if you are like me, which you are and you know it, because i'm totally way cool, and so you want to be like me, that's the obvious answer, then you will appreciate my ability to make even a run on sentence seem correct, mostly because you know how to put enough commas in it to make people forget that you have yet to use a period, and who wants to have a period anyway, right, since those things are just wretched, so instead you divert people's attention to trying to remember what the hell this was supposed to be about, and oh yeah, it's a travel entry.
at least that's my story. maybe the trip is twisting my little brain. since my latest alter ego has surfaced, i feel that rock rolling all over the place. bonnie will be glad to know that "the agitator" is in some sort of slumber for the moment. yay! no tornados for seattle this year! perhaps i'm just learning how to harness mt powers correctly. or better and stuff, ya know.
any-hoooos, i have a few handy tips for travelling all the way across the country. people who travel just love to get travel tips from those of us on a budget. and i'm talking about an actualy budet - not that fake"on a budget" shitty magazine fakeness. fuck those people. they think it's budget to stay in a three star hotel for two hundred a night. WHAAAA...?!?!?! instead, i've got tips from the trashy end of life. not very trashy tips, but real life experience. like to hear 'em? here it goes!
1. if you book an overnight flight, expect to sit next to a baby. expect a whiny toddler to be sitting in the row behind the baby. expect to feel like crying yourself, because you're wondering what you did to deserve this, and if the airlines are thinking about instituting child-free flights at any point. oh please oh please oh please.
2. don't expect any brotherly love OR flight information when you get to philadelphia. you will ask at least five people what the hell is going on. they will, in turn, act like it's all your fault that they didn't post your flight or gate on any info board in the entire airport. be happy that you got to walk at least two full miles over the course of an hour (with all your baggage in tow) and get that cardio going.
3. you will wait about eleven hours to have a cigarette and people at the airport will wonder why you're testy. you will be dying for coffee but only get a thimblefull. you will realize that you forgot your comb and your hair looks nappy. you will stop giving money to people to cure cancer, because you've decided that it's waaaayyy more important for them to get on that whole teleporter thing.
4. you will think that the hardest part of the trip is over, only to realize the next day that you can freak out under even the happiest of circumstances. you will then beg like a crazy ass hobo twat for someone to get you a chili dog. you will cry about shopping for a new bra when you're supposed to be on vacation (but all your bras broke) and then suddenly a chili dog shop will appear and you'll feel like an asshole for wigging over something so stoooopid. you will scarf the chili dog anyway, though.
5. you will actually ask someone to put the cats on the phone. you will wonder if you've lost your mind for a moment, then remember that these are your version of children. you will tell anyone who makes fun of you to stick it.
6. don't expect not to have a nervous breakdown. it's inevitable. don't expect to have a less than stellar time. stellar is just as inevitable as breakdowns.
7. figure out what souvenir and goodie doodads you can mail back to yourself so that you don't have to worry about toting back more than you brought with you on the trip. going through airport security blows anyway, but it's easy to remember that it sucks for the people who work there as well.
8. drink plenty of water. bring headache pills. don't forget your comb.
that's all i have for you so far. i can only hope that the next flight is boring and sleepy. at least i bought a comb. if i can reach the computer after eating like a fat girl, you'll hear more about north carolina and oklahoma in the next few days. if not, i'm in a cheese coma and they've taken me to the emergency room to be cut out of my pants. and i hate shopping for new pants. let's hope i can keep it in check. locopops, here i come!
what i got out of the art-o-mat:
A FINGER PUPPET!!!
23 April 2007
20 April 2007
what liz wants to know... or, welcome to my interview
our virtual interview today comes to you courtesy of liz (of the infamous lizland - see lizgwiz), who recently accepted the challenge from stefanie (from stefanie says) to be emailed 5 questions to answer. my question is, who will be ready for a similar challenge after i get done? hmmmmmmmm???
1. I don't recall ever hearing the story--how did you and Derek first meet?
well, uh, it's kinda fuzzy, really. from the age of 13, i was a club kid. yes, i used to be the cool type who would dance all night and then finish off with biscuits and gravy before hitting the sack at about 9 am. a few years later, derek and i were both hitting the same social reject circles at the max, which was a gay afterhours club at the time. not so long after our initial "hi, i think we know the same people and maybe we drank together" casual meeting, he showed up at my house one day with my roommate. (of course she turned out to be psycho, but i can always thank her for getting me and derek talking.) i took one look at his huge glasses, chicken ankles, and goofy clothes and i knew: that's the one. we didn't start dating for some time after that, but i really did have a crush on him for months until he finally came around and gave in to my ultimate charm. fifteen years later and he's still got chicken ankles. yep. he's the one.
2. A multi--pronged question: What was your favorite show ever to act in? What was your favorite show to direct? And what show is first on your list of shows you MUST do some day? (Mine, of course, is Betty's Summer Vacation.) What was your favorite show in which you threw on a sheet and dashed on and off stage as a ghost?
i heart seventy scenes of halloween! being a ghostie who literally couldn't see a fucking thing while wandering about on the stage? and the raw meat? woohooo! i also enjoy receiving compliments about my "performance" in the vagina monologues... considering i was never in it. my favorite so far? any time where people say, "it was so good that i forgot it was YOU out there."
this will sound like a crap answer, but i've already gotten to direct some seriously way cool plays. i lead a very lucky directing life; nearly everything has been fan-frikkin-tabulous. i must admit that i have a weak spot for parallel lives and book of liz because of one thing - we laughed so hard at rehearsals even when we had trauma and bad days and mishaps. the oddities of those shows somehow made perfect sense all the time. what do i want to do now? grrr, i have to think on that. perhaps something with a great male role i won't get to play.
3. The old stand-by: what person, living or dead, would you choose as a dinner companion if you could? (It's not your last meal or anything, so don't factor in saying goodbye or finally telling some asshole how you really felt. Hee.)
if it's not the obvious derek (or other close peep) answer... sidney poitier or KV or eleanor roosevelt. this list could really go on and on. i'm not good at making choices today, am i? let's flip a three-sided coin on this and say sidney. for today.
4. If you could only read one book/watch one movie/listen to one CD/eat one type of food for the rest of your life, what would they be?
you're doing a whole bunch of making me pick one thing at a time. i'm feeling some major pressure here! you know how great i am at vacillating, and yet you squeeze my little brain like this. okay then, i'll try to just go for it without thinking too hard this time. short and sweet, like a tiny cookie.
book: i love everyone (and other atrocious lies). hardy har har!
movie: moulin rouge. weep, sing, weep, gush.
cd: the joshua tree. oooh, le sigh.
food: loaded chicken nachos... got a bit of everything!
5. You've been offered a really great job--but you're required to wear nothing but navy blue suits, neutral hose and navy blue pumps. Oh, and you can only wear one pair of small stud earrings (total) and muted lipstick. How quickly do you tell them to shove it up their ass?
i'm sorry. you didn't even get to the end of the question before i started spouting obscenities and moving on to another imaginary job offer. but i do own a tube of muted lipstick, believe it or not, for those days when i'm feeling... well, muted.
Bonus question: do you think you'll ever move back to Tulsa? Maybe when we're all old and gray, so we can form our own wacky version of 'Round the Bend and Over the Cutting Edge Players? ;)
wouldn't you like to know? hehehe. lately i have no idea where i'll be next. i think it's good to get out there and adventure, but i do miss home. and your dazzling wit, dah-link. let's call our old grey group the hip replacements or the spare parts, shall we?
whew! long-winded is one thing i do well, but i must kiss you all goodnight for now. anyone who is up for the challenge of a virtual interview, shoot me the breeze and i'll think up some humdingers for you. you know you want to...
up next:
sisyphus goes on a vacay! (must finish packing...)
1. I don't recall ever hearing the story--how did you and Derek first meet?
well, uh, it's kinda fuzzy, really. from the age of 13, i was a club kid. yes, i used to be the cool type who would dance all night and then finish off with biscuits and gravy before hitting the sack at about 9 am. a few years later, derek and i were both hitting the same social reject circles at the max, which was a gay afterhours club at the time. not so long after our initial "hi, i think we know the same people and maybe we drank together" casual meeting, he showed up at my house one day with my roommate. (of course she turned out to be psycho, but i can always thank her for getting me and derek talking.) i took one look at his huge glasses, chicken ankles, and goofy clothes and i knew: that's the one. we didn't start dating for some time after that, but i really did have a crush on him for months until he finally came around and gave in to my ultimate charm. fifteen years later and he's still got chicken ankles. yep. he's the one.
2. A multi--pronged question: What was your favorite show ever to act in? What was your favorite show to direct? And what show is first on your list of shows you MUST do some day? (Mine, of course, is Betty's Summer Vacation.) What was your favorite show in which you threw on a sheet and dashed on and off stage as a ghost?
i heart seventy scenes of halloween! being a ghostie who literally couldn't see a fucking thing while wandering about on the stage? and the raw meat? woohooo! i also enjoy receiving compliments about my "performance" in the vagina monologues... considering i was never in it. my favorite so far? any time where people say, "it was so good that i forgot it was YOU out there."
this will sound like a crap answer, but i've already gotten to direct some seriously way cool plays. i lead a very lucky directing life; nearly everything has been fan-frikkin-tabulous. i must admit that i have a weak spot for parallel lives and book of liz because of one thing - we laughed so hard at rehearsals even when we had trauma and bad days and mishaps. the oddities of those shows somehow made perfect sense all the time. what do i want to do now? grrr, i have to think on that. perhaps something with a great male role i won't get to play.
3. The old stand-by: what person, living or dead, would you choose as a dinner companion if you could? (It's not your last meal or anything, so don't factor in saying goodbye or finally telling some asshole how you really felt. Hee.)
if it's not the obvious derek (or other close peep) answer... sidney poitier or KV or eleanor roosevelt. this list could really go on and on. i'm not good at making choices today, am i? let's flip a three-sided coin on this and say sidney. for today.
4. If you could only read one book/watch one movie/listen to one CD/eat one type of food for the rest of your life, what would they be?
you're doing a whole bunch of making me pick one thing at a time. i'm feeling some major pressure here! you know how great i am at vacillating, and yet you squeeze my little brain like this. okay then, i'll try to just go for it without thinking too hard this time. short and sweet, like a tiny cookie.
book: i love everyone (and other atrocious lies). hardy har har!
movie: moulin rouge. weep, sing, weep, gush.
cd: the joshua tree. oooh, le sigh.
food: loaded chicken nachos... got a bit of everything!
5. You've been offered a really great job--but you're required to wear nothing but navy blue suits, neutral hose and navy blue pumps. Oh, and you can only wear one pair of small stud earrings (total) and muted lipstick. How quickly do you tell them to shove it up their ass?
i'm sorry. you didn't even get to the end of the question before i started spouting obscenities and moving on to another imaginary job offer. but i do own a tube of muted lipstick, believe it or not, for those days when i'm feeling... well, muted.
Bonus question: do you think you'll ever move back to Tulsa? Maybe when we're all old and gray, so we can form our own wacky version of 'Round the Bend and Over the Cutting Edge Players? ;)
wouldn't you like to know? hehehe. lately i have no idea where i'll be next. i think it's good to get out there and adventure, but i do miss home. and your dazzling wit, dah-link. let's call our old grey group the hip replacements or the spare parts, shall we?
whew! long-winded is one thing i do well, but i must kiss you all goodnight for now. anyone who is up for the challenge of a virtual interview, shoot me the breeze and i'll think up some humdingers for you. you know you want to...
up next:
sisyphus goes on a vacay! (must finish packing...)
19 April 2007
check tomorrow instead
the minutiae of my life is not that exciting.
this evening's installment is chock full o' nothing. it's too late in the evening to give my interview for liz. (check out the link to lizland to understand this one) i have no witty stories of the day to tell about seattle. this blog is not cool enough to give pop culture internet links. if you want interesting stuff about stuff, try back later on. for tonight i'm just gonna finish reading my email and run off to bed.
gotta pack for the trip, too. eee!
the best google queries that lead to my blog:
looking for freaky bitches
turned me into a midget
cowinkydinkydoo
this evening's installment is chock full o' nothing. it's too late in the evening to give my interview for liz. (check out the link to lizland to understand this one) i have no witty stories of the day to tell about seattle. this blog is not cool enough to give pop culture internet links. if you want interesting stuff about stuff, try back later on. for tonight i'm just gonna finish reading my email and run off to bed.
gotta pack for the trip, too. eee!
the best google queries that lead to my blog:
looking for freaky bitches
turned me into a midget
cowinkydinkydoo
17 April 2007
your shameful colon and jael
derek is torturing me. we're watching penn and teller. is it a sign that you're running out of ideas when you do a "bullshit" about colon cleansing?
do you REALLY want to know what's in your colon? do you really want to walk through an oversized model that lets you analyze the walls of a colon? okay, so maybe that part sounds kind of cool and all, but i sooooo soooo soooooo did not need to see that photo of penn's colonostomy on the screen. did i mention that the DVR is set to autorecord this show?
this is to say (to liz) that we all have shameful television habits. i admit it! though no longer a wednesday night slave to the bravo channel, i do watch complete trash. my latest endeavor involves hosting a potluck dinner while making fun of america's next top model. you're all invited. we hit the 5-second-back replay button in moments that merit particular jest. i.e. whenever they fall down, cry, say something even dumber than you thought they could, or anytime we're trying to understand jael. seriously, that girl has some speech impediments from hell. "yaaaaa, i rallee wannna bee muurricuzzz nixt top maulll." she had better be way high on drugs. or have plenty of paralyzed facial muscles.
but i am cool for watching ugly betty. i don't just watch it for salma hayek. never mind that she's not even on it anymore. never mind that salma is the sexiest fucking woman on earth. the show is cool. not, it's better than that. it is KEWL BEANS, DUDE. i want to take justin to the park and let him burst into song. think he's available to perform at my next birthday party? child stars should take work where they can get it, lest they turn out to be blathering junkie types, like jael.
let's just get one thing straight right here: king of the hill never gets old. bobby hill is my hero and he will make me laugh until the end of time. i don't know you! THAT'S MY PURSE! sorry. just had to get that one in before i actually said it out loud. now you're saying it out loud. i can hear you.
let's not even go into my past tv watching habits. although i will defend some of my poorer sitcom choices of youth to the death, i have no damn excuse for small wonder. maybe i was on drugs then. maybe i was under house arrest and had no cable. maybe i was jael at the time.
the best thing holly said on the phone:
i'm flying chiquita airlines to greensboro
(you mean chataqua, right??!? CHIQUITA? wha...?!??!)
i love you, holly.
do you REALLY want to know what's in your colon? do you really want to walk through an oversized model that lets you analyze the walls of a colon? okay, so maybe that part sounds kind of cool and all, but i sooooo soooo soooooo did not need to see that photo of penn's colonostomy on the screen. did i mention that the DVR is set to autorecord this show?
this is to say (to liz) that we all have shameful television habits. i admit it! though no longer a wednesday night slave to the bravo channel, i do watch complete trash. my latest endeavor involves hosting a potluck dinner while making fun of america's next top model. you're all invited. we hit the 5-second-back replay button in moments that merit particular jest. i.e. whenever they fall down, cry, say something even dumber than you thought they could, or anytime we're trying to understand jael. seriously, that girl has some speech impediments from hell. "yaaaaa, i rallee wannna bee muurricuzzz nixt top maulll." she had better be way high on drugs. or have plenty of paralyzed facial muscles.
but i am cool for watching ugly betty. i don't just watch it for salma hayek. never mind that she's not even on it anymore. never mind that salma is the sexiest fucking woman on earth. the show is cool. not, it's better than that. it is KEWL BEANS, DUDE. i want to take justin to the park and let him burst into song. think he's available to perform at my next birthday party? child stars should take work where they can get it, lest they turn out to be blathering junkie types, like jael.
let's just get one thing straight right here: king of the hill never gets old. bobby hill is my hero and he will make me laugh until the end of time. i don't know you! THAT'S MY PURSE! sorry. just had to get that one in before i actually said it out loud. now you're saying it out loud. i can hear you.
let's not even go into my past tv watching habits. although i will defend some of my poorer sitcom choices of youth to the death, i have no damn excuse for small wonder. maybe i was on drugs then. maybe i was under house arrest and had no cable. maybe i was jael at the time.
the best thing holly said on the phone:
i'm flying chiquita airlines to greensboro
(you mean chataqua, right??!? CHIQUITA? wha...?!??!)
i love you, holly.
16 April 2007
random side notes - chapter twelve
nothing in particular has been happening as of late, so i'm back to the faithful old RSN postings for now. well, when i say nothing in particular, that is to say that everything is all over the place for me... as usual. weird news, good news, i-don't-know news. we keep all sorts of crazy in stock around here.
we're shopping around for cell service. i hate my current phone with a passion. it likes to shut itself off for no reason, lose calls in the middle of places that i should be getting reception, and generally be an unruly phone. choosing a cellphone service is something akin to choosing which way you want your arms broken, but i'm looking around nonetheless. i'm quite sure there are nightmare stories out there for each company, so in the end it'll probably be a coin flip. it will mostly depend on extraneous fees and which phone will be the easiest for me to use. if i'm going to upgrade to something fancy, i want a whole keyboard for text and a camera. if i'm going to stay ghetto, i'll just find something with good reception that's tiny and cute.
veronica's personal television show has been dubbed "kind of hysterical" by my friend maegan. maegan, in turn, will have her own show called "my normal ridiculous" at my command. we haven't named mine just yet. if your life were a television show, what would it be called?
i took the day off work today so that i could lay about and snot everywhere. yes, i realize that my vacation is only a few short days away, but this morning i was in no mood. the day rolled on with phone calls from everyone. how did you people know i took the day off? is it really that hard to get me to answer the phone on a normal day? (YES, it is. even i know that.) in between my naps and snotting i got a bit of news and updates from one coast to the other. literally. thanks for checking in, peeps.
stuart has become a lovey kitty. the reasons behind this are not completely clear, but it may be his fear of the new windup toys i've been bringing into the house. we have a small army of toys that run/spin/roll through the living room making noise and chasing the animals. hence, stuart scampers around the corner to then stick his head out of the bedroom and watch the windups whir and shake. all three of the kitties are now bordering on codependence. dizzy lays on derek's desk all day while he works. she sleeps and squirms and stares at him lovingly while going for the household's daily cute award. bubba? well, you know he is already. no provocation is necessary to get some bubba lovin' at any given time. meow.
tanya is a new aunt! her baby sister melissa had a little boy last week. damn, i guess she has a good excuse to miss the north carolina slumber party. good news, though, and tanya: you give melissa a hug from me.
only a few more days until i see mary!
i'm hungry even though i can't taste much of anything. i'm sleepy even though i've been napping enough to be a kitty cat. maybe i will kick derek out of the bed tonight and replace him with a plate of nachos. i could be lazy enough to just roll over and chew. nachos could make me feel really tough. they're a bad ass food... especially if they have guacamole. the mighty avocado must come to my rescue!
what i'm reading this week:
between the bridge and the river by craig ferguson. yes, the craig ferguson who has his own late night show. and it isn't bad.
we're shopping around for cell service. i hate my current phone with a passion. it likes to shut itself off for no reason, lose calls in the middle of places that i should be getting reception, and generally be an unruly phone. choosing a cellphone service is something akin to choosing which way you want your arms broken, but i'm looking around nonetheless. i'm quite sure there are nightmare stories out there for each company, so in the end it'll probably be a coin flip. it will mostly depend on extraneous fees and which phone will be the easiest for me to use. if i'm going to upgrade to something fancy, i want a whole keyboard for text and a camera. if i'm going to stay ghetto, i'll just find something with good reception that's tiny and cute.
veronica's personal television show has been dubbed "kind of hysterical" by my friend maegan. maegan, in turn, will have her own show called "my normal ridiculous" at my command. we haven't named mine just yet. if your life were a television show, what would it be called?
i took the day off work today so that i could lay about and snot everywhere. yes, i realize that my vacation is only a few short days away, but this morning i was in no mood. the day rolled on with phone calls from everyone. how did you people know i took the day off? is it really that hard to get me to answer the phone on a normal day? (YES, it is. even i know that.) in between my naps and snotting i got a bit of news and updates from one coast to the other. literally. thanks for checking in, peeps.
stuart has become a lovey kitty. the reasons behind this are not completely clear, but it may be his fear of the new windup toys i've been bringing into the house. we have a small army of toys that run/spin/roll through the living room making noise and chasing the animals. hence, stuart scampers around the corner to then stick his head out of the bedroom and watch the windups whir and shake. all three of the kitties are now bordering on codependence. dizzy lays on derek's desk all day while he works. she sleeps and squirms and stares at him lovingly while going for the household's daily cute award. bubba? well, you know he is already. no provocation is necessary to get some bubba lovin' at any given time. meow.
tanya is a new aunt! her baby sister melissa had a little boy last week. damn, i guess she has a good excuse to miss the north carolina slumber party. good news, though, and tanya: you give melissa a hug from me.
only a few more days until i see mary!
i'm hungry even though i can't taste much of anything. i'm sleepy even though i've been napping enough to be a kitty cat. maybe i will kick derek out of the bed tonight and replace him with a plate of nachos. i could be lazy enough to just roll over and chew. nachos could make me feel really tough. they're a bad ass food... especially if they have guacamole. the mighty avocado must come to my rescue!
what i'm reading this week:
between the bridge and the river by craig ferguson. yes, the craig ferguson who has his own late night show. and it isn't bad.
12 April 2007
RIP, KV
i will miss you, mr. vonnegut.
you got me through a lot. you didn't even have to be perfect to be one of my heroes. thanks for being such a curmudgeon with a sense of humor.
you got me through a lot. you didn't even have to be perfect to be one of my heroes. thanks for being such a curmudgeon with a sense of humor.
09 April 2007
the old grey mare ain't what she used to be
it's not quite clear what's happened to me over the past several months, but it is very clear that i'm falling apart. in a normal year i rarey get sick or dilapidated. there are always those days here and there that i "don't feel good" and whine around the house, but actual pathetic behavior is reserved for those times when i really need sympathy to tide me over. whether it's all the moves or climate changes or whatever in the past year, my body has decided that it's not going to take my normal abuse anymore. it is officially time for me to slow down. or speed up and get fit. or be nicer to myself. something like that.
my work schedule leaves me tired most of the time during the week. there is that lucky day when i don't have to be there until ten, but it's mostly getting to work early. EARLY. like before 8 am. people keep telling me that i'll get used to it, that my body will get adjusted, but six months later i'm still hurting. i can't sleep at night very well because i'm paranoid about being late to work. mornings are shot because i can't wake up mentally for several hours since i didn't rest properly. i spend most of the afternoon in a daze because i'm exhausted. after i get home i fight to stay awake, or at least not nap too long and end up all night again. and so it goes, with me spending the whole time wondering why it hurts more and more now. aren't i supposed to be "used to it" by now? why do i feel worse after so many months of getting adapted to my schedule? whine whine whine.
not to be predictable, but i think i'm allergic to sunlight. i woke up this morning and my eyes were all red and scratchy. thye stayed that way until... well, they're still red and scratchy right now. once we got outside i started sneezing. and sneezing. about a dozen times in a row. literally. each time i went outside today it just got worse. is it the sun or the cats or spring or what? i've never had allergies before (an amazing feat when you come from okie dokie), so i can't really pinpoint the source of my pain here. i could be allergic to my job, or the schedule, or just everything around me. i'm a mess.
my back is rebelling in the form of spasms. something got pulled the wrong way over the weekend and i'm now sitting, sprawling, nay - lolling on the new sofa with a heating pad on my lumbar area. (yes, i use terms like lumbar area now.) derek rolled out a box of doan's pills yesterday while i was squrgling in pain on the floor. excuse me? doan's? don't ask me why it's in the house. those are his pills. he's an old lady. the best part of the doan's/heating pad/spasm thing is the side effects. doan's seems to upset my stomach, so that i need to eat something with it, but whatever i eat feels like it's churning in my belly after i take the pills. and since i feel all yucky, my teeth are clenched and my head hurts. in the end, i've resorted to the lay-around-the-living-room school of health. if anyone out there has some percocet or lortab that they're not using, i could take them off of your hands. maybe it's time to call one of my doctors back home and beg for drugs.
speaking of home, i'll be in for a visit right after i see mary. i got plane tickets! so now i run off to north carolina on the 21st, then i'll spend the next weekend at home. of course i'm excited as all hell to go on vacation with tim and mary and holly, but getting to go to taco bueno as a topper to the week will totally rock. okay okay, i'm coming home to see people. maybe even the dentist. maybe i'll get good drugs while i'm there. for now i should just go back to sleep so that i can start waking up in the middle of the night in a shock because i think i'm running late.
whine whine, complain complain.
things to do on vacation:
renew my car tags
smoke indoors while sitting down
look at real estate with mary
get my teeth cleaned
eat FUD - lots and lots of FUD
be leisurely
my work schedule leaves me tired most of the time during the week. there is that lucky day when i don't have to be there until ten, but it's mostly getting to work early. EARLY. like before 8 am. people keep telling me that i'll get used to it, that my body will get adjusted, but six months later i'm still hurting. i can't sleep at night very well because i'm paranoid about being late to work. mornings are shot because i can't wake up mentally for several hours since i didn't rest properly. i spend most of the afternoon in a daze because i'm exhausted. after i get home i fight to stay awake, or at least not nap too long and end up all night again. and so it goes, with me spending the whole time wondering why it hurts more and more now. aren't i supposed to be "used to it" by now? why do i feel worse after so many months of getting adapted to my schedule? whine whine whine.
not to be predictable, but i think i'm allergic to sunlight. i woke up this morning and my eyes were all red and scratchy. thye stayed that way until... well, they're still red and scratchy right now. once we got outside i started sneezing. and sneezing. about a dozen times in a row. literally. each time i went outside today it just got worse. is it the sun or the cats or spring or what? i've never had allergies before (an amazing feat when you come from okie dokie), so i can't really pinpoint the source of my pain here. i could be allergic to my job, or the schedule, or just everything around me. i'm a mess.
my back is rebelling in the form of spasms. something got pulled the wrong way over the weekend and i'm now sitting, sprawling, nay - lolling on the new sofa with a heating pad on my lumbar area. (yes, i use terms like lumbar area now.) derek rolled out a box of doan's pills yesterday while i was squrgling in pain on the floor. excuse me? doan's? don't ask me why it's in the house. those are his pills. he's an old lady. the best part of the doan's/heating pad/spasm thing is the side effects. doan's seems to upset my stomach, so that i need to eat something with it, but whatever i eat feels like it's churning in my belly after i take the pills. and since i feel all yucky, my teeth are clenched and my head hurts. in the end, i've resorted to the lay-around-the-living-room school of health. if anyone out there has some percocet or lortab that they're not using, i could take them off of your hands. maybe it's time to call one of my doctors back home and beg for drugs.
speaking of home, i'll be in for a visit right after i see mary. i got plane tickets! so now i run off to north carolina on the 21st, then i'll spend the next weekend at home. of course i'm excited as all hell to go on vacation with tim and mary and holly, but getting to go to taco bueno as a topper to the week will totally rock. okay okay, i'm coming home to see people. maybe even the dentist. maybe i'll get good drugs while i'm there. for now i should just go back to sleep so that i can start waking up in the middle of the night in a shock because i think i'm running late.
whine whine, complain complain.
things to do on vacation:
renew my car tags
smoke indoors while sitting down
look at real estate with mary
get my teeth cleaned
eat FUD - lots and lots of FUD
be leisurely
06 April 2007
crazy ass hobo twat
during my lunch hour, i like to get out and take a short walk. sometimes i go to the market and get bananas or run errands. other times i just stroll around looking at the world, maybe stopping in to say hello to some of the people i know that work near me. the biggest benefit of my walk, in my view, is to leave the building and get some fresh air. i don't even care if it's windy or raining; it's just nice to get out for a bit. i often call mary or rhiannon and chat randomly for a few moments or leave voicemail for my peeps that are at still work. these lunchtime walks are usually a pleasant addition to the rest of my day. they give me time to think and observe, time to breathe in new things. it's relaxing... most of the time.
yesterday i left the building after having some noodles. i thought i would wander over to the benches across the street and call mary to check in on her real estate madness. so i crossed the street and headed towards what looked like a nice hobo-free spot that wasn't completely surrounded by pigeons. there i was, toodling along, smoking and reaching for my phone. that's when i saw a skanky looking chick coming towards me. my first instinct rightly told me to just walk away and forget about the bench, which should have taken care of it, but she kept on coming after me. "excuse me, ma'am... MA'AAAAAAAM. hey! MA'AAMMMM! can i buy a cigarette from you?"
mary taught me well that i should try to be polite in rejecting these people. it does no good to be nasty to the hobos when you're turning them down. "no thank you!" i said in my best chirpy little mary voice. it was fucking perky, i tell you. according to her theory, it freaks people out when they're asking you for money/food/smokes/etc. and they get confused, thereby just leaving you alone. does this usually work? yes. i highly recommend this method. you can't be accused of ignoring people, but you still look sweet. would i recommend trying it on yesterday's stupid ass bitch twat? hell no. i did it, and this is when the beggar from hell turned on me.
"what? what the fuck kind of response is that?!?!? WHAT?!?! you fucking bitch! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK OFF!!!" somewhere during her screaming at me, i saw something that looked like chunks of bread, or maybe a handful of cashews, flying past my left shoulder at high speed. the idiot was throwing food at me! my polite rejection drove her to throwing things at me! i turned at looked at her, then made a slightly "whaaa...?" kind of body gesture, the kind where you cock your head and turn your palms up while squinting your eyes and shaking your head in confusion. i think i let out a tiny PFFT noise and walked away. (still proudly smoking and clearly holding on to my pack of smokes, thank you very much.) that was the extent of my retaliation. honestly. i didn't even say "whatever" or anything like that. it felt good to know that my initial reaction was NOT to kick her ass, but simply to get away from this crazy hobo.
but truly... really... i mean, COME ON! what the fuck was that shit? i don't give her my stuff and she gets to scream and throw stuff at me? i'm not sure when that became common practice on the street. it's not as if i'm going to magically change my mind and give you anything after you get psycho and pitch a fit. on a more practical note: if she's a drug addict transient, shouldn't she be hoarding her food? she could at least trade it for some booze or meth, or gee, maybe for that cigarette she was trying to get from me. it's no good wasting it on me. i'm a moving target who isn't afraid to make a scene.
i kept on walking, deciding that a cozy bench and chatty phone call was not in the cards for me on this particular day. as i rounded the corner, though, i began to get really irritated. no - more like steamed. i was totally irate. there were visions going through my head of beating this woman into the sidewalk. what right do people have to act like that and then try to ask for anything in return? i left a voicemail with veronica, called mary to bitch, and finally just went back inside to contemplate my next move. and when i say move, i mean it in a literal sense. if this is the way people act around here, then fuck this. i have better things to do than get food pelted at my head while i'm on my break. this is worse than the greenpeace clipboard people that hunt you down (repeatedly) to harass you on the street. "do you care about the environment?" "do YOU care that i'm only on a short break and you're totally fucking pissing me off right now?!?!" hobos, clipboard people, protestors, scientologists. it's a zoo filled with the straw that broke the camel's back.
maybe it's MY fault. maybe i should just get used to it. maybe it's my problem for living here, for working where i do. maybe those girls who wear short red dresses are ASKING FOR IT and they should just keep their mouths shut and take it when you bend them over the hood of a car without their consent. right? well piss on that. i'm not taking the rap for their behavior. i've got a bad case of road rage from just walking down the street. we'll call it sidewalk rage.
i didn't go out for a nice walk today. i just paced up and down the sidewalk (smoking, of course) out in front of work and glaring at anyone who even remotely made eye contact with me. if i can't get people around here to behave, at least i can get them to leave me alone. fuck off, greenpeace. you make me wanna buy a huge SUV and drive it over a dolphin. don't even get me started on the succession of other camel back straw types we encountered last night, even after leaving downtown. that's right, you pussy bitches. just keep on walking and don't even consider talking to me.
so much for making new friends, huh?
the best news of the day:
veronica's latest show opened tonight, and she is having a riot of a time! fun (PAID!) theatre things for vee! yay!
yesterday i left the building after having some noodles. i thought i would wander over to the benches across the street and call mary to check in on her real estate madness. so i crossed the street and headed towards what looked like a nice hobo-free spot that wasn't completely surrounded by pigeons. there i was, toodling along, smoking and reaching for my phone. that's when i saw a skanky looking chick coming towards me. my first instinct rightly told me to just walk away and forget about the bench, which should have taken care of it, but she kept on coming after me. "excuse me, ma'am... MA'AAAAAAAM. hey! MA'AAMMMM! can i buy a cigarette from you?"
mary taught me well that i should try to be polite in rejecting these people. it does no good to be nasty to the hobos when you're turning them down. "no thank you!" i said in my best chirpy little mary voice. it was fucking perky, i tell you. according to her theory, it freaks people out when they're asking you for money/food/smokes/etc. and they get confused, thereby just leaving you alone. does this usually work? yes. i highly recommend this method. you can't be accused of ignoring people, but you still look sweet. would i recommend trying it on yesterday's stupid ass bitch twat? hell no. i did it, and this is when the beggar from hell turned on me.
"what? what the fuck kind of response is that?!?!? WHAT?!?! you fucking bitch! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK OFF!!!" somewhere during her screaming at me, i saw something that looked like chunks of bread, or maybe a handful of cashews, flying past my left shoulder at high speed. the idiot was throwing food at me! my polite rejection drove her to throwing things at me! i turned at looked at her, then made a slightly "whaaa...?" kind of body gesture, the kind where you cock your head and turn your palms up while squinting your eyes and shaking your head in confusion. i think i let out a tiny PFFT noise and walked away. (still proudly smoking and clearly holding on to my pack of smokes, thank you very much.) that was the extent of my retaliation. honestly. i didn't even say "whatever" or anything like that. it felt good to know that my initial reaction was NOT to kick her ass, but simply to get away from this crazy hobo.
but truly... really... i mean, COME ON! what the fuck was that shit? i don't give her my stuff and she gets to scream and throw stuff at me? i'm not sure when that became common practice on the street. it's not as if i'm going to magically change my mind and give you anything after you get psycho and pitch a fit. on a more practical note: if she's a drug addict transient, shouldn't she be hoarding her food? she could at least trade it for some booze or meth, or gee, maybe for that cigarette she was trying to get from me. it's no good wasting it on me. i'm a moving target who isn't afraid to make a scene.
i kept on walking, deciding that a cozy bench and chatty phone call was not in the cards for me on this particular day. as i rounded the corner, though, i began to get really irritated. no - more like steamed. i was totally irate. there were visions going through my head of beating this woman into the sidewalk. what right do people have to act like that and then try to ask for anything in return? i left a voicemail with veronica, called mary to bitch, and finally just went back inside to contemplate my next move. and when i say move, i mean it in a literal sense. if this is the way people act around here, then fuck this. i have better things to do than get food pelted at my head while i'm on my break. this is worse than the greenpeace clipboard people that hunt you down (repeatedly) to harass you on the street. "do you care about the environment?" "do YOU care that i'm only on a short break and you're totally fucking pissing me off right now?!?!" hobos, clipboard people, protestors, scientologists. it's a zoo filled with the straw that broke the camel's back.
maybe it's MY fault. maybe i should just get used to it. maybe it's my problem for living here, for working where i do. maybe those girls who wear short red dresses are ASKING FOR IT and they should just keep their mouths shut and take it when you bend them over the hood of a car without their consent. right? well piss on that. i'm not taking the rap for their behavior. i've got a bad case of road rage from just walking down the street. we'll call it sidewalk rage.
i didn't go out for a nice walk today. i just paced up and down the sidewalk (smoking, of course) out in front of work and glaring at anyone who even remotely made eye contact with me. if i can't get people around here to behave, at least i can get them to leave me alone. fuck off, greenpeace. you make me wanna buy a huge SUV and drive it over a dolphin. don't even get me started on the succession of other camel back straw types we encountered last night, even after leaving downtown. that's right, you pussy bitches. just keep on walking and don't even consider talking to me.
so much for making new friends, huh?
the best news of the day:
veronica's latest show opened tonight, and she is having a riot of a time! fun (PAID!) theatre things for vee! yay!
03 April 2007
random side notes - chapter ELEVEN!
it's always funny to say "this one goes to eleven" when you get to eleven. if you don't get that, i'm not going to tell you. have someone else explain it.
we are theeeeeesss close to wrangling tanya into our north carolina slumber party. who could resist eating f-u-d with holly and mary, right? maybe if we're lucky we can convince her to bring along some of her splendid baked goods for the weekend. i will personally volunteer to sleep on the sofa while she's in town with us. what i won't do for a cookie.
hearing about zhen spending some time alone makes me reflect. how was i different while living without derek? right away i can remember using fewer dishes; just washing things up and using the same bowl over and over. shoes got left in a glorious smattering all about. let's not forget the joys of being a complete bed hog. i got to be very particular about my little piles of stuff. other than that, it wasn't so odd as i would have expected. we talked each day, and i was so busy with a show and packing and cleaning and bonding with people that the time whizzed past pretty quickly. hmmm, maybe he doesn't bug me that much after all.
speaking of wondering... i'm just wondering how things are with liz's show. i really should call jenny, too. i'm terrible on the phone. it's easier for me to write a scribble than to be on the phone for very long. after about ten minutes my ear feels funky and i can't concentrate on the conversation. blah blah blah, that's the best i can do.
is it just my house, or do people just find it fashionable to park in someone's fucking driveway like it's okay? what. the. fuck??! i have only lived in three homes in the past ten years, and they've all had one thing in common - people like to park sideways across the drive to block me in when i need to get to work. fucking fuckers. who has time to stop and get someone towed when they're on their way to work? next time i'll just whip out a baseball bat. it's much more immediate and leaves and impression they won't soon forget. if they get freaky, i'll just blame the violence on my woman parts.
what did i do with those stamps i bought on friday? damn. i'm disorganized. when did my desk start looking like that?!? where IS my desk??!? oh. it's under the cats.
not feeling like going to work is my new hobby. once i get there it's okay, until people start pissing me off. that doesn't take long. i was considering getting fired just for fun, but i don't know what i would do with myself afterwards. nesting at home isn't so much my thing, so i usually keep a job just to get out of the house and keep myself busy. if i can get paid for having a bad attitude and being snarky, all while doing piddly shit, then i guess i can take it until i come up with something better to do.
yes, i do have faboooooooo tickets to see the police. yes, i am gloating here. yes, i also have tickets to the VIP party before the show. yes, you hate me like a bitch right now. yes, i'm going to keep on nailing it in ever after i go to the show. wheeeee!!!
no, i will not have another eddie izzard experience. should i bring flash cards for myself just in case i start going all drooly with confusion from getting to attend this event? d'oh! just had another reliving of the infamous eddie izzard meeting in my head. "i just wanted to say... something stupid, apparently." yeesh, now it's on a loop. AARRGGGHH!!!
and since we're on famous people right now... sidney poitier does the grocery shopping in his house. that's what he told oprah, and oprah told mary, and mary called me and told me. is that the coolest or what? just try to imagine our dear old sidney picking out a honeydew. go ahead. do the voice and everything. thump the melon. squeeze the melon. yep yep i heart my sidney.
dizzy woke me up this morning by stepping on my trachea. this was a feat, because i sleep on my belly with my head turned to the side. she somehow managed to make biscuits in just the right spot to cut off the air and wake me up in suffocation. she was so totally diqualified from winning the cute award today.
what you must look up on youtube:
alanis my humps (eee!)
we are theeeeeesss close to wrangling tanya into our north carolina slumber party. who could resist eating f-u-d with holly and mary, right? maybe if we're lucky we can convince her to bring along some of her splendid baked goods for the weekend. i will personally volunteer to sleep on the sofa while she's in town with us. what i won't do for a cookie.
hearing about zhen spending some time alone makes me reflect. how was i different while living without derek? right away i can remember using fewer dishes; just washing things up and using the same bowl over and over. shoes got left in a glorious smattering all about. let's not forget the joys of being a complete bed hog. i got to be very particular about my little piles of stuff. other than that, it wasn't so odd as i would have expected. we talked each day, and i was so busy with a show and packing and cleaning and bonding with people that the time whizzed past pretty quickly. hmmm, maybe he doesn't bug me that much after all.
speaking of wondering... i'm just wondering how things are with liz's show. i really should call jenny, too. i'm terrible on the phone. it's easier for me to write a scribble than to be on the phone for very long. after about ten minutes my ear feels funky and i can't concentrate on the conversation. blah blah blah, that's the best i can do.
is it just my house, or do people just find it fashionable to park in someone's fucking driveway like it's okay? what. the. fuck??! i have only lived in three homes in the past ten years, and they've all had one thing in common - people like to park sideways across the drive to block me in when i need to get to work. fucking fuckers. who has time to stop and get someone towed when they're on their way to work? next time i'll just whip out a baseball bat. it's much more immediate and leaves and impression they won't soon forget. if they get freaky, i'll just blame the violence on my woman parts.
what did i do with those stamps i bought on friday? damn. i'm disorganized. when did my desk start looking like that?!? where IS my desk??!? oh. it's under the cats.
not feeling like going to work is my new hobby. once i get there it's okay, until people start pissing me off. that doesn't take long. i was considering getting fired just for fun, but i don't know what i would do with myself afterwards. nesting at home isn't so much my thing, so i usually keep a job just to get out of the house and keep myself busy. if i can get paid for having a bad attitude and being snarky, all while doing piddly shit, then i guess i can take it until i come up with something better to do.
yes, i do have faboooooooo tickets to see the police. yes, i am gloating here. yes, i also have tickets to the VIP party before the show. yes, you hate me like a bitch right now. yes, i'm going to keep on nailing it in ever after i go to the show. wheeeee!!!
no, i will not have another eddie izzard experience. should i bring flash cards for myself just in case i start going all drooly with confusion from getting to attend this event? d'oh! just had another reliving of the infamous eddie izzard meeting in my head. "i just wanted to say... something stupid, apparently." yeesh, now it's on a loop. AARRGGGHH!!!
and since we're on famous people right now... sidney poitier does the grocery shopping in his house. that's what he told oprah, and oprah told mary, and mary called me and told me. is that the coolest or what? just try to imagine our dear old sidney picking out a honeydew. go ahead. do the voice and everything. thump the melon. squeeze the melon. yep yep i heart my sidney.
dizzy woke me up this morning by stepping on my trachea. this was a feat, because i sleep on my belly with my head turned to the side. she somehow managed to make biscuits in just the right spot to cut off the air and wake me up in suffocation. she was so totally diqualified from winning the cute award today.
what you must look up on youtube:
alanis my humps (eee!)
01 April 2007
ketchup
how it's cool not to be cool:
just about any movie can make me cry. liv tyler. in an unnamed action film with bruce willis and billy bob. i am appropriately ashamed of myself, which is less than you think. i cry at everything because i'm a total ninny. so there.
where i've been this past month:
depressed, working, cleaning, depressed, walking, sleeping late, pining over everything, not cleaning, chain-smoking, crying, watching bad tv, san jose, hanging out with andy, eating like a fat girl, less depressed, portland, moping, drinking coffee, listening to sad music, eating, feeling sorry for myself, shopping for a new phone, smoking again.
why i'm happier this week:
i have things to look forward to now. veronica is coming to visit us in seattle sometime in june with travis. it'll give them a chance to get away from the texas heat for a few days and dork out with us doing goofy shit. eee! rhiannon is almost done with her last class. kris is almost done with her last class. soon they'll both have fancy new degrees and you can deliver many happy congratulations unto them.
when i'm going on vacation:
my time off at work got approved and i'm going to meet holly in north carolina later this month! we're going to have a triple girly slumber party at mary's house and run around all weekend in pajamas! it'll be a bonanza of looking for real estate for the east coast posse duo! mary can cook like nobody's bid-ness! we'll be bringing presents for each other! shiny shiny freaky freaky girly madeness!!! oh, but how i do do do feel sorry for tim about this upcoming invasion.
what else is going on:
that just about brings us up to date for now. really it's been pretty much the normal grind, unless you count the odd bits of ultra-super-existential angst. (thank you for listening to me whine; you know if you're one of the people who had to put up with it on the phone.) the only eventful thing at work lately was meeting a buddhist monk who was just about the most adorably cute thing i've ever seen. he was better than a midget! i suppose he stopped in as a serendipitous reminder to me that i should just chill out and stop being such a bummer all the time. besides, i wouldn't want to become too predictable. that would spoil all the fun for you. and me. and you. and you. and you!
i heart exclamation points today!
lastly...
who is the bestest boyfriend in the world:
derek is - and he's mine all mine. that's right. i said it. somehow i'm the winner and nabbed the perfect man for me. yes, i'm gushing here. he rates tops on the EEE scale of happiness. wanna know why? huh? do ya? huh? he got me a sweet ass soo-prize. i got it in the mail this week. it's the super coolest freaking thing ever. should i tell you now? are you ready? really? sitting down?
TWO VIP TICKETS TO SEE THE POLICE!!! EEEEE!!!
just about any movie can make me cry. liv tyler. in an unnamed action film with bruce willis and billy bob. i am appropriately ashamed of myself, which is less than you think. i cry at everything because i'm a total ninny. so there.
where i've been this past month:
depressed, working, cleaning, depressed, walking, sleeping late, pining over everything, not cleaning, chain-smoking, crying, watching bad tv, san jose, hanging out with andy, eating like a fat girl, less depressed, portland, moping, drinking coffee, listening to sad music, eating, feeling sorry for myself, shopping for a new phone, smoking again.
why i'm happier this week:
i have things to look forward to now. veronica is coming to visit us in seattle sometime in june with travis. it'll give them a chance to get away from the texas heat for a few days and dork out with us doing goofy shit. eee! rhiannon is almost done with her last class. kris is almost done with her last class. soon they'll both have fancy new degrees and you can deliver many happy congratulations unto them.
when i'm going on vacation:
my time off at work got approved and i'm going to meet holly in north carolina later this month! we're going to have a triple girly slumber party at mary's house and run around all weekend in pajamas! it'll be a bonanza of looking for real estate for the east coast posse duo! mary can cook like nobody's bid-ness! we'll be bringing presents for each other! shiny shiny freaky freaky girly madeness!!! oh, but how i do do do feel sorry for tim about this upcoming invasion.
what else is going on:
that just about brings us up to date for now. really it's been pretty much the normal grind, unless you count the odd bits of ultra-super-existential angst. (thank you for listening to me whine; you know if you're one of the people who had to put up with it on the phone.) the only eventful thing at work lately was meeting a buddhist monk who was just about the most adorably cute thing i've ever seen. he was better than a midget! i suppose he stopped in as a serendipitous reminder to me that i should just chill out and stop being such a bummer all the time. besides, i wouldn't want to become too predictable. that would spoil all the fun for you. and me. and you. and you. and you!
i heart exclamation points today!
lastly...
who is the bestest boyfriend in the world:
derek is - and he's mine all mine. that's right. i said it. somehow i'm the winner and nabbed the perfect man for me. yes, i'm gushing here. he rates tops on the EEE scale of happiness. wanna know why? huh? do ya? huh? he got me a sweet ass soo-prize. i got it in the mail this week. it's the super coolest freaking thing ever. should i tell you now? are you ready? really? sitting down?
TWO VIP TICKETS TO SEE THE POLICE!!! EEEEE!!!
yes, i am still alive
the dark clouds are dissipating a bit, and i'm okay. (see, mary, it's gonna be okey dokey and you can stop worrying now.) it was a bad spot and i'm back now. news at 11, as they used to say in the old days. oh yes. i do have news. good news. really. i'm just too scattered this evening to focus very much. i'll get back to you later with the update.
what i haven't been doing lately:
writing (DUH)
what i haven't been doing lately:
writing (DUH)
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