holy shit! moment of the week

MARY IS HERE! EEEE!!!

so derek wanted to borrow my car to "run some errands" today. i had rearranged my schedule at the last minute for something and didn't get to attend class today, almost spoiling his plans. he asked me to come with him so he could drop me off at my destination later. well, of course i'm completely gullible when it comes to surprises and didn't even catch on when we pulled into the airport parking lot.

"what are doing here?"
oh, nick asked me to pick up a package for him this afternoon."
"oh, okay. whatever."

duh. i'm the goofball who was rearranging my scarf into different configurations and practicing my posture... when mary pops into view out of nowhere! i screamed and let out an "EEE!" at the baggage claim. she's here a whole week! she's sitting here in my living room at this very moment! we can have a super fun girl party slumber party at holly's house this weekend when veronica rolls into town. wowee, am i a lucky ducky girl or what?!? tankoo berry mucho, derek. sometimes it's great to be the last to know.


why we suck:
derek and mary are watching some marketplace thing on the tivo about turkey contracts or some stupid shit like that. they are rapt with attention. i think i have to pee.

random side notes - chapter twenty two

okay, so you know when there's a fight to the death on the original star trek series and they play that "certain doom" kind of music? that tune is on a loop in my head. dunh dunh, dahhhh dahhh dahhh dahhh, dun dun dah. you know what i'm talking about. totally brings up a visual of one of those times they had big sharp pokey things on the rocky surface of a planet and thrashed about in torn shirts.

last week i attended an "arts in crisis" seminar presented by michael kaiser from the kennedy center. i enjoyed myself and ate bagels. it was nothing groundbreaking as far as the ideas being presented. however, it was a nice chance to mingle with other artists/arts type people in the area. the gathering also gave me an opportunity to be reminded of all the simple things i can sometimes forget when it comes to marketing. there are times when you just need to have someone else remind you of the things you already know to get you motivated, and that's the most effective kind of talk to me.

i'm going to get started on a couple more households soon. is there a better term for what i've been doing than household excavation? see, i don't make people get rid of everything. i don't redecorate for them. there is no construction going on in the process. it's simply a way to remove a lot of garbage and make people think about what they want in a house. if ideas come up about organization and interior design, i help them make a plan of what to get done. it's the culling and reducing of shit; that's the process i'm really into, and then we can get a modified clean slate. what would you call something like that?

my mind is full of whapping lately. whap, whap, whap - just like that shredded tire you hear that makes you pull over and regroup. i can hear the sound faintly, in between rounds of that star trek tune.

if it's in reference to hobbes, shouldn't it be pronounced hobb-zee-yun, as opposed to the way i keep hearing it, hoe-bee-zee-yun? what the fuck, man?!? this really must be a trick they're playing on me.

maybe the sorting and removing is like artistic inspiration for me. it certainly falls under sociology, almost like it's a domestic adventure. i love to see what's important for people to keep, and haven't yet encountered a situation where i could judge someone for it. trust me, i can judge on a lot of things, but the contents of a person's house is hardly one of them. short of having hygiene issues or hazards, it's too personal to say what someone else should cherish. i mean, my little collection of bizarre miniature plastic toys might raise an eyebrow. let's not even talk about my penchant for bottle caps.

at long last, the show opens this week. yay for us! we have two really fun artists for the gallery, the tech designs should be fantastico, and my actors are all ready. we've now come to the point where it feels as if we've been doing this forever and we just want to get going. come on out and see us, faithful audience.

i heart my ticket stub diary! eee!

lately i am curious. not about anything in particular, but about everything i encounter in some way. that is to say, i am easily fascinated by things. it leads me to collect all sorts of trivia and tidbits about nothing much relating to anything, but it's still strangely exciting. there was a time not so long ago where i could give a shit less about much of anything, including the stuff i found interesting. it's an odd quality, no doubt the thing that is producing the whapping noise, yet i appreciate it in spite of its borderline mania producing effects. it's like i just can't stop thinking and wondering and supposing what if to the world. then i wear myself out and wake up the next day wondering who took off my shoes.

what's up with all the hitchhikers around here lately?

yes, derek is on facebook. no, i am not going to get a facebook account. this is as consistent as i can stand for posting online. there's no way i could keep up with some wall of spamming and getting messages beyond my email boxes. it's all too much for me. i've just now conquered my fears of learning how to burn cd's and get digital photos printed. if you really want me to get in touch with you, i probably already know how. if you want to find me, it's pretty easy. i have become a texting fiend, so doesn't that at least count?

i really like asparagus. it's no mighty avocado, mind you, but a tasty green food nonetheless. (those of you who've known me for a while possibly remember my posting some time ago about the mighty avocado. nothing has changed there.) and since autumn is here, i need more yams and more squash. mushy tubers and hearty greens - woo hoo!

it's my humble opinion that academics should learn how to write like they talk. being a big snotty pedantic in your book doesn't help me to grasp what the hell you're saying. it doesn't make me any smarter. it makes me want to read sweet valley high books instead of slogging through your gajillion word sentences until my eyes cross in frustration. speaking of which, i really need to catch up on the wimpy kid series. ooh, and i got a great comedic fake memoir to bring to book club this weekend.


miracle of the week:
i'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop.

how to be exciting on a monday

so i said that other people's lives are more interesting than your own, which can definitely feel true when you're just slogging through your day buying cat litter. i also told you to have a story to tell every day. this helps me to feel more interesting.

last night was more interesting. dance party on a monday night! scott and zoe hosted a random party night, complete with nerf guns, disco lights, and grilling. they both donned drawn-on mustaches for the event. we took a cue from zoe, as she is nine years old, and let loose with goofiness. the fan in the middle of the room had floating balloons. we did fashion model scarf-dancing, parading through doorways with our best sashays. scott put on a crazy penguin hat while flinging about in a festive way. we inhaled the sopapilla cheesecake and pigged out on cheeseburgers and hot dogs. yeesh, i can only imagine how hard it was for scott to get zoe to go to bed after all that excitement. she's already the best sort of spazzoid during the day.

the rest of the day, before dance party hoo-ha, i spent concentrated on social darwinism and the amorality of power. yes yes yes, turbo-nerd has invaded. it was more fun than it sounds, especially when i compared the proliferation hannah montana to televised executions. for the first time in class, i was revered as a creative revolutionary. and did you know that the concept of social darwinism really doesn't have a staid definition? it has several, most of which directly contradict each other. how refreshing to realize once again that the "expert theorists" have no idea what they're really talking about and have to create a paradoxical term that allows for many things. see, it's because SD is my new serendipity. even though i have brought it up in conversation lately, it's also been that thing that pops up when i'm not expecting it. just when i forget about it, someone brings it up in class, or i see reference to it on the web, or darwin turns into a zombie and drops by the house for potstickers. he explained to me that you can throw away some of the less savory elements of the terminology and focus on promoting the personalities of people in a positive way. it's not about just the white people being totally cool anymore. it's about accountability and character. redefining is fun, huh?

this means i have the most neat-o peeps, because i'm pretty hard on people.

oh, and i got a call yesterday to direct another show. yay! holly made fun of me, because she knows how much ayn rand drives me berserk, and yet i applied to direct the night of january 16th after i get done with my current production. at least i can rest assured that derek is going to be excited about helping me with my new project. i haven't worked with this company before, so i'm branching out a little bit here.

after getting totally worn out from thinking too hard and doing silly dances while avoiding nerf pellets, i came home and watched stuart act like a rubber band. what on earth? he's got a nighttime switch that comes on and shoots him around the house with little thuds as he runs into a wall here and there from gaining too much velocity. i passed out fully clothed on the sofa, making me infinitely more interesting than if i had been a sensible person who went to bed at a reasonable hour.


more creative inspiration:
i spent way too much money at indie emporium this past weekend, but it was worth it. i got some great new art pieces for me and terrific presents for other people. tomorrow i'm going to an arts in crisis conference, and my head is whapping with excitement.

what common sense tries to me while i'm in pajamas, besides that whole embrace the suckage thing

if only you hit shuffle enough times on your music, you will find just what you're looking for and have an epiphany.

you should have a story to tell every single day.

don't run out of coffee before you get dressed.

find one thing to get done every day, even if it's just getting your face washed before you go to bed or taking out the trash.

every show needs a number. (you know, like a song and dance thing.)

try to at least vaguely learn who wrote what classic literature so you don't look like a complete jackass when you're at the bookstore.

stop putting things in that special place so you won't lose them. that's the surest way to lose them.

there was a meeting. that's how it came about. and they weren't really kidding when they had that meeting. someone thought it was a good idea. if you don't believe me, just watch "snakes on a plane" again late at night.

keep some stamps around the house.

eat some vegetables, damnit.

your cats cannot understand you talking. they are hungry and want your adoring attention. and your spot on the sofa. but you can pretend anyway.

shut up once in a while.

there is absolutely nothing wrong with sitting in your bathtub fully clothed. even if you do have the shower running at the time.

yes, you are just a little bit fat. get over yourself and be proud of your wobbly bits. they're never going to go away no matter what you do. i mean, really. so what.

hanging upside down can be good for you.

there is only so much tape you can put on a package before you have to wonder if it still counts as recycling.

hang up your artwork. there's a reason you got it, or made it, and i doubt that reason was for all of it to sit on the floor while you come up with the perfect arrangement on the wall. it's fine to move it around later if you don't like it that way.

you can never have too many flashlights.

get a pair of sensible shoes. treat your feet well.

figure out if there's a reason you have so many empty boxes stuffed in closets and such. if you want to keep them you can, but you don't have to. there will always be another box. there will always be more bubble wrap. there will always be more tape.

other people's lives always seem more interesting or exciting than your own. but you're just as much of a cool weirdo as they are when it's someone else hearing about you. they've probably never met the wrong miss america or heard a holocaust survivor say, "oh, i understand. the holocaust is over, but traffic is every day." think about it.


friends in town, friends out of town:
another long-lostie in town this week - yay! so now i've seen kris, tanya, samantha, and tara all within a month! looks like andy and veronica are coming around next. guess that means it's time for me to drag my ass outta town somewhere and see people, too. that old flight credit is a-calling to me...

why i won't cast stephen brown in a show again

every day i tell someone how much i love my cast. seriously. well, the part i hadn't realized in this was that i meant the cast i was actually working with every rehearsal. there are eleven people in this show, and we were constantly working with ten of them. the last one had a lot of conflicts that we've been working around... until now. so what i must've meant to say was that i love my cast, minus one rude fuck shit motherfucker.

but he's gone now, so up his and the horse he rode in on, nanny nanny boo boo. but the so-called loss we suffered (momentarily) is quite entertaining, especially for other chronic swearers and avid fans of the word fuck, so here's the basic what-have-you on what happened last sunday night:

me: is there some reason you think you don't have to say the script as written?
him: i can say that in performance, but i didn't think i'd have to in rehearsal.
me: you need to say the lines. i've dealt with this problem before, and he understood the difference between being himself and playing a character. the sooner you do it, the easier it will be for you. fuck shit, motherfucker, bullshit. come on, you need the practice.
him: i said i would do it later on. i just don't see why it's necessary right now.
me: this is why i told everyone about it up front and said i would not be changing any of the script for anyone. remember that? it would change the character. you have to do it.
him: oh, i understand that, but i didn't think that applied to rehearsal.
me: have you met me? what about me says that you can get away with that?
him: i mean, i can do it on stage, but...
me: when you're in rehearsal, you are on stage.
him: oh, i see.
me: just get it over with. you're messing up the other actors.

for a moment he did acquiesce and do his shit correctly. but even after that whole scene, he waited until i had my head turned answering someone's questions and still tried to rewrite his character. luckily, missy is an astute stage manager who stayed on his ass and made him do it again until he read the script as written. then she continued to correct him on every last syllable that he tried to change to fit some moral standard that he had conveniently invented for himself on the spot. i heart missy, lemme tell ya.

so now, keep in mind that i cast this show about a month ago. he's had time to read the entire script and discuss any problems with us for a very long time. he could've at least just walked out of that rehearsal and quit. he could've pulled me aside privately at any time and said he changed his mind. oh, but no. he called me two days later and asked me to call him back. i tried to call him over the week, because i was pretty sure what the deal was, and i should have just kicked him out in the first place when he put up such a fuss, but i was trying to give someone the benefit of the doubt and "be nice" and work with someone. by friday, when i hadn't heard anything else, i had stopped even thinking about it went to my meeting talking about our wonderful show.

my ringer was off at the time and i didn't check my messages until saturday morning, at which time i discovered he'd called me friday evening, just at his call time for his other show so i couldn't have called him back, and dropped out of the part via voicemail. according to him, it was some kind of traumatic dilemma that he had to say those things. in making him do so for no good reason, because of course he'd already promised to do it for a performance, i had become a ruthless and relentless who crossed ethical lines. it was too much, boo hoo and blah blah poor me, hope this isn't a problem and i haven't inconvenienced anyone, and so forth.

sofia coppola! i. mean. really.

let's recap this - we audition and cast before labor day, rehearse without him except for weekends, explain to the woman playing his wife that it'll be okay, he throws a fit, i try to contact him, he waits and makes his replacement miss another entire week of rehearsals before he says anything, and i'm the bad person? what-the-fuck-ever, man. such unprofessional and inconsiderate actions get in gossip mill fast around here, and he should know that. if anyone asks, i'll just let them know that he can't say the lines of a script as written, he's unreliable, and he doesn't consider the other cast and crew working on a project before being a whiny baby who wastes everyone's time. in short, totally not worth the risk or effort. oh, and it gets even better and more hilarious than that. he can't say "motherfucker" out loud, but he was in oedipus last week! OEDIPUS! and antigone! that's some disgusting shit, in case you didn't know. but it's better to be it than to say it, right?

when you're done laughing and shooting milk out of your nose (did i finally get you with that one, mary?) you can see how dumb this really is. but don't forget that i dodged a real bullet here. he could've totally jacked this up for all of us. with my trusty cell made of gold, i made a few calls and had someone in to read for the part a few hours later. now we have a new robert in our cast, and the person doing it was my dream choice for it anyway! so it turns out i was lucky in this whole thing! what could have been a horrible day worked into an even better cast than i got in the first place.

when life gives you lemons, put on some lipstick. that's what i say. must have picked out the right shade that day, because now i can truly say that i love my crew and my cast... every last one of them. what's more, i have a really fucking funny story to tell. because oedipus is a classic, you know.


the other thing from last weekend:
derek and i took a screen printing class from carla, and it was a blast! jenny and ryan went too, and we had so much fun. derek made some cool prints and t-shirts, one of which he's wearing right now. i made two awesome tote bags. i MADE stuff all by myself! it was just the artistic inspiration we've been missing around the house.