vac is a wonder of science.

in an ongoing effort to clean shit out of my house, i've managed to get my piles in check. i can once again see a flat surface on part of my desk. the cats think this means i've made a place for them to lay down whenever someone is sitting here. strangely, they don't give a fig about climbing up here unless they hear the clacking of a keyboard or the sound of packages being wrapped. (and you thought cats hated tape.) honestly, for three cats that are such complete bed hogs, it's difficult to imagine why they want to wedge themselves between a lamp and a computer while tromping through a case full of sharpies. it makes me feel the love.

i wonder sometimes if i should just chuck everything and start over. a spartan lifestyle would give me a fresh start... to accumulate more once again. how many times have i repeated the mantra "holy shit, i have too much stuff - i need to get rid of this" while ramping up into a feng shui cleaning rampage? how often has the chore of taking in my recyclables led to a full-scale green seizure? argh, i don't really need anything i have; i don't really need to punish myself for having stuff around the house. it's a small house that keeps us from getting too much without feeling the discomfort of having too much. more space is all too tempting. this is why the two of us don't want an excess of square footage.

and on the subject of green seizures... does anyone else occasionally see a big flashing sign in their head with the word "ENTROPY!" on it while they're shopping green or sorting out recyclables or doing some other kind of good citizen bullshit? it can't be just me. my consumer side and my green side get into a brawl and i'm left standing in the middle, getting beaten from both sides. if you see me wandering around with a black eye, that means my conscience had a fight with itself. it probably happened while taking out the garbage.

mostly i just wanted to clean the house this week so that i could return from our trip to dallas without having to look at dirty dishes after a long car ride. that's how a feng shui attack starts, eh? you want to take a shower and not have stuff sticking to your damp feet afterwards, so you end up vacuuming the whole house before you wash. you need more underpants and end up breaking down to do the laundry. you want to show derek that you're perfectly capable of being in the kitchen unsupervised, so you... well, there was an injury or two involved. let's not discuss it.

next up this week:
the wedding trip - EEE!

19 September 2008

ahhhll by maahhhhyy-sehhlleeeyelllf

derek is taking a long trip through pennsylvania and new york. he is not here to see my small tragedies this week or next, as he'll be on the road until meeting up with all of us in dallas for la festivale de vee et travis. beh, he doesn't know what he's missing. my basil plant is suicidal, i burned myself on the toaster oven, and managed to slice a couch cushion while trying to construct a homemade box. i ain't called calamity george for nothing, baby.

here's a whoop-a-dee-doo friday shoutout to liz. happy birthday, lady! glad to hear you're taking the day off from work to celebrate your big day with the fams.

my volkswagen is in the shop. boo. hoo. wahhhh. no no no, it's nothing big - just all those little things that build up after owning a car for ten (or is it eleven now?) years and all need attention at once. it's a good thing i was working in seattle and picked up some more hours here. we'll call it a "working for the car" holiday. the maintenance issue doesn't bother me, but now i'm fucking stuck without a vehicle. ugh, can anyone give me a ride?!?

the cooking continues. i will not give up! yet!

in an industrious move, i managed to make - YES, MAKE!!! - a tote bag for holly last night. it started out as a pillow, but as i reworked the old fabric pieces it turned into a seventies looking thingy that just screeched her name. (and she earned her stripes last night by taking me to drop off the car and get tacos in the wee hours.) you don't know, man... this is my first ever time to A: successfully sew anything at all from scratch, B: successfully make a button stay on for more than five minutes, C: not injure myself during a new project. look, no blood! all that and the hours passed by in a relaxing way without me even noticing time passing. there could be something to this.

quick fixes for my calamities:
talking to basil plant calmingly while stroking the leaves.
watering basil and giving it more sun.
keeping the bactine spray in the kitchen.
turning cushion over to hide the evidence.
renting a car, if need be.
keeping a vigilant eye on the litterbox so that dizzy no longer feels the need to make a ginormous poopy right in front of the human toilet in protest.
using a lot of tape/adhesive on stuff in general.

12 September 2008

back home, but not in a rut

it's time to direct another show! yes yes, my vow to take a long break was (as always) a short-lived thing. so now scott and i are going to do a double bill of absurdist one act plays. do i need to abuse myself in this way? guess so - should be fun.

my toaster oven inspired me to get back in the kitchen this week. now if only i could figure out how to make a mountain dew doughnut like the one i got in portland for derek...

went out to see threepenny upright at topeca cafe tonight. live music is only a passing fancy with me, but we had a good time. personally, i prefer NOT to see people out at a bar. call me a snob, but bars are kinda yucky. it's much nicer for me to meet for coffee, although two large americanos was probably not a good idea on the caffeine front. my head might pop into orbit at any second. ZOOOOOOM!

i bought a plant! really! for those of you that don't know: plants + me = death. every so often i'll get something green and drag it home. shortly thereafter i'll wave a wistful goodbye to that no-longer-green thing. i try to remember this fact each time i want to try again. i eventually forget it and try again anyway... like now. living with alice inspired me to whip over by the local farmers' market and invest in fresh basil. and it's still alive (with a whole new leaf sprouting) after almost a week!!! keep your fingers crossed for me and maybe i'll even get to use some of that basil someday soon. derek says that if this one lives long enough to harvest then he'll get me some cilantro to celebrate.

big hug of the day:
much love going out to bonnie rae and family. so sorry about gramps.

11 September 2008

so kiss me and smile for me...

perhaps inappropriate, as i already got back home over the weekend, but that damn song has been stuck in my head ever since. the random humming is driving me crazy. i should probably be grateful. brandon started talking about celine dion and titanic when we rode the ferry to bainbridge island last week, thereby infecting my internal radio station with a virus that has since been cleared. thank goodness.

holly asked me if i was bummed about being back here. i thought about it and promptly got confused by the question. why would i hate coming home? it's true that i had a great time in seattle. it's true that i enjoyed myself much more this time and tried to focus on the positive parts about living there. however, it is also true that i like where i live. it might not be that glamorous to some people, but i'm happy with my choices. you never know when our wanderlust will kick up dust and lead us elsewhere. in the meantime, i'd much rather embrace this place and reap my resources than sit here and bitch about what's missing. even in los crapeles - which was designed for "great place to visit but i wouldn't want to live there" living - i managed to find some redeeming qualities in the city. i'm not "stuck" anywhere.

but that's enough of being positive for one day. we now return you to our regularly scheduled snark and cynicism:
i realized that i hadn't been ambushed for spare change since leaving seattle. this is even in the face of visiting other cities like detroit, dallas, st. louis, and las vegas. i cursed myself! over the weekend i got asked for change while i was leaving quiktrip. i blurted out a VERY loud ""NO THANK YOU!" with a smile (before he could even get past the opening "excuse me ma'am" part of things) and went on my way. the guy was so freaked out by my odd response that he shuddered and took off down the road. thanks go to mary. that's a great trick.

okay, so i really DID have a great time in seattle. who cares that the entire downtown area smells like pee? i strapped on my best dalai lama attitude and went for it. and i ate in chinatown bakeries... a lot. if i had a hombow and sesame ball cart near my house here, i would tear the kitchen out of my house. in fact, i should just tear my kitchen out anyway. my excursion into throwing things down the disposal gave me a free lifetime pass out of cooking. (don't ask - just know that rice keeps on expanding long after you see it go away) so if anyone wants to start an asian bakery on my block, be aware that i could probably support your lifestyle all by myself.

speaking of which, the wedding of travis and veronica draws ever closer! not only do i get a super cool-calm-and-collected new family member in travis, but i have a reason to go visit the bakeries in dallas right down the street from their house. jeez, i gotta get on those registries and find some gifty things. is it considered tacky to use a coupon on a gift? if only i could find something from their registries that was on clearance with a big orange sticker; how that would make vee smile with delight! derek is afraid that the wedding weekend is going to turn into girlparty2008 part deux. i'll just send him off with andy and ed to go talk about computer cables and cellphone plans or some shit like that.

the northwest px-fest was a bust. sort of. due to scheduling difficulties, we'll have to try again at some future date when we plan our shit out better. dem's da breaks, ya know? so bonnie and i got together and went to the evergreen state fair in bumfuck, washington. there were buzzcuts galore and she had her first ever fried twinkie. we rode a parking shuttle fashioned from a tractor and some benches, pitched softballs to fight against drunk driving, and stared at prize-winning pigeons. sound like fun or what? duh. yesssireeee!

AND i called a stranger on the phone. this is a really big deal for me. i have a major fear of calling people i don't know. often times i am the sort who'll practice the call for several minutes - okay, so it's more like a few hours or days most of the time - before actually hitting send on my cell. even though i've exchanged many mail items with this lady over the past few years, it was shocking to hear her voice. funny how talking to strangers in real life doesn't fuck with me at all, but add in electronics and i'm a basket case. luckily, she sounded just as stunned that i had called her. next time, ginger, next time...

mostly my brain is in whapwhapwhap mode since i got home. you know, that noise a flat tire makes when you're rolling down the road and it sounds like you're going really super fast in spite of the fact that you were forced to slow down. that's the noise i hear at night when i lay down and my brain won't shut off for the day and my mouth keeps on running like a freight train about random crap even though derek justs wants to go to sleep. he's very good at pretending to listen. i love him for that. he doesn't even seem to mind too much that the whapping goes on for most of the day as well. sometimes i hear a little voice in the background telling me to shut up. it often gets drowned out by my "creative tendencies" that inspire me to keep on rambling.

my creative side had a rest on holiday. it got to go in stealth mode while i penned postcards and wrote in my journal. i got to watch others and appreciate their artistic qualities at galleries and theatres and street corners. (yes, they do have more than just hobos out on the street in seattle.) amongst my favorites were a girl playing violin out in front of a bookstore while i shopped for more postcards one day and the ten minute play festival i went to with amy after we got back from strolling around olympia. i also got to meet an artist i like, whose stuff has been migrating to my house piece by piece, and pour praise all over him even after he had already let me use the bathroom. i think that taking a break was a good idea. my brain is more energized and i'm ready to start working on the next show. whapwhapwhap.

one thing i love about being home:
watching dizzy prance around with her new haircut!

22 August 2008

inside the head

some thoughts i had today:

i wish i were an artist, but at least i'm a lover of art.
portland doesn't want me to get a doughnut... why?!?!
oh well, fuck it.
i heart my new shoes.
do we have any more milk for the cereal?
i hope this trip is good for me in some way.
toni colette is really gorgeous.
why bother getting out? i'd have to put on clothes and be around people.
if i go to pioneer square, i could ride a ferry by myself.
i'm going home sooner than i thought.
stuart has the cutest meow. dizzy should get shaved.
ho hum.
fucking stupid internet connection is out to get me.
it must be time for my shot.
i should call amy and jen to make plans.
where are my pants?
of course things don't work out the way you wanted them to.
there goes the phone again.
that would be too fucking easy. it makes me laugh.
i miss derek.
let's eat meat tonight.
that sure was one ugly baby in that photo.

what i plan to do with my evening:
not one fucking clue

15 August 2008

can i stuff my face, please?

in short, i've eaten my body weight in F-U-D since getting to seattle. i'm pretty sure i'm going to come home in a mumu, or else wrapped in a gaudy plastic tarp so that you can just hose the crumbs and sauce from my torso with ease. then they can just slide me down the luggage ramp and derek can haul me of from baggage claim with a forklift in a few weeks.

okay, so maybe i haven't eaten quite as much as i think. alice still has all of her limbs, and i've only bitten a few people at work. then again, i like to bite people when i get nervous. don't judge - it's my thing. (the funky laughter isn't nerves. it's just who i am.) overall, i think i'm going to sample as much of the cuisine as i can possibly stand until i start feeling guilty about money and start living solely off of the ten tons of cereal we bought at the ghetto grocery outlet. and no, mary, i'm not going to crack anytime soon. we went to dick's for dinner last night and ate lunch at ikea today. jen is supposed to call after she gets off work so that we can go out and be fabulous. i'm pretty sure that more food will be involved in this evening.

yes, i am having a good time. i'm seeing some people that i missed. i'm working a lot and feeling useful at my job. i've been shopping at ikea AND archie mcphee's so far this week. i went to daiso last week, but i'm saving the shoe bonanza for just a bit longer. (stopped in without my wallet to say hello already, though...) we've driven all over hell and back, with both alice and i discovering places in the area where we've never been before. i still have to ride a ferry and visit a few more peeps, but i've got a decent amount of time off to go piddle. i have to pace myself - there is soooooo much mroe food to be consumed, you know.

good purchases i've made already:
metal boxes for alice
knee high socks in chinatown
monkey band-aids

11 August 2008

i'm here and i'm a big wackadoodle.

how could i have forgotten to bring a turtleneck with me to seattle?!? i should have relished in the opportunity to at least wear it at night sometime. oh well. whaddaya gonna do, right? i've got sleeves and i've got a jacket and i'm not feeling completely vomitatious when i go out for ten minutes, so i'm not going to get greedy now. (even though i heard it's down to like 80 degrees at home right now... since i left... and now i'm totally convinced of my "spark plug, the catalyst of doom" status. but let's hope liz is feeling better for now.) the windows are open and there's a sweet evening breeze, so i'm just going to leave it at that. i can always buy a turtleneck while i'm here. one can never have too many turtlenecks in their arsenal, now can they?

my sleep schedule is for shit this week. i flew in the wee hours, then got here in the middle of the day. i've been sleeping in a new place. this weekend i started work on the overnight shift, but tomorrow i have to be there at 6 am to help open up things. yes, i am a crazy person. it's part of my charm.

one nice thing i did for me today:
had great ethiopian food for dinner. yum.

30 July 2008

it's fucking hot outside

sorry to be of a one track mind, but it's hard to think of much else when you feel sick by the end of each day. i honestly wasn't doing that bad with the weather this year until these past couple of weeks; even up until the beginning of july i was less than whiny. now that i'm sweating buckets by 7 am it's a different story. perhaps i'm just a sweaty girl... a big, swollen, withering bloatation device. as tim might say in his fake southern accent: hee-yulp mey! hee-yulp mey!

so the theatre festival was an entertaining time. i did manage to give away a ton of books from the set of my show, which made the festival crew very happy. one of the directing workshops was quite up my alley, all about composition and such. there were some interesting shows there and we all got to commune with other artfags in good fun. we got some decent feedback on our shows, for the most part. we ate too many waffles at the hotel, of course.

i also got hit on (i think) by a redneck in the bluebell saloon. his name must have been smoky joe one tooth, and his idea of telling me i was "purrrty" was to throw a bar coaster at my head from across the room and flash a rotted out grin in my general direction while the other inbred folk at his table leered at me like i was a baby back rib. adding insult, after i got up from the thousand degrees of karaoke going on in the bluebell and said "okay then, i'm outta here," i walked out the front door and my forehead was attacked by a kamikaze junebug. are those things just out to get me or what? no matter where i am, they always seem to seek out my face for a little fly by marauding.

by the time we got home on sunday afternoon, i was wilty. summer is not the time for me to go outside. some people might even think i have some reverse seasonal thing since i get so little sun after the beginning of june. oh, how i long for autumn. i've even changed my screen to look like changing leaves. so when i walked into the house on sunday and felt like i was going to throw up, it shouldn't have surprised me that i almost immediately passed out. even though i wore a pile of sunscreen and drank water, i was sincerely ill. so if you didn't hear from me for three days this week, it was because i've been spending my time wallowing on the couch in the manner of a sickly flu victim. bleh. liz keeps wrting about how she's being a cranky bitch lately, but i say she's simply in survival mode. it. is. sucky. ass. hot. did i mention that i whine a lot when i'm sweating?

the rest of my day will probably be spent waiting for the sun to go down so that my necklace doesn't leave a scorch mark on my chest when i leave the building. again. if only you could go to an indian food buffet at midnight! my urge for mango custard and naan took over earlier today, and my eyes are still stinging from the drive home. it's times like this that my gratitude for the automated postal machine (and other late/all night methods of getting things done) goes way way up. i do all of my errands like a cat burglar now, slipping in under cover of darkness and then running for my life towards more and better air conditioning.

this would be an excellent time to run my netflix like a bitch and squander all my time watching bad shows on bravo while doing puzzles and sucking back iced tea. thank goodness i'm off work for the rest of the week. that damn phone ringing all the time sent me over the edge.

why mary would be proud of me this week:
my pants went to a tailor to be shortened properly for a change

23 July 2008

summering is a verb

do you know what a heat index is? since some of you don't live with rotisserie chicken summers, i might have to explain it for you. see, the heat index tells you the "feels like" temperature. this means that, while it may only be 99 degrees outside, the heat index makes it feel like about 104 degrees. add in the humidity and you're living in a microwave oven. they have actually issued official heat advisory warnings here this week. this means that any second now, people will literally be in danger of dying from the weather. really. and you thought carcinogens and salmonella were real concerns, didn't you?

so in my further travels, i went to st. louis and columbia with derek last week. it was just a quick jaunt across missouri for a couple of appointments. we had lunch (where i ate something called a ponyshoe: bacon, fries, texas toast, liquid cheese, pepper - yum!) and i properly schmoozed before going off to play word games on my nintendo while they talked about who knows what. on the way home i entertained derek in the car by reading aloud from the new laurie notaro book. and p.s. i think you can be a badass even in a prius.

dear laurie, i too know about terrible weather. this may not be arizona, but it's fucking HOT. the red paint in the no parking zone came off on the bottom of my shoe today and made a melty, sucking noise as i stepped off the curb. my air conditioner started crying last night. i feel your point about the badlands showdown.

tomorrow morning we leave for the theatre festival guthrie. i hope i haven't painted it as a picture of debauchery to derek. in my younger days (she says with a certain sense of irony) we would go and party like rock stars. now i go and get other people into mischief because i revel in being a bad influence. we should definitely get derek a bottle of rum for the occasion and turn him loose with all those artfags. this is coming from the girl who rarely drinks! prepare for total exhaustion, derek.

we did a few shows over the weekend to raise gas and food money. i'm ambivalent at this point. in one way, i'm ready for the break and tired of telling people what to do, as shocking as that might sound. but i also look forward to whatever my next project might be after i return from seattle. oh, and did i mention that my fucking awesome actors got a standing ovation last night? yay for the ladies!

part of the reason i keep getting out there and doing so much stuff lately is to avoid isolating myself. somehow the past couple of years have lent themselves to the slow and quiet closing of a circle. while i realize that being alone and being quiet aren't bad things, it hasn't always been a productive thing for me to cut myself off. there are periods that i need to step back and take in my own life. i need to slow down and get a sense of myself as a way of recharging. it's just that i don't really know how to do that without shutting off the whole grid.

stop. go. these are the speeds i am equipped with. my newest goal is to find a pace that can adjust as needed and not behave like an errant golf cart. it's a bit lofty, but i think i can do it without going on cruise control OR hearing the brakes squeal. how many evenings have you tromped through the house saying something akin to, "i want to do something, but i don't know what. i don't want to go anywhere, but i don't want to stay at home. i don't feel like doing anything, but i don't want to sit around and blob out. i may as well just stand in the doorway. halfway in and halfway out and trying to think of where i'm going and what to do. exactly how entertained do i need to be?!?! why can't i just be here and not be anxious?" surely i can't be the only one.

this must be why i'm a smoker who plays with glue and rearranges her sharpie collection. my fidgeting drives me crazy when i don't know what to do with it. maybe i'll go clean out my purse and go through the receipt graveyard. maybe i should put up the laundry or clean out my closet. and wait for winter to get here.

my crowning achievement of the week:
an itch struck me out of nowhere and i made homemade tortillas for the book review club. yes, i do rock. no one threw up.

14 July 2008

this way and that way - part three

what with all of the shows and rehearsals and other various whatnot lately, i haven't even caught up to myself. it's a good thing i don't really have that much exciting news to report.

then again, megan has a theory that our own lives are much more interesting to other people sometimes than they are to ourselves. see, she thinks it's no big deal to tell some of the stuff she's done (of which i will not reveal anything that juicy... right now) and i think something like hanging off an 18th story window ledge to take snapshots isn't that unusual. everyone's done that, haven't they?

she could definitely have a point.

anyhoo, if you're a regular reader of mary's blog, you know all the rest of girl party 2008 already. the only really funny thing i'll recount - that surely brings with it an ass-kicking from veronica - is our journey to eat ethiopian food. see, we'd been to the place before while visiting dallas. only this time we had to navigate three different cars there and only i had a sally (the name for our GPS unit) in the car. after about two million phone calls back and forth to v's car, kat's car, and my car, we all arrived except for veronica. turns out she was stuck on some sort ramp going over and under a bridge to the correct road. her car had stalled for no apparent reason and she was blocking a shitload of traffic. i know. we saw the shitload. we passed the shitload. and yes, we had even passed her car without realizing it! whoops.

so after the billionth phone call between all of us, she had fucking had it. she called megan to get directions from sally. she called kat to see where the hell everyone was and what the fuck was going on. she called me and i knew better than to answer. i flipped open the phone and stuck it on kat's face, explaining that i couldn't help get v to the restaurant since i live in another state. mostly what i heard at that point was kat telling v the address and then handing things back over to me.

"what the fuck?!? i can't find this fucking place and i got stuck on a ramp! this is bullshit and i'm going home, okay? oh wait! what street is it on? have we been there before? i think i'm almost in the parking lot. hold on, i'm here now. well, fucking shit!!! i'm hungry!"

perhaps not an exact transcript, but you get the idea. yes, veronica, i am laughing right now... from a very safe distance.

lunch was fabulous and everyone finally got to see chez v+travis and pets. we had a great time at the show and even managed to squeeze in more goofiness poolside the next morning. mary and v took the bestest pictures that i'm sighing wistfully over. i even managed to save some of my chinese bakery food all the way until the next morning after we got back here. and of course i walked in the door sporting my new hat. i wonder where our girl party will be next year... woohoo!

until then, i have a few mini-jaunts and maxi-jaunts to keep me occupied. megan and i drove to okc to see carpenter square's production of "debbie does dallas: the musical" last weekend. she was actually in the cast when i directed it (my name is TAMMY!!!) and so this time she finally got a chance to see the hilarity from the other side. not a bad production, i must say, but it needed more bananas. what it lacked in innocence it more than made up for in roller skates. a fun little daytrip, for sure. i've had those songs stuck in my head all week!

next week it's off to guthrie for a theatre festival. then comes the big trip to seattle! did i mention i'll be running away to stay with alice for a whole month? we'll have to take some side trips to oregon and canada for the occasion.

this all comes back to megan's point: these plans and things all sound sort of predictably irrational to me. that's just how my lifestyle works. i do admit that i don't normally travel quite this much, but the craziness aspect of it is simply average to me. to other people it all seems fascinating and cool. funny how we're always boring to ourselves.

why i didn't leave the house today:
my pajamas wouldn't let me. they held me hostage because i finally had a day where i had not one fucking place to be! besides, i had a feng shui attack and communed with the paper shredder.

12 July 2008

this way and that way - part two

okay, so i've been bogged down with teaching summer camp and mooooooooore directing. sometimes all i want to do is come home at night and stare off into space. sometimes at night that's pretty much all i do. i haven't even been able to focus enough to finish the new david sedaris and laurie notaro books. since when can't i finish those two authors?!? little kids wear me out something awful, even if they do make me laugh.

of course my role in camp was "the enforcer" and i made someone cry. ouch, she's even really sweet. then i had to run off to the next room so i wouldn't cry for making a little kid cry. oh, don't worry - she got over it in a matter of seconds. theatre camp is no place to be if you can't handle some criticism. did i cry this much when i was younger?

girl party 2008 was totally fun. mary flew in to tulsa and we got in my bug with holly and megan for the drive down to dallas. did you know they sell the most awesome hats at the truck stop along the way? one stop for gas turned into a rural oklahoma fashion show at the love's country store. and i must say, we were quite entertaining to the podunk redneck set. i thought i'd be able to get through my existence here without ever owning a cowboy hat. fate stepped in and i was convinced to buy a straw model with a green strap. holly's is even better, what with her feather flair! megan and mary got fabulous "mafia princess" sun hats for the pool.

what am i saying? we got them to go to ikea! to eat meatballs! IKEA! no i am not obsessed with ikea. it's a group field trip thing. i realized that i've never been there alone. it's not like going to target to pick up some vitamins and toilet paper. (though it's never as fun going to target alone, you know.) you simply must go to ikea with other people and gossip in the cafeteria while admiring your tiny kitchen doodads and throw rugs. wearing big hats while doing that is only a bonus.

big hats paired with road trip clothing are also charming during happy hour at the margarita ranch. that's the best time to be the designated driver. first, you get megan and mary and holly just a teensy bit plowed. then, you kiss veronica bye-bye to go to her show and take the other three to the container store in suburban dallas so you can watch them drunkenly shop while you have this sort of exchange with them...

mary: GEORGE!!!
george: look! this is cute!
george: yes. yes it is.
mary: i can't feel my face.
george: wanna go get some gelato?
mary: oooh, look! cute! trashcan!

as you might have guessed, mary is NOT normally a drinker.

the next day we got together with veronica and kat to see a movie. woohooo, six chicks going to see "sex and the city" together! maybe it just the girl party thing, but i was all sorts of ready to watch a chick flick and get emotional. i may not have been a crying person as a child, but apparently i am now.

why i need coffee today:
ouch! a morning rehearsal!
yet another show this evening
my to-do list is overflowing with unchecked do's

20 June 2008

this way and that way - part one

woohoo, i am a freaking well-worn traveller. sort of.

places i have been lately:
detroit, michigan area
sylvania, ohio
toledo, ohio
windsor, ontario
dallas, texas
a truck stop where we all bought hats (see mary's blog)
downtown to nick and megan's wedding

places i am going soon:
guthrie, oklahoma
seattle, washington
maybe a day in portland or vancouver - why not?

when i told people i was going to detroit, they just looked at me with a "quoi?" face of confusion and watched me bouncing around with joy. dude, didn't they know i was going to get to meet someone with whom i'd been exchanging mail for like, five years? and didn't they know it was close enough to go across the border for dinner? and didn't they know i would be wearing a turtleneck after memorial day?!?! holy fuck, i even got to go and visit ohio for the first time since it was only an hour away!

i got to meet megan in michigan! you know what? i never even realized we knew each other from the internet. now really, that IS how we met, but the exchange of mail just seemed to make me forget about the whole online thing. maybe you see someone differently after you've seen their handwriting for a long time. it's more personal that way. it made for a much less awkward initial meeting of "helloooo, oh it's you, and how nice...." after a few moments of panic on the way to met for dinner and a few more of stammering when we sat down for dinner, it was like i had known her for a long time. of course! i HAD known her for a long time! she sends some of the best mail i've ever gotten. did i really expect her not to be the kind, sarcastic, fun-loving, generous, slightly scattered person i had already come to like her as for all this time? duh.

we ate food, we saw art, we walked around, we laughed. we took awful cellphone photos. (her daughter was so cute and sooooo ready to pose for the camera - what a doll) we took wrong turns to get to the hotel. we talked about getting food on our shirts. we got food on our shirts... or at least i did. seriously, my trip to detroit was really fun. so what in the hell do people know, right?

or, as holly might put it - "oh, i don't know. why does anybody do anything anyway?" wowee, girlparty 2008 really brought out the philosopher in holly. even after we gave her wine and threatened to hit her in the face. (you must know us to love us) more on that next time...

stuff i bought on my trip up north:
postcard art
a domino cityscape
canadian maple syrup

16 May 2008

random side notes - chapter seventeen

this week was our anniversary. actually we have two anniversaries, but the one in may is the date that we like to get all moooshy about. today we'll go to mayfest (an arts festival with tons of F-U-D and stuff) and reenact our first date, bickering included, i am sure. how fast does sixteen years go by? quickly enough that you can find new things to pick on each other about almost every single week, without ever losing those oldie-but-goodie standards such as "why are you always doing stuff to MY stuff?" awww, how sweet.

the first show i've been working on opened last weekend and has turned out well. we got a cute and complimentary article in urban tulsa this week. now i'm going to have to insult the kids just to fit their big fat heads through the door. i hope they haven't eaten all the airheads i left for them backstage, because i might want some candy later on.

sometimes i think i should just name all of my blog entries random side notes - chapter blahbittyblah. being witty is just too much pressure for me.

thanks to scott, the directing curse has been broken. no one i know (pets included) has died on this show! am i the superstitious type? perhaps a bit, in a sort of catholic "it's a sign" kinda way. of course, i now seem to get forgotten about from time to time by producers and the like. did i know about the summerstage photo shoot? nope. have i had any real production meetings overall? nahhh, no bother. is there some new thing that pops up out of thin air to give me a jolt for no good reason? zap! do i have any clue what the fuck is going on with my shows? sheesh, we don't need no stinkin' clues, baby. we just rehearse a lot, have a big ego, and then don't care if anyone likes us or not. that's what eddie izzard taught me to do, so i'm going to roll with it and just press on. the new curse i've inherited is much more amenable to my lifestyle. really, i can't bitch at the small traumas. i'm just happy we're all still alive and in one piece.

my favorite vegetable lately is salsa.

stuart has developed a bizarre attachment disorder. he normally stays quite aloof, with the occasional leg rub in the kitchen or judgmental look from the top of the sofa. (did i mention how gleeful i am to have gotten rid of the leather furniture? i love my fuzzy red sofa!) i am the only person stuart has conversations with on a regular basis. i thought that he simply preferred the company of ladies, but it looks as though he simply prefers the company of me and only me. since returning from vegas i've had to endure countless hours of stuart sitting on my arm while i'm working, stuart watching me pee, and stuart chatting up my socks while i'm trying to cook. i have a small bench that i sit on in front of my desk, just in case i ever get so fat that i need two spaces to sit on while typing, but it's apparently become the space that i have to share with stuart just to get him off the fucking keyboard. when did he begin to notice that i live here? stuart is sitting here and says to tell you all hello, by the way.

why i'm a true adult:
my hip is sore and i had jellybeans for breakfast

08 May 2008

take the bus to fremont street at your own risk

last week i went to vegas with derek for his big national convention. correction - we went to LAKE las vegas, a spot outside of the city where all the new resorts are being built now. did you know they actually have places in nevada where you can't smoke, there's no gambling, and you can't even shop? we do. loews lake las vegas resort (fancy schmancy shit, eh?) is like being in the netherworld of the sin city area.

while there we met a guy who said that one of his hobbies was vacationing, which at first seemed at bit crazy, but once i thought about it became a revelation of sorts. i am not good at relaxing. i needed a chance to get away from my life. thus, having little distraction was an inadvertent blessing for me. i read an entire book (bitter is the new black by jen lancaster- me likee, it funny) while hanging out with my ipod stuffed in my ears. i lounged about and ate like a fat girl. one thing i can say for derek's new employers? they know how to feed people at a hoo-ha.

derek sneaked me into some general sessions to hear both of the keynote speakers for the convention, sugar ray leonard and ben stein. does sugar ray ever age? he's cute as a button and super fun in a crowd; the type of guy who could work a party and everyone would be happy you invited him. he even let some people take pictures with his gold medal and a championship belt. when ben stein spoke it was a rattle of forty billion topics coming at you rapid fire with some witticisms peppered in between. he's not such a great joke teller, what with his odd delivery and all, but he is very smart and it was like watching a paradox jump out of a cake at times. i followed most of it with ease (hey, i DO occasionally pay attention to derek's work) with the exception of one little homophone mistake:

what george heard - as we turns our gays towards iraq... QUOI?!?!
what ben stein really said - as we turn our gaze towards iraq

friday night we took a resort shuttle to the strip. now honestly, why do they make the only "free night" of the convention on a weekend when things will be crazier than than a shithouse bat out there? if i were in charge, as we all know i should be, par-tay nite would be a thursday. this way it would still be rockin' enough for those who needed a weekend feel, without all the weekend tourists throwing up in the washrooms. but no one was listening to me.

i mean really, how many washrooms downtown should have vomit in them? apparently all of them, right? that's what people must have thought the weekend that we were there. i'm too old for that shit. i have way more class than that. AND i am the most demure thrower-upper in the history of regurgitation. at least that's what mary says.

anyhoos, in order to get a bus back to loews and spare ourselves a sixty dollar cab ride, we had to be back to the bally's meeting point by 11 pm. if you ask me, and once again they did not bother to ask me, 11 pm is a draconian hour to return from debauchery on the strip. however, i am a cheap girl, so it was better than actually paying to get back to squaresville, nevada. after taking a bus downtown for dinner, we wandered through the spontaneous gay pride parade that was stirring up bitch-screaming on fremont street and tried to get out of vomitville before the bus left without us. we bought a few postcards on the way out and strolled trough the whoop-a-dee-doo laser light show towards the bus to the strip. at around ten after ten, we asked the driver if we could make it to bally's by eleven.

"nope, it's a friday night and we won't make it. traffic is pretty bad."
"but it's just now after ten. we have to catch a bus back out to the middle of nowhere or else pay for a taxi if we don't get there by eleven. are you seeerrrrious?!?"
"yeah, it gets like this. good luck."

the double decker bus was so full that the driver eventually resorted to pausing at bus stops only to open the door and tell people that he wasn't letting anyone else on until he get could some of us off of his bus. after getting blocked into an intersection by a hummer stretch limo and sitting through innumerable redlights, the bus was still at a crawl. traffic was putting my nervous-breakdown-causing beverly hills commute in los crapeles (on really bad days? 8 miles = 2 hours, one way) to shame and we decided to get off around the stratosphere and sahara to catch the shiny new monorail to our stop.

flash forward: 10.43. picture me in heels, derek in a suit, and both of us flying off the bus like we'd been stung by bees. let me tell you something here - fat girls in heels are NOT supposed to run. whipping down the street to the sahara, because the bus never can just stop on the damn corner where you want them to stop so you can just cross the fucking street to your eventual sixty dollar cab ride doom, i developed muscles i never knew i had. unfortunately , those muscles are all used to wheeze. thinking it best not to run aimlessly full speed through a vegas casino, we stopped to ask where to find the monorail. do they always have to put rail stops as far away from your personal emergency as fucking possible? now that we had a destination we ran for it. i was sure we'd get tackled by some casino guard named princess juan for suspicious activity, but we managed to make it all the way to the back and all the way outside and all the way up the eighty thousand flights of stairs in time to see a train pulling away.

"oh piss, was that our train?!? i'm sorry, stimpy. maybe another one will come. these are going to be the most expensive postcards i've ever bought, aren't they?"
"it's okay. we'll just see. i'm going to get a monster drink from the machine and just sit here with my head in my hands. i bet we can still make it."
"yeah, gimme a sip. if we're going to throw up from running, it might as well be bright green to make the experience more vivid."
"i hope you really like those postcards. you might have some sixty dollar postcards there, yep."

it's coming up on the deadline for the last bus to nowhere now. stop one, stop two, stop three... come on, man! take us to bally's! as i contemplate adding to the vomit quota in las vegas, we finally finally finally pull up towards our rail stop at a tidy 11.02 pm. and wait a second, what's that? i can see the bus from here. a sigh of relief comes and my wallet stops sweating when i see derek pawing at the window in a state. i now realize that, although we can see the bus and it hasn't pulled away yet, we have to run through another gigantic casino just to get outside.

"wait for us! WAAAAAAIIIIIITTTTTT!!!" i'm waving my arms around and screaming like a junkie as we run down the monorail platform. at this point i have drool flying out of my mouth and absolutely no fear about any princess juan guards stopping us. my determination to be too cheap to take a taxi, especially when the bus to nowhere was clearly in sight, could overpower the entirety of any casino security force. i am in a dead sprint through bally's with my purse whapping against my body like a horse whip. did you know that running with a purse on your shoulder can really throw off your balance? if i didn't own rubber-soled heels, my dentist would be cashing in on a personal lottery right now. but damnit if i was going to lose those golden postcards. i had the strength of a girl who was reaching for the last cupcake in the whole of human existence and i was GOING TO GET ON THAT BUS.

so you can imagine my shock when we popped out the first set of side doors we saw and realized that the bus wasn't there. no bus to nowhere. no people. no nothing. my jaw dropped and i could feel myself about to pee on my own leg from frustration. "oh no. oh no, it's gone," i said wistfully as my head drooped and i tried to wheeze more quietly. then derek became my hero. he jerked his head to the left and pointed. "THERE IT IS! let's go!" he shouted. i was almost pissed off, just because i had finally resigned myself to just laying on the sidewalk and wallowing in tears made of green barf. (they don't actually arrest you for stuff like that in vegas, do they?) as we ran another block up the driveway to meet the driver, and yes it really was uphill once again, it occurred to me that he would get there first. i have a 28-inch inseam. a hedgehog can run faster than me, so why was i still running? he waved to me from the door of the bus. i slowed to a busy girl clipped walk tried to put myself back together, making a mental calculation of what i would do with my "found" sixty dollars. should i give derek at least thirty? he did run all the way to the bus.

stumble, stumble, wheeze. collapse. we climbed on the bus to nowhere to a few giggles as those people already waiting joked with us, "you made it, huh? cutting it a little close there, aren't you?" hehehe, glad you could join us." yeah, my cheap ass is very happy to be here. now i'm going to go look at my postcards and try to breathe. marveling on the luck of having such a dramatic moment turn out so well, i did a virtual victory dance in my seat, wheeze-injected as it was. i looked over at derek, whose head was lolling back and forth as he made tiny groaning noises and coughed.

"hey stimpy, are we gonna start working out this week?" i smiled.

what i'm doing this weekend:
improv show
opening of youth show
more rehearsals

29 April 2008

in response to liz getting her license renewed

thank goodness i read liz's blog. not only is she an astute and hilarious lady, she also reminded me that my tags were due this week. in all of our moving around the nation, i've never gotten my car tags changed. the biggest reason for this is that i'm a cheap bastard who'd much rather just mail it in and save the expense of converting and/or having to add on a tag to the front end of the car. it also gives me a good excuse to visit. flying here is obviously is more costly than mailing it in, but alleviates the guilt of spending money on travel, since i've got "business to take care of" in that instance.

the other thing i've been meaning to do for some time is change my drivers' license again. honestly, i never would've changed it in the first place if it hadn't been expiring at the time i was deciding whether or not to get one in los crapeles. silly me - i coulda mailed in a renewal and just paid a smaller fee, even with that address. going to the motor vehicles place is just too much bother.

why is it that i have to wait 45 minutes to talk to someone for 5 minutes? why is it that i have to drive to the middle of nowhere to spend my day staring at weirdos? does anyone that looks normal go to get their license besides me and liz and derek? i'm just glad he was there to entertain me. when we read the sign of "valid secondary identfication" and saw options such as fishing license, property deed, and digital likeness from previous picture on file (or something like that) on the list, we knew we were trapped in the twilight zone. and yes, liz, we did bring our NOT expired passports to prove that we were citizens de republico of los redneckies.

i am into giving credit where credit is due. in spite of the boring wait, the counter people were quite nice to me. my little dude even complimented my hair; he then asked if i ever go to the theatre. HA! i got to tell him that i'm a director and i do go to see live theatre often. turns out he knew some random art geeks and had even seen some of the shows i did last time we lived here. insert twilight zone music here, huh? we did our fingerprints, took a photo and got the right paperwork to head off to the tag agency and wait some more.

but wait! i suppose we paid our dues at the first place. the tag agency downtown is a hidden gem of a place to go take another photo, do your fingerprints over again and get back out into the world in fifteen minutes or less. they can do math and everything! the ladies there even let me take a photo where i look like a complete jackass. no, i MEANT to do it this time. it's a super-cool sort of jackass photo, not the "whaaaa....huh?" look going on that gives me that gang member ambience. in this one i have the smile like a 5 year old who just got a pair of cutesy new shoelaces for my favorite sneakers. you know, all teeth and looking overly surprised in the dumbest possible way... digital perfection! me soooooo happy now. yay me.

what i'm doing tonight:
besides wasting time with sleep-deprived babble that probably includes typos i couldn't even dream of correcting, i'm recovering from a crappy rehearsal and packing for our trip to vegas in the morning.

20 April 2008

are we in the tardis or what?

while my brother chris was here a few weeks ago we started talking about death. then we talked about what we'd like to have to remember someone by when they're gone. the next thing i know we're going on and on about stripey scarves. this is my family. this is what we do. one minute we're talking about world politics or other serious stuff, the next minute we're talking about my hair matches my clothes and why chris is a big dork. there is only so long that i can stand to converse like a grownup before my head explodes. if we don't lighten things up with an inappropriate argument over nothing and some personal slams, how do we all really feel the love?

anyway, somewhere in all this fashion and existentialism, i mentioned how much i missed seeing richard's great big dr. who scarf. see, richard was a bit of an anglophile. when i say "a bit" it of course means that i am understating the case, much like world war two was a bit of a scuffle. his favorite place to go out was the white lion pub. he had a keen eye for english antiques and doodads. he kept stockpiles of old bbc television shows in his media collection. he fancied himself to have a cunning english accent and a command of random cultural trivia.

finally, he owned a totally fabulous, extra long and stripey dr. who scarf! the thing was legendary, man. i admit it made me completely envious ever time he wore the damn thing. after he died, i used to picture him running around in the winter, popping into the theatre with that gigantic scarf and laughing his gigantic laugh. it suited him quite well and is a very concrete memory i like to associate with him often.

having my own penchant for long and colorful scarves, as well as being subjected to countless hours of dr. who while growing up, i spoke highly of richard's fashion sense with accessories. it was at this point that chris must have made a mental note. now, i remember him saying that he knew where to find such a scarf, but i never believed he would actually make an effort to run off and get one.

and then send it to me! excuse my squealing, but i am so totally a TIME LORD! a package full of dr. who goodness arrived this weekend and the thing is fifteen fucking feet long. that's about three times as long as me! talk about feeling like you're wrapped up in a hamster... well, this is like... like, the coolest thing ever. i spent a while just prancing around the house in my underpants and my new scarf singing the theme from the show. who cares if it's spring and i won't really get to wear it for several months? i wanted to run up and down the hall whooping while the fringe flapped against my arms, but my dignity (for once) thought better of such a display. some things are best left for later.

wow. i have to say that this is probably the most thoughtful gift my brother has ever sent to me. no no, i'm not crying. shut UP, i am not even getting choked up. and i didn't when it got here, either. i'm just happy is all. not only do i get to indulge in "hey look at me" side with a crazy fashion statement, but i smile just looking at it. i've already been wandering past the immense pile of scarf in my bedroom and petting it in anticipation of a chilly day. hey there, chris. hi there, richard. ho there, dr. who.

an odd thing i like:
my building has a thirteenth floor - numbered 13.