14 March 2007

it's fine

work today was fine. picking up around the house was fine. going to dinner was fine. laying on the couch later on was fine. this whole day has been fine. nothing awful, nothing great... kinda ho hum. that's not all that bad or anything. just make me stop eating cookies. i've been bewitched by squishy cookies; the fluffy soft kind with the toxic frosting that makes you all wired from sugar.

and that's the biggest story of the day for me. except that teeny tiny midget from downtown. i swear he was carrying half of his own body weight in the largest messenger bag on earth. can YOU carry something half the size of you and tote it all around downtown? me neither.

my last email:
complaining to craft because my magazine is missing. grrr.

13 March 2007

i am this many now

while i was reading liz's blog, it occurred to me that i've been fidgeting with this thing for a whole year now. how on earth did that happen? guess i missed my "happy one year blogiversary!" whoops. oh well.

since one of my special talents is going out and ordering food, i organized another girl-fud night this week with some random chicks i know. it's a vain attempt to rekindle my feeling of being a social connector; has the added bonus of involving dinner. there is a little vietnamese place just down the street from our house that we're going to meet up at and pig out like teenage boys. what? never seen chicks going out for food without the guys around? we EAT like there is no tomorrow and yap yap yap for hours. not being a big drinker (and really not liking bars that much), this is fine with me. it counts as actual socializing.

everything else feels... in flux. life is not exactly full of change, but firm footing isn't the theme of the day. it's just kinda wobbly and full of waiting. i'll let you know later how the wobble is coming along as i figure it out myself. as the animaniacs might say, "wheel of morality, turn turn turn...."

this week's very disappointing film:
fast food nation
(i had really wanted to see it, damnit, and then it blew!)

11 March 2007

i pledge allegiance to breaking my own pledge, because i know i'll have the best intentions but my motivation will come and go

each night i wander home and think, "yeah, i could write about this or that or someother thing that's happened to me today." later that night i sit in front of the computer and forget every damn thing i've done all week. then i start clicking away and reading other people's stuff for a while, sometimes even clicking on a link or two when the right mood strikes. by the time i'm done with that, it's the wee hours and i'm too tired to even think about what i want to write (and can only remember that it was dummm anyway) so i just check up on the weather and run off to bed. this condition is what's commonly known as internet time suckage; and i am a victim.

in an effort to stop pointing and clicking quite so much, i've made a new pledge, soon to be broken as most self-pledges are, to stop getting on the internet when i'm depressed. it's just as bad as sitting in front of the television with a bag of doritos and the remote control. sadly, while i was sad and watching a trashy movie last night, i could at least make a bracelet at the same time. as a sub-pledge of the aforementioned pledge, i will keep up with my "getting out of the house" thing. the sub part might help keep the main part in line, and sometimes i am less depressed when i'm doing stuff.

for instance, we had planned a getaway to portland for this weekend. circumstances arose that made us rethink and replan it for next weekend. all fine and good except for my hissy fit/preteen outburst of crying. so then we were going to change our plans to fit our schedule and go to see a friend. idea number two was quickly struck down and i was quickly spiralling down into a world of shit. (not as far as the kubrickian full metal jacket thing, but i was being a total bummer for sure. doesn't that movie scare the crap outta you? why does it always come on cable when i LEAST need to see that scene?) after my "sad shuffle" around the house finally stopped, derek made me leave the house for french toast and errands. in the spirit of being spontaneous, i stopped into a salon.

the haircut thing has been going on for as long as the new sofa thing did. after much research and about a zillion recommendations, i went with one given to me by a total stranger. i met the hairdresser and went for it. and yes, i am happy with it so far. i got some red streaks put into my normal basic black hair and a razor cut that swings down the jawline. i have a jaw! yes tanya, it's exactly the sort of thing you would have done to my hair, thank goodness. i must have been channeling you into the hairdresser when i kept on saying "whatever" to all the suggestions of what to do with my hair.

next weekend we're going to portland even if it is raining. we'll just head out of there before the st. patrick's day stuff really gets going. ack. drinking holidays make me shudder.

the other cool thing we did this week:
went to a literary reading and met mary's author friend janice. she is so terribly adorable! i loved her instantly, and the story about her aunt linda made me cry. you simply must read girlbomb, because janice totally rocks!

05 March 2007

stock pieces of advice

this is my version of a public service announcement. since everyone needs a little help in life, allow me to nag you here. and so i present a few tidbits that we all know, but you might need a reminder about in your daily life.

1. don't shop for groceries when you're hungry. you should especially avoid the aisle that has all the cream puffs and gelato... or the cheese case... or the avocados that are on sale and you don't even know how to make guacamole but you really like avocados and cream puffs. but not in the same bowl or anything. oh, you get the point, right?
2. LOOK UP once in a while. that sign you missed when you were staring in the floor just might be the one that tells you where to go. like whether or not it's okay to cross the street, or where you can pay for your stuff. if not, there will surely be an irritated person close by who is more than willing to tell you where you can go.
3. for fuck's sake, it's okay to be gassy sometimes even if you're a petite flower. dizzy proved that to us just a few days ago. if you don't let it go, you will eventually be reduced to a giant balloon. then we'll chase you around the room with a pin and try to pop you. you'd feel pretty silly whapping around the room as a big balloony gas bubble, i bet. just don't aim it at defenseless victims, please. and flames are definitely NOT required.
4. open then closet doors once in a while, or else you'll have no idea what's in there. get rid of a few things along the way so that when you move you can feel reasonably confident that you actually want some of that stuff, that you're not moving empty boxes cross country from nashville. or something like that. you have NO IDEA what's in there, do you?
5. tell your friends that you like them and why. i have personally cried twice in the past week from stunning compliments being given to me when i least expected them but most needed them. even if you're busy being a bummer - and perhaps even more so at those times - it's easy to tell someone they smell nice.
6. sleep, shit, shower, shave. if shaving is your thing. oh, and drink a glass of water every now and then, just to shut people up about how much water you don't drink but should.
7. do something really dorky. if people make fun of you for it, tell them to fuck off and flip your hair (whatever length it may be) at them in a pseudo-huff. if they can't laugh with you, they might as well laugh as far away from you as possible, or at least have the good sense to go ahead and fuck off. then laugh at them instead because they don't know what they're missing by not dorking out.
8. get yourself some really comfy pajama pants. the softer the better in this case. they're good for when you're sick. they're good for when you're sleepy. they're extra good for when you don't want to get dressed or leave the house for an entire day, but you'd rather not porky pig it around the living room because you never know who's going to peek in your windows.
9. indulge in some crappy pop culture here and there when you need to turn off your oeverworked brain. there is no shame in it. i have been told in my life that there is no such thing as a guilty pleasure. if you like something dumb, then go ahead and like it anyway. guilt is too large of a price to pay for listening to an old spice girls album. but it should only be one where they still had ginger. they really sucked after she left, you know.
10. stand up straight. all the cool kids do it.
11. (this one goes to eleven.) take care of your feet. this is more important than the thing about clean underwear. if you get in a wreck, it's totally okay to shit your pants, but you'll have no excuse for that nasty fungus. it's gross. sincerely. ask your massage therapist about nasty feet and see the reaction they give. they don't have to be the most beautiful feet in the world, but let's have a bit of pride in the hooves, shall we? the clean underwear thing is also a terrific idea, though. just in case.

the oddest thing i did today:
got a twitchy feeling at work and accidentally ended up spotting a chronic shoplifter before he could strike again. he even got thrown out of the store and made a ruckus. yay for me.

03 March 2007

prisoner of customer service

at my job i am supposed to be nice and helpful. polite. tactful. placid. generally vanilla when it comes to conflict. i should probably embrace a WASP-like persona of "oh, isn't that wonderful" on a daily basis... that is, if one were to believe that i'm likely to follow the rules. ha! you know me better than that, don't you?

in defense of my spiky behavior, there is only so far that i can be pushed, even when i'm feeling generously polite, before i snap and push right back. if you're just having a bad day and being a little cranky i'll probably go ahead and cut you a little slack, so long as you're not taking it out directly on me for no reason. if you feel the need to try and impose your stupidity on me it is another matter entirely. yes, i will be the one who does actually say those things i'm not supposed to say. it's not in my job description to provide excellent service at the expense of my own fucking soul.

EXAMPLE ONE - a black man was in this week (the fact that he's black will be important as i go on) and being very rude. more than rude. he was being an outright racist to me. he addressed me at one point as "girl" and then started in on phrases like "you people" in further attempts to condescend me. when asked if i was offended, i told him that i didn't have time for stupid stuff like that when it comes to ignorance. "what? what do you mean by that?" he said. "that's the kind of thing you people have said to blacks for years! why are you looking at me like that?" that's when i said, "because you're being a racist, sir." after his dissertation on how hispanics don't count as brown people because they don't know what it's really like and how he didn't understand why the mother of a mulatto child got offended when he said "hey, you people sure do make beautiful babies" ended, i told him what was what. well, maybe he was just pushing to see if i would take it. maybe no one had ever told him he was a jackass. maybe he thought that no one would have the nerve to call a black man a racist out in public. whatever it was, he straightened up and acted right after that. by the end of it all, he was polite and we were friendly to one another. some people just need a firm hand.

EXAMPLE TWO - a middle aged professional kept pestering me about the movie "what the bleep do we know?" when asked if i liked it, i told her that i'd fallen asleep and just didn't get it. well, according to her i needed to watch it again until i understood it. my problem, she told me, was that i hadn't appreciated it enough, that i needed to see it after i got high. to this i replied, "i don't do drugs because they're boring. drugs are for losers." she shut up immediately and promptly wandered off in shame. good. leave me the fuck alone with that shit.

EXAMPLE THREE - an old grumpy man was in a few weeks ago and felt the need to complain for over ten minutes about the service in retail. HE was a retired salesman who knew what he was doing, so HE was the authority on service. HE knew what it meant to be a good christian, and oh by the way are you a christian too? no i'm not, sir, thank you. the conversation then degenerated into what muslims think, with him saying "i don't know how YOU feel about blah blah" in a way that implied i am a muslim. how did it get to be one or the other??!?! in my way, i tried to be tactful in describing some bible stories as mythology, which is when he told me that it was all true. "even that ark thing and the flood?" i asked. "oh yes, everything in the bible is true and you should know that by now." what the fuck? that's all i can say on that guy. what the fuck?

EXAMPLE FOUR - i have become the new sweetheart of one of our more regular and more difficult customers. he's elusive. he's grumpy. he's a pain in the ass. he thinks i'm the only one who can fix his problems. i got three separate earfuls yesterday over the phone. he even reamed a coworker for the fact that i was at lunch one of the times he called. even though it "wasn't completely her fault" that he had a problem, he told her that it wasn't his job to know when i went to lunch. this was after he'd told me that it wasn't his job to give us his credit card number, because that's what were there for... to keep his charges organized. really, i'm not shitting you here when i tell you he thinks that we (or me, more to the point since he's latched on to me) should keep track of all the business he does no matter what else we have to do at work. after i finally got things smoothed over, he seemed less unhappy than usual, but now he asks specifically for me when he calls. oh how i miss being seen as an idiot.

EXAMPLE FIVE - i am sick of being told what exactly IS my fault when it's simply a decision that is out of my control. i'm the sort that will bend as many rules to a snapping point as possible, all to work in your favor. if you have some manners and decency, there isn't a thing i won't do for you. however, it IS NOT my fault that you're in a hurry and running late. it IS NOT my fault that buying more shit is expensive. it IS NOT my fault that it's raining in seattle. it IS NOT my fault that you credit card got declined. it IS NOT my fault that you want to push your personal beliefs on me and then can't be prepared for the fact that i might not agree with you. it IS DEFINITELY NOT my fault that you have no fucking sense of compassion or humor and can't pull your head out long enough to realize i'm a human being and not a personal slave.

okay, so that last one was a much more general bitching, but still an example of the regular havoc that goes on when i'm just trying to have good conduct. yes, it is called "the service industry" for a reason; that reason is not to imprison its employees into being random whipping boys and girls. if you want to commiserate about your bad day, i'm your girl. if you want to complain about someone who just bumped into you and didn't bother to apologize, that's fine. just don't load me up with your petty shit and then expect sunshine and smiles.

so i will do my best to be helpful, but you can also count on me to reflect your attitude like a mirror. if you think that i'm not going to push back against being abused just because i need a job, then think a-fucking-gain. being on the clock DOES NOT take away my right to get a little respect. my being in the building in no way makes me some submissive ninny who is going to take your shit. if you have problems, get a fucking counselor and deal with it. the middle of a simple transaction is not the place to resolve your issues.

whew. i needed that.

something fun i did this week:
saw a live burlesque show!

01 March 2007

lunchtime soo-prize

derek came to meet up with me for lunch today! a nice surprise like that is always a welcome delight in the middle of the week. it wasn't anything shocking, just a nice outing in the sun. having lunch with someone you like is always a good thing. having greasy pizza and root beer for that lunch? even better. and i had to grab a few little sweeties from the flagrantly aromatic donut stall.

after f-u-d there was time for a stroll through the market. not only did we buy gobs of freshly meat, but we stopped by a fruit stand or two. we also found a gourmet food shop in the market with all kinds of neat stuff. hp sauce! cookies a-plenty! fancy pants pastas! i could hardly believe that i hadn't shopped in this place sooner. just goes to show you how you might think you know an area - even a small area - and then you find something new all over again.

on the walk back to work we saw a little beast. a furry beast that could run like the wind. a beast asleep in a fuzzy hat. it's been a long while since i've had opportunity to hold a ferret. she was soooooooo cuuuuuuuuute! she fell asleep while resting in the hat, right in my arms. did i mention it was cuteness galore or what? fuzzy fluffy sleepy (rescued!) animal in a stocking cap. eee!

it's nice to get out at lunch.

which animal in the house is trying the hardest, even campaigning blatantly, to win the daily cute award given out in our house:
stuart foster (laying on his own head)