30 September 2009

i'll have the equinox with a side of chili, please

so it's finally fall, and i'm dragging out all the clothes i lurrrve. my turtleneck anxiously await their yearly coming out, and the jackets beckon to me. unfortunately, we've only had about two days of autumn so far. it was bee-yoo-tee-full for a brief moment, with a backsliding back into the last fighting bits of summer sun.

i'm even the tiniest bit pink from my swan lake outing with kris and les enfants yesterday morning, despite the use of sunscreen. kris looks happy, if not completely exhausted, with the little people in their cruiser. miss mo-mo, as i instantly began to call her, looks at you with a certain suspicion that you're going to bother her when she least feels like being sociable. audrey is a pistol with her ammunition being tons and tons of words. i can't believe so many people around me are becoming parents of little people. the fuzzy people i'm used to, but this is a whole new thing. it's still odd to me. some of the little people walk, and even talk in complete sentences now.

when i look at my friends, time doesn't seem to pass, but when i look at their people, this "new thing" i'm adjusting to in their lives freaks me out sometimes. however, either the pod people haven't taken them all away yet or i'm like a boiling frog in their mommy and daddy stock pots of conversation. i have faith in them and i've met their kids. let's vote for the first option.

school sucks, but i'm learning something. fair enough trade?

project scooter is going bye bye today. we have coincidentally managed to sell it to someone from the seattle area, which makes me laugh. i think the boys should get another one and work on it over the fall, but derek has moved on to project fountain pen in an effort to keep busy right now. next i'm going to put him on sound design so he can obsess over getting those electric chair buzzes and police sirens just so for me. maybe if i ask nicely enough he'll agree without much of a fuss and enjoy tapping away on his computer to do it. yes, he's managed to occupy his time in between job interviews quite well. (he's got three more interviews this week so far.) he is much more patient than i ever could be, in this or any other situation, which i admire about him. in the meantime, he's also doing an awesome job of fattening me up for winter. derek's chili is uber-good!

modern political theory = dead white guy, dead white guy, dead middle eastern guy, dead mediterranean guy, dead white guy, etc. am i excited about machiavelli or what?

you know what else is hard for me to get? so many people driving around with their windows up all the time. it's finally turning into great weather and they're still in auto cocoons. there can't possibly be that many people with allergies in cars. as many who've ridden in my car while freezing to death can attest, i love to roll down the windows. being in a car magically turns me into a puppy dog with the need to get wind in my hair. on a long road trip i'll roll them up as a courtesy to others, or maybe when it's raining hard enough to get all my stuff wet, but otherwise i'm all breeze. maybe i was buried alive in a car during a past life and just can't stand to be confined anymore.

rehearsals are going very well. we just got our set (what little there is of it) put up and it'll be painted soon. joel came last night to discuss lighting design with me. people are off book way before my ridiculous deadlines. if things keep up like this, i may give them an extra day off to go have a life. not to be overconfident, but we're ahead of schedule and i just don't want them getting totally bored. we're all excited about the show right now and i'd be pleased if that momentum could be sustained for the next few weeks until opening. guess it's my job to keep them going. more death penalty statistics, anyone? that should help to motivate the sing-along. you know it's my theory that every show should have a number. just because this one has people exonerated from prison doesn't mean it should be exempt from such a fabulous guideline. as mary says, "remember, it's supposed to be a HAPPY ending to the show. they all got released in real life!" right-o, toots. i gotcha. happy happy joy joy.

the funniest thing derek said today:
okay, so if you were roman polanski, would you really want someone like woody allen coming out publicly in your defense?

25 September 2009

why thinking is like being gassy

well yes, i aced one test and failed another. so be it. who needs the honor roll when you can just be done with it? i only have to pass, not be spectacular, and as i have often said to others, "in real life everyone has a C average." fuck 'em. it's a good thing i get points just for showing up and having smarty pants things to say in class.

my epiphanies in school as of late are like farts. they come on out of nowhere, i begin to make a face as i smell them, and BOOM! then they dissipate and i forget they were ever there. no silent but deadly ones yet, but some embarrassing intellectual queefs (or queebs, depending on how you say the word - i have heard both variations) have popped out of my mouth without notice. the kind of thing that's sensible enough to say, yet leaves you with a wide-eyed start and lingering playback in your own head. they're shocking and amusing all at the same time, but i'd prolly rather not bring them up later unless i'm amongst a group of good-humored friends.

maybe i should get a book of farts to go along with my studies. it should be one with sound effects, of course. no sense in learning about what dead white guys pondered unless i'm being entertained at the same time. too bad my fart machine was stolen so long ago. wait, do i have something that burps? maybe flarp would work well here. flarp as a study aid. hmmm, i like the sound of that. see there, derek and all the other boys were right... it really IS the perfect toy!

yes, veronica, you do hate me:
i'm doing my new shoes dance! in my nuwsed fluevog knee-high boots! does it make you feel better that they're called fellowships?

22 September 2009

turbo-nerd strikes again

okay, so i admit that homework sucks. studying isn't my favorite thing either. the college thing doesn't really seem to be my scene at all. the main motivation i'm getting to stay is from other people's excitement that i'm trying to finish. my heart isn't in it, but if they can be happy for me, i can keep on plugging away at this goofiness.

apparently, one of my professors is rewarding me for my patience. not only does he not a final scheduled as of yet, he also has no big fat "grade by weight" paper due anytime. i get to write short papers for him each week, which is fine by me. contrary to derek's belief when he has to listen to me babbling, i can say a lot with only a thousand words. in another stunning bit of joy, we're having a geography test today! if you know me, you know i have a slight obsession with maps.

give me an atlas and i can be completely quiet for an entire hour, lost in those pages. (derek, don't get any ideas!) taking a geography test sounds like torture to some people, but for me it's like putting a puzzle together. looking at maps is like travel in itself for me. i stare at the pink and green and whatever color blobs laid out in ever-changing shapes and whisk myself away all over the world. oh, and don't even get me started on historical maps. watching history come alive as the borders shift and empires disappear? this must be what mary feels like when she reads a jane austen novel. it creates an uncontrollable sigh of awe. i pore my fingers over the pages in an attempt to discover their secrets. what happened there? which people woke up in a new country without even knowing it? what if those mountains didn't exist?

it's unabashed nerdiness, and i love it. looking at books filled with wondrous maps was what got me interested in social studies so long ago. they provided just the tool that was needed to escape my own world and see something bigger. so yes, this test seems like something of an academic gift to me. better ace it, huh?

happy happy joy joy:
it's jacket weather! i can finally breathe again!

17 September 2009

get back in business, baby

tanya came to visit! she just left today to go see her mom on the way back to maryland. hmph, i should've had her cut my hair while she was here, but eating sushi and mexican food together was enough for this time. it's hard to believe she finally cleaned out her storage unit after three years. i imagine it must have been like a hannibal lecter thing after all this time, complete with an antique automobile and a detached face in a jar.

i really wish she could start her own catering business, but the laws in that part of the country are apparently very draconian for startups. she told me that there are only so many liquor licenses issued in that state, so obtaining one from a former business can cost up to a million dollars. once i cleaned out my ears and realized she wasn't kidding, i became irrationally angry on her behalf. all she wants is a little dessert and drink cafe! what the fuck?!? don't they know she could be creating new jobs in the area? this is what i don't understand about all this talk of getting the economy back on track.

not to get too political or anything, but new or aspiring boutique/small businesses all over are constantly being discouraged by regulations and cost. it's a lot easier to get things going in this part of the country, but some of the tax laws just bury you in the end. if we really want to divert some of the cash flow from simply being held by gigantic corporations and get people spending, how about making it a bit more attractive to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps? where the hell is our personal bailout?!?! people like tanya could redirect that money into a plausible business plan and generate a positive cash flow within their own communities, thereby instilling some faith in a local economy. once that happens, it's only a matter of time before things begin stabilizing. if people can feel secure in what they know and see every single day, they stop psyching themselves out in a larger realm.

maybe i'm just pulling off some great asstalk here, but it would seem to me that the psychological component of financial recovery plays a huge part in boom goes the dynamite. if tiny leaks can sink a ship, what can plugging up the little holes do for it? ugh, it sounds like i've been spending too much time around derek. either that or i'm oversimplifying the whole thing. consumer faith shouldn't be in denial of reality, but it also can't let the chicken little effect take over entirely and keep the panic going forever.

but then , i keep on spending our money, so we're helpers to the economy. and people keep on buying my old stuff, so they're helpers, too. maybe it's like i heard on the radio one day not so long ago - people will get back out there. they can't help but do it. after a while, staying home to hoard and save all of your money just gets too boring.

who i heart this week:

16 September 2009

bye bye britney

britney spears has been my neighbor this week. no kidding, really! she was doing a show in town and staying at the hotel on my street. we pulled off the freeway coming home a few nights ago and saw flashing lights. "is that at the hotel or our house?" i asked derek. he surmised the hotel and crept along the road until we pulled up next to them. it's normal to see big trucks and whatnot near us from the shows here, so we scanned the local calendars in our heads to figure out who it was this time.

"oh yeah! it's gotta be britney spears!" but why would she need a police escort? more directly, why would only her freight truck need an escort? riding past the side doors to the hotel, we saw the answer. what could be so important in her gear that it needs protection, you ask? it was a small rolling flatbed filled with pallets of bottled water! yes, britney takes that kabbalah water pretty fucking seriously, i suppose. we wouldn't want to poison a rock star with something from the tap, or even something filtered. everyone knows that.

the show was last night and traffic in our 'hood started piling up before people even got off work. i poked my head outside to spy on the back of the hotel. see, i used to work there and eon ago, ago we would have to send famous people out the service entrance that the employees used to come to work. in my younger days, i once led two singers through the service halls and the kitchen, then literally drove them across the street to their entrance at a performance venue, just so they wouldn't have to walk through the lookey-loos in the lobby. hmm, wonder what britney thought of the ancient time clock sitting in the hallway.

i didn't check to see if there were any more water bottles getting an escort out of the building this morning. maybe she stuck around just long enough to hit a few rockin' barbecue joints and the daylight donut shop. but if i find a random kabbalah bottle on the side of the road, i promise to think of her fondly.

blech! in job news:
they want me to come back to my old job. i hate interviewing, but i also hate driving out on that side of town. still thinking about it, but i'm trying to hold out for now.
derek had another phone interview this week. i'll let you know. we're also doing some local networking for him that might pay off if we're lucky.

11 September 2009

words i like today - chapter one

today's installment of random weirdo crap will be including things i to say and/or write. we all have this secret list in our heads, whether we admit it or not. i'm just cool because i like to admit in public that i'm a goofy nerd. like the other day when i was out to lunch with tanya and discovered that i had my underpants on inside out. it wouldn't have been so funny had i not come out of the ladies' room at fuji and told her all about it. yeah, i'm hip like that. it's part of my charm.

  • MOIST - because i can
  • retractable - it works the mouth and yet rolls off the tongue
  • geezer - damn, that's just fun to say, and it has EEE!
  • quaint - it's an enchanting thing, don't you think?
  • craptacular - mary makes me love this
  • monumentous - a word i heard on trash tv, used to describe when something is both momentous and monumental. thanks for more trash, liz!
  • falafel - again, just a fun thing to say. like waffle. good to say, good to eat. everyone's happy all around.
  • hoo ha - is it a party? is it a vagina? is it a fight? who knows?!?
  • tank - there's something very sturdy about it. this is an excellent example of a word sounding exactly like what it is.
  • kerfuffle - ranks up there with moist and waffle on my all-time faves list. so great it's almost better than fercockety.
  • pisser - any variation on piss has slowly become a close second to fuck in my exclamatory swearing, in spite of its rather benign meanings and reactions. third place goes to "sofia coppola!" because she just sucks.
  • woof - okay, so animal noises in general always rank high with me.

poor bubbenstein:
bubba is looking ashy and rashy, so he has to go to the vet today. we think it's just some kind of skin thing, but he's going for a visit to be on the safe side. the humidity hasn't done much to improve the hairstyling of dizzy or stuart either. good to know it's not just my hair that looks poopy in this weather.

10 September 2009

another week in the fray

my latest nuwsed item that i love? a pink armless wingback chair from the local consignment store. stuart copeland seems to love it as well, so i've decided to share it with him.... as if i have a choice. he didn't like the day i put double-stick tape on the cushion. it was meant to train everyone to stay offa my damn chair! it worked until i took off the tape, at which point they all took turns resuming their "this is mine" posturing on the matching pillow. right now it's piled high with photo albums and postcards, but the second those things move it'll be a furry land run once again.

holly says my house looks very cozy after all this nesting. it puts me on the verge of being afraid i've become boring. then i take my pill and remember that i'm kind of a lunatic. that's reassuring in the oddest way. bawk bawk bawk!

i looked at my birthday calendar for september. in figuring out that there is someone marked on almost every single day, i deduced that the holiday season would produce some good lovin' and many babies later on for people. happy new year, eh?

the humidity here has turned my hair into a total grease ball. it never quite dries, it's always yucky, and i can't seem to keep it outta my face. my hairdresser promised he wouldn't cut it off while the thermometer reads over 60, because he knows i just get hot and sweaty. if i can only make it through a few more weeks, i should be good until springtime. looks like this is a job for pigtails.

and i'll prolly just shave it off in the spring anyway. it's my cycle of hair. too long and i cut it off. after missing my pigtails, i grow it out again unti i can't stand it anymore. do i still have a decent headshot to go with my short hair? i'll have to make nick take some more shots next time around. for now i might dye it a stoopid color, just because i can. hmmm, wonder what kind of backup colors i have in the bathroom cabinet.

our first rehearsal went great! perhaps we're sick people, but we were relieved to see that there is much more humor in this play than anticipated. if you can't laugh at the death penalty and exoneration, what can you laugh at, right? julie was in the next room last night and said she heard us periodically cackling with gusto. whee! excitement! this is going to be much more fun than i had even hoped before! i'm going with a different approach in structuring things - lines before blocking this time. the script is very organic (not to sound all hoity toity and shit) in nature, so i want to get the stories down in their heads before we move around. the bodies will follow, but i don't see any flailing in our future.

veronica would be proud of me. with eleven actors in the show, and many of them cast as several people, i made a color-coded map of who is on what page and what character they play each time. you just had to know that all those dozens of sharpies would come in handy for me. it looks like a road map to hell with pretty colors. maybe i'll give it to her as a late birthday present when we're all finished.

derek's revelation of the week:
he can set and control the tivo from his ipod. it's the little geeky things in life that truly make him happy.

08 September 2009

embrace the suckage and let it go

the show is cast! and if i do say so myself, i have gotten some truly faboo peeps. we were lucky enough to have gotten in some people with chops and strong opinions. since i have a penchant for collaboration, this work to my advantage in making my job easier. i'm sure i'll be slapping my forehead when la revolucion begins, but it'll be worth it.

"speak up! move left! move right! pick up your cues! enunciate! stay in the lights!" that's my job as a director. i don't do pre-blocking unless there is a part in the script that calls for it or i just have one little teensy thing here and there that i have worked out in my head. i do not give line readings. i do not have simple answers regarding "my motivation" in a show. my task is to bring out the best in other people, not to squish them into a box or let them hide out.

if they cry and hate me, well.... they'll get over it, right? tough love, that's what i say. i'm not the kind of person who was ever known for her tactfulness skills anyway. i'm direct (no pun intended) and i know what i like. nothing makes me happier in a show than when people surprise me with something better than what i had in mind before. looking like a fool is a daily ritual for me. reckless abandon in odd behavior is my friend. i'm kind of an asshole without realizing it and don't mind people calling me a bitch. i hate hurting people's feelings - in fact, i cry often about it - but i know sometimes you have to be blunt to get through to people.

embrace the suckage and let it go.

that has become my personal motto. if at first you fuck up completely, laugh about it and move along. it's useful when trying to balance out your perfectionist side. even if everything could be all goldilocks, i would still be rearranging a dead chicken on stage until i got it jusssssst riiight. uh, that's perhaps not the most cohesive reference, but just trust me this time.

so when i call mary or veronica in the coming weeks and complain that the cast hates me and i had a bad night at rehearsal, they should remind me to embrace the suckage. and then remind me to let it go. not that i can be obsessive or anything. who 's talking about obsessive? me? never. i didn't just rearrange the post-its on my desk. you can't prove anything.

what i hate about looking for a job:
being looked over like meat
taking out my nosering
having to look at my own resume
brushing my hair
not saying "fuckers!" in an interview

02 September 2009

random side notes - chapter twenty one

altruistic things i did this week:
gave a pregnant hitchhiker a ride to the bus station to meet up with a friend of hers (it was night and she was all alone and a sweet girl)
stopped by a broken down car to ask if they need to use my phone (they already had someone on the way to help them out and tow the car)
let derek finish the dulce de leche ice cream in the freezer without a fight (i had some at book club and have bee spoon-scavenging ever since)

the party this past weekend went off with barely a hitch. we got terrific food and prizes! the singers got a great reception, so thanks to kelly and sally and harriet and liz. our little "movie preview" ploy seemed to go over as a hit. i just want to get some good ticket sales outta the whole thing, because some of us spent all day on friday running around town to pick up food and things. overall, i would say it was a raging success and attendance was even more than we had expected.

our scooter team did a hilarious ride, led and anchored by harleys, honking all the way down the street while i passed out stickers for the theatre. do you have a flag? we do!!! it billowed on the back of a harley as they rode past. derek was a sweetie and organized the whole thing for us. the scooter team also managed to win a scooter scavenger hunt on sunday, garnering all of us even more praise and laughter. i'm not quite sure how they all squished into a telephone booth, but harriet and tony have the photos to prove it actually happened. this was a good weekend for publicity.

derek got me an old-lady pill box with the days of the week on it. a couple of weeks ago, i forgot to take my pill and felt strangely drugged and twitchy. now i must ask you this: how does one feel so loopy by NOT taking a pill? it's possible that i may be addicted to my antidepressant - wheeeeee!

speaking of old ladies, has anyone else started to become coupon-obsessed lately? it feels like i've stepped over the line here. however, i haven't gone so far into the abyss that i refuse to go out without having a coupon in hand. it's just nice to bogo (buy one/get one free) my frozen custard with linsey and cameron. there's this peanut butter and banana thing that i just can't resist and... ouch. i think i'm turning into elvis.

mary promises to try and put up cool photos every day this month in her blog. she has a million of them. i'm going to hold her to it. oh, the pressure!

we never realized exactly how many cd's we had before we started getting rid of them. yes, we've gone to digitizing and selling off the collection. about half of it is gone - and we've started in on the dvd's as well - and we still have a whole rack of stuff. this works out for me since i adore going to the post office. it's my not-so-secret hobby to put things in packages and send them away. how can megan be afraid of such a thing? though i think that since she met the APC machine, her fears have subsided.

i heard on NPR that the most hated word in the english language is moist. people think it sounds dirty or something like that. it's a word i've always liked because it sounds just like what it really means. my criteria for loving a word over a long period of time is just that. these are things i think about in the middle of the night. don't judge - you do it too. moist. say it again. moist. ooooh yeah, i like that. moist. um...maybe it is a bit naughty.

homework sucks. but in a soothing way.

the auditions went well and i did have a lot of people show up. i'll cast the show this week and start on rehearsals after labor day. i'm happy to see that we're finding humor in such a downer subject. my big thanks go to the playwrights for making that easier. with the talented selection of people i got in the auditions, i'm looking forward to seeing how the production turns out next month. this script is going to need a road map for navigation.

favorite podcasts this week:
wait wait don't tell me (of course)
live from london: eddie izzard and simon amstell
the onion radio news