31 May 2010

education versus academics

so, in an effort to assure myself that i'm not really grad school material, i've been investigating grad schools this week. you know what i've figured out so far? there are a lot of forms and rules and all that whatnot in most of the programs. it doesn't sound like much fun. in fact, there aren't even many programs that even caught my attention for more than a click through moment on the internet.

click. click. click. close window. new google search. "the cheap and shitty graduate degree program that doesn't care if you hate grades but love education and will take you even if you suck at following the rules" hmmm, no relevant results, but a terrific link i'm going to bookmark with some snarky one liners that make me giggle. maybe i should just enter quickie degree mill and hope for the best? click. click. how about a banner ad school? perhaps a game of darts with the back pages of psychology today would yield better research results than actually trying. it'll prolly take me at least a year to even decide if i want to go on with my schooling anyway. i'm obviously in no rush to pick out another degree program.

there is a professor who entertained me immensely during my degree process. when he told me that i would be a good candidate for graduate school, my reply was simple and to the point. "HAVE YOU MET ME?!?" he laughed and explained that my penchant for being a pain in the butt about the rules was what made me such a good student. i didn't care about being on the honor roll or impressing anyone with my marks, but i was there to learn something and teach it to others. here i was, publicly declaring that as long as i passed i didn't care what else happened, all the while tutoring other people and asking provocative questions in class just to get a decent discussion going.

quite surprisingly, my advisor gave me the same to do in the last weeks of the semester. this made me suspicious, as if they had conspired to recruit more people into academia. he told me that i would be great in education and should consider getting a higher certification so that i could go into teaching on a university level. what? who ever heard of a teacher that hates school? these people must be seeing something in me that i can't begin to fathom. the whole "dance, monkey, dance" thing about academics makes me nutty. if can teach after just getting my BS in BS (really, that's what it is - no kidding) by the skin of my teeth, that should be good enough for me. if there's a loophole out there that will let me put this to use in an educational way and make enough money to buy the cat food, damn straight i can find it and use it to my advantage. that's what college really taught me. loopholes and negotiations are my two best friends on the bureaucratic front. oh, and my sweet smile.

but of course, my curiosity always gets the better of me. click. click. click. no, i don't want to get a degree that came from a link in my spam box. that's going too far for even a cheeky dolt like myself. you know, i could hide out in school for a really long time and not have to worry about getting a real life until well into my forties if i played my cards right. hello, i'm a college student in middle age and still worried about purchasing highlighters and exam booklets. let's all practice that statement together, shall we? doesn't exactly have a great ring to it, but i bet i could polish it up if i went into the right program.

new google search. "grad schools for hiding out from the real world while still being able to pay the mortgage and have a life" at least my searches are yielding some laughs. is there some kind of information school that will give me credit for making funky internet searches? i could totally hang with that. it could even be supplemented with a class researching 800 numbers dialed randomly using seven letter words. not that nick and i do that when we get bored or anything. hell no, we would never be that stooopid just to make ourselves laugh until we pee. we never used mix-a-lot as the seven letter word, either. nope. not us. me and my brother aren't that ginormously silly and you can't prove it.

gotta run:
it's target day with sam and linsey!

30 May 2010

ep is emerging

another tech week has passed, and the shows from the kids look to be coming along better than even i had expected. working with first-time directors is about the cutest thing ever, especially since they're all teenagers. julie and i were commenting on how it's like listening to miniature versions of ourselves whenever they stop to inform us of all the mishaps and revelations and little things they're learning. that was the whole point of this project in the first place, to train younger artists on new stuff. i'm like twenty years older than the majority of the people involved in this whole hoo-ha and it's faboo! if you ever wondered why i'm such a childlike figure, it's because i spend my time hanging out with teens and being a big dork.

not too much backstage drama for the week. just an ambulance for a dehydrated panic attack, some freaked out phone calls back and forth, plenty of yelling, and a bit of new choreography. of course you know how i feel about every show needing a number, right? thank goodness someone built one into one of the scripts!

all in all, it was pretty normal except for the ambulance. all i know is that i would rather have that happen during tech than on a production night. the director of that show handled it very well, keeping levelheaded enough to both check on her actor and run back into the theatre to go on taking notes on everyone else while keeping them calm enough to finish the run that night. she even enlisted an understudy on the spot, without anyone telling her to do so, who had his lines and blocking down by the following rehearsal. who says a fourteen year old girl can't handle an emergency? she and the other directors have each had teensy problems like this and come through it with scars of honor so far. they've all done some theatre stuff before and know that shit happens so you just deal with it and fix the problem. luckily, it looks as if our poor sickly actor is fine. he asked for his script before he went to the ambulance and he was back at it the next night. talk about the show going on, huh?

the holiday weekend split up our normal tech schedule, so they have a few days away from the theatre and come back for two final dress rehearsals on tuesday. let's hope that everyone does at least a little something productive over the weekend so it isn't a massacre when we come back. to be honest, i'm kinda nervous about it being such a big break right before opening. i prolly shouldn't even worry. if i know them, then a few people will be cracking the whip so they don't get shown up as big assholes in front of the others. competition and peer pressure can be wonderful tools if used correctly.

so here is the tally:
  • one cancer scare, followed by shock brought on by massive allergies, but thankfully no cancer
  • one ambulance that didn't have to go to the hospital after all
  • one (known) texting war
  • one color-coded stage manager's book
  • one near revolt by cast members
  • one near revolt by project director
  • one near revolt by a writer
  • one "actors are jerks!"
  • missed rehearsals for unknown reasons and forgetting to check email
  • lateness due to stupidity and lack of scheduling and who knows what else
  • several roles recast overall for various reasons, including health issues and quitting by text
  • innumerable twitchy faces after rehearsal, especially by the stage managers
  • much nagging by me and the staff
see, i told you it was all pretty average stuff. this project is a blast, even if i felt like a was going crazy here and there. and just think - we haven't even opened the show yet! who knows what others wonders await us in the upcoming week? this is gonna be so much fun, i tell you. if superstition serves to be correct, the bad humps should be out of the way and things will run smoothly. all i have to do now is sit back and wait for one of the director's nerves to induce vomiting or crying. if it's crying then they have to give everyone a dollar. oh yes, the now infamous bet continues without a loser to date. i sure hope i'm not the one to crack. that's like twenty bucks i'd lose in this deal, and i'll be needing every penny to keep me flush with my medication.

impulse purchase alert!
daria: the complete animated series
holly's birthday present
stuff to make a spice cake of love

26 May 2010

words i like today - chapter four

in yet another fabulous installment of lexiconical loot (are these real words, or am i just making them up?) from me to you, i present a list of words that make me happy right now.

  • satification - coined by derek, at least in my awareness of it, this word is fully expresses the meaning of both satisfied and gratification at the same time. a prime example? eating meat gives me satification. yum.
  • candelabra - a word that not only give your mouth a good feeling when you say it, but also manages to evoke graphic pictures in your head when you think about it. it's ethnic, it's victorian, it's dark, it's fun. and it even has a bra, though no one will tell me what size.
  • stuff - i just like its all-encompassing nature, okay? live with it.
  • unencumbered - it could be a salad without a particular vegetable or it could be a freewheeling state of mind. though the definition has been stated as the latter, i'm never really sure. in any case, it makes me want to fling my arms out in glee.
  • jocular - like jokey, ya know? i'm not quite sure why this one came to me. perhaps because it sounds like it could be many different things, and yet i like it anyway.
  • coagulate - ewwwww, i love it.
  • buttcrack - am i juvenile? yes i am! but you have to admit, it's a hearty word that makes you giggle like an idiot for good reason. that viscreal "uuhhtttt" in the middle goes a long way for me on entertainment value.
  • snackies - it just makes food more fun.
although i could include some perennial favorites, that would be cheating. i always like any variation having to do with the word fluffy. it's fluffy! it's fuzzy! eee! fork, spork, pork, and all other words that rhyme with those give my mouth a feeling of satification when i say them. it could be the hard sounds in them, not to mention that i like to make weird noises by randomly imitating the swedish chef from the muppet show. let's not even talk about my affinity for making weird noises, right?

the radio station in my head:
georgy girl
sort of
bad romance
holly loves like a hedgehog (don't ask)
dream a little dream of me
hey baby
when my ship comes in

25 May 2010

yes, it did really happen... the bad day that was the best day ever

many of you have already heard this story, but it's a good reminder of how to keep things in perspective. you can thank veronica for reminding me of it. i'll warn you now that it's a long one, but i promise the payoff at the end is great.

while living in los crapeles, i had a few different jobs. one of them involved the education wing of the simon wiesenthal center. working for an important humanitarian non-profit in beverly hills seemed like a good fit for me, so i jumped at the chance to work for the museum of tolerance. the people were terrific, the job was great, but it did have one little hitch i wasn't really expecting. to put things in a light you'll understand, let me tell you this. to get to my former job here, about 12 miles away, it took me about 20 minutes worth of driving. the drive to my school here was around 45 minutes, but it's around 3o miles from my house. in order to get to my fabulous job for swc/mot i had to go maybe 8 miles... which took well over an hour on an average day. i knew about la traffic before, but i wasn't really prepared for the traumas of it during rush hour on a daily basis. even getting off early on fridays didn't help the mess of it all. so, everyone was giving me hints on which route to take and where all the side streets converge and so on in an effort to help me deal with the gridlock situation. i left each morning trying every way i could think of to get there without having a nuclear style meltdown or completely fucking up the clutch in my car.

on one particular day, i was exploring yet another alternative route (there were about five different optimal ways to get there, which were dictated by time of day and so forth, down to the very minute i would leave the house) to get to the museum in time to have my car searched. let explain this. when entering the garage of the building, a guard would have you get out while they searched your car from bumper to bumper. when entering the building, you had to go through a metal detector. even the employees had to be scanned and searched every single day, as we were working in what could be considered a target for hate crimes and terrorists. no kidding! it was a badge of honor i wore quite well and have kept my parking tag for the place ever since as a sentimental artifact. yep, it's in my car right now.

in any case, on the day of the fatal breakdown i was driving along and took the worst route i ever could have picked. construction, gridlock, wrecks, i had it all. about an hour into the trudge, i called work and left a message that i was running late. in an effort to counteract the clusterfuck, i changed to another street. things only got worse. some of the lanes were closed and all the cars in front of me wanted to turn or weave or some other jacked up thing. when i called derek in a panic about how i was going to get fired via cellphone while sitting in my car, he told me to calm down and call my boss again. i reached her office and told her where i was and what was happening, at which point she gave me a hint as to yet another side street i could take to get to work. that would've been great advice if the street had been accessible to me from where i was at the time, but part of the freeway was cutting me off from where i needed to be. of course i didn't know this at the time, so when i tried to get there i was even more fucked than before.

my car was starting to have flashing lights on the dash from creeping along in first or second gear for such an extended period of time. in trying to navigate the alleged shortcuts to work, i had been stuck out on the road for over two hours. by this time i was in tears and losing my marbles after a short jaunt of about 6 miles. miraculously, i found my way to an amazingly clear arterial street, probably now clear because rush hour was over and everyone else had managed to make it to their destinations except for me. after a few more stoplights i made it into the garage and up to the entrance. before heading to my post, i ran to the security office in the museum for my work jacket and passed by the break room. it was filled with docents and speakers waiting for their next tours. another important point you should know? the people hovering near the coffeemaker were all former neo-nazis and holocaust survivors. if you can imagine, that's most of the people i worked with at this job. they took one look at my bright red face and asked if i was okay. one gentle old lady pulled me aside and told me to go see my new boss before i went to work.

my boss was in shock at the state of me. as she was shuffling me from the office entrance in the next building into the conference room, i broke down almost immediately. what a sight i must have been! my feet were dragging me the conference table while i sobbed hysterically and every single person in the vicinity poked their heads out of doorways and up above cubicles to see what the hell was going on to create this stir. i sat down in a huge chair in the middle of the glass conference room as people walked by to see the spectacle. in those moments i cried so hard i must have turned purple and my head started to teeter in woozy swirls because my whole spine felt like it was giving way. it was the kind of cry you have as a small child, the kind where you can barely even speak between heaving breaths. my boss told me to ignore them and tell her what had happened. as i recounted my day of traffic horror, she held my hand in sympathy and let me know that she'd gone through a similar situation more than once. she assured me that i was not fired on account of all the cars in the world showing up on my morning drive, but that i needed to go get some air and decide what i was going to do.

my sad little body limped down the hall to reach the elevator so i could go outside, and though the stares had gone away, i became very aware that i had acted like a crazy person in the middle of the simon wiesenthal offices. panic left me as embarrassment took over. when i asked my boss how to explain to the others who were asking what had gone on, she simply told me to say that i was having a bad day. what? how can i tell these kindly older docents, who have lived through the freaking holocaust, that i'm having a bad day?!? no doubt it would take the biggest balls in history to compare my meager snarl to their lives.

and in swoops veronica to our story. before i went back to work i stopped across the street to get a soda and smoke a couple of cigarettes in an effort to calm down and let my face change back to its original color. whipping out my phone, i let derek know that i've finally arrived safely at my destination and haven't yet been burned at the stake for not being able to adapt to the traffic. as i hang up, i decide to call vee for a pep talk so that i can have the nerve to walk back into work as if nothing had happened. i tell her everything that's gone on that morning, down to the detail about being instructed to say that i was having a bad day.

"well, of course that's what you should tell them. if anyone asks, just brush it off and say you're having a bad day. it sounds like your boss gave you the right advice."
"but how can i do that? these people have lived through one of the worst events in history. for fuck's sake, who cares if i just moved here from oklahoma and i'm having a bad day?"
"just tell them you're not adjusted to the traffic here yet."
"veronica, they survived the fucking holocaust!"
"oh, holocaust schmolocaust. trust me, they'll understand. now suck it up and get your ass to work, or they will fire you, okay? hang up the phone and get in there."

still in shock, i did what i was told. after one more big breath and exhale, i strolled into the museum, once again going through the metal detectors and making my way towards the staff area. i found my jacket already laid out for me next to the time clock. a few of the people having coffee eyed me to see what i was going to do next, as the tale of my amazing breakdown had obviously been circulated with gusto amongst the staff that day. quite calmly, i clocked in and put on the jacket while trying not to look directly at anyone in the room.

a few of the staff members asked if i was okay. they gave me little pats on the shoulder and told me i looked much better. i just kept responding that i was having a bad day and thanked them for asking me about it. the lady who had earlier ushered me out to speak to me boss approached me slowly and put me in a heartfelt embrace.

"honey, are you feeling better now? we were worried about you in here."
"yes, thank you for asking. i'm having a really bad day. i'm very sorry to say that to someone like you, but i just don't know how else to put it."
"do you mind if i ask what happened?"
"well, i just moved here from oklahoma, and i knew that the traffic here was bad, but i wasn't prepared for it to take me so long to get here. i spent almost three hours in the car and i even tried all the ways people told me about, but i guess i just freaked out with road rage."
"oh honey! i understand what you mean. what an awful day for you. i'm so sorry!"

she gave me another huge hug and stroked my head. at this point i was thrown off in a way i can't even begin to describe. unable to understand her immense sympathy for my pitiful little whining about what must have seemed like a rather boring plight to most of the people in that city, i grabbed her hands and stared at her for a few seconds as she released me.

"wait a minute. how can you say that? i'm just having a hard time getting used to traffic here, and i'm acting like a big baby. you lived through the holocaust!"
"oh honey, the holocaust is over. traffic is every day."

yes, those exact words were spoken to me by a kind old lady and the whole world instantly changed. the utter absurdity of the statement made me laugh from the gut until i wheezed, at last feeling the release i needed. while i never had the nerve to tell her about veronica's offhand pep talk remark, i get the feeling she would have giggled in agreement. the fact that she looked so horrified at the thought of being stuck in traffic for three hours made me realize just how much we had in common. what she said made me realize the true meaning of things like dark humor and absolute relief. and though i did end up finding a job with a less horrendous commute shortly thereafter, it's those few moments that eventually continue to ring in my head whenever i'm having a bad day.

holocaust schmolocaust. traffic is every day.

thank you note:
we miss dizzy, but we will get through this okay. we appreciate the many condolences everyone has been giving to us and the other cats. don't worry too much. it gets a little better every day.

21 May 2010

today i will not think too hard

this week is very up and down in my moods. yes, i'm even considering taking an extra spot of meds to keep me going, but i know i won't actually do it. today is a very bad day - for me, for derek, for dizzy. in order to feel like myself, i must act as if it is a very average day instead.

to be an average day, that would mean i would drink coffee in the morning and write about most anything that came to mind. that would mean i would do something oddly stupid in the kitchen, like dry my socks in the microwave. an average day would find me tugging at my hair because it's now past my shoulders once again and the summer makes that kind of unbearable, like i might go shave my head on a whim. i would talk to scott about an email, i would put on sunscreen while listening to podcasts, and i would surreptitiously clean something while i was waiting for my socks to dry. so, i suppose this is an average day in what i have done so far.

today we are also going to attend a celebration for ryan's graduation. she's excited about getting into the art school of her choice and i want to encourage her in her first big adventure as an adult. this evening i have to see a rehearsal from one of the teens and get ready for the show i'm in right now. there are long breaks between my scenes, so i'll read a book or send text messages to people during the show. this will be an average day.

what i'm looking at:
photo of nick and megan on my computer
presents to ship to mary
the homework i still need to do

14 May 2010

random side notes - chapter twenty six

stuart copeland is getting to where he can only go so long without having me next to his side. his new codependence is really cute until i'm trying to use my keyboard and he wiggles around on the desk in a floppity way. oh, and i pretty much can't read anything without his approval. if only i had thought to use this as my best excuse when i was still working on my capstone. the wonder kitty is currently attempting to click my mouse with his fuzz-butt and has head head buried face first in my recent shopping confirmation from target. (ten dollar sheet set for the new bed - woohoo!) and they say that cats aren't as smart as we are. pffft. that's a keen way to spend the morning, if you ask me.

to celebrate the running of the 5k last week, i got kris a new cookbook to use with the girls. who could resist something called "cute yummy time" for a busy mom? i'm hoping that kris and audrey will make me some cute food next time they run through town. the chai muffins that looked like lambs and the singing crab bagel were some of my favorites.

it's time to make the donuts. looking forward, i may have a few job prospects that would make this whole college thing seem worth my money. while i was talking to julie about it, i mentioned that the high i was supposed to get after graduation has a possibility of kicking in if i can get a job related to my studies. the way things are anymore, using a degree for something more than a promotion at a call center is something fortunate. if i can manage to make something more out of mine it would be a lift. no details yet, and i'm totally superstitious about everything in the realm of working, so i'll fill you in when and if anything spick-tacular begins to happen for me.

i've gotten three pieces of mail from tara in the last week alone! like real mail, in the post and everything! i can't wait to check the mail each day. this is why i'm so hooked on postcards. when you've had a long day and you just wanna come home to blob out, it's a pleasant surprise to be welcomed back by a greeting from a friend. i simply must return the favor for her.

this is dummmm, but i love it: finally found somewhere to recycle my number five plastics. it always made me feel ironic to buy organic yogurt and then end up pitching the containers. it must be part of my green seizures thing. who the hell is this person and what have they done with the real george? thank goodness i'm still a smoker. there's only so far i can go into the good living whatnot before i start wearing hippie patchouli and find jesus behind the couch. save me from myself! personally, i blame megan and sparrowe - not to mention micheal pollan - but at least my moodiness is getting offset by the eating of real food... and medications. now i can defer the green seizure guilt a bit more by eating my yogurt in peace. if you've been looking for this like i have, go to whole foods and look for the bucket at the front of the store.

as i write more often, i'm beginning to fall in love with my own handwriting. it's got just enough flow to make me feel like an artist again. it's legible without being stuffy. it's like this quirky cool scribble. maybe i should get it analyzed someday to see if i'm some sort of a crazy person. there could be something to that whole seeing your personality through your penmanship stuff. when i look at a page with my own script, i totally see myself in it. and i've gone back to the use of a pencil for my scribbles. it's such a satisfying noise, like the tapping of the keyboard when i'm on the computer. the scratch of the pencil gives me a connected sense that i'm putting something out there even when it's just a to-do list. but that's enough dorkalicious mystical self-contemplation for one day. just try it and see. tell me what you think.

he's still head first in the papers. hehehehehe.

wow, it's really time to clean up my desk. i'm looking around and see that the paper demon is rearing its head. that's not even counting all the random shit i've pitched over here. what the heck is all this stuff anyway? graduation postcard, bits of mail, my special sticker box, the polaroid camera, books strewn about, stuart copeland, loads of sharpies, chinese fortunes, a plastic egg, headphones, the french review program i bought, bracelets, rolls of tape, extra lip balm. it's a jungle in here, i tell you! this sounds like an impending job for the middle of a sleepless night.

my reading list right now:
29 gifts
why i am a buddhist
entertainment weekly
grimmer tales
spooky little girl

12 May 2010

clammier than a clammy

whether it was something i ate or the weather outside, i feel nauseated. you would think that temperatures in the 60's and 70's would make me happy, but with the humidity in the bazillion percent, it feels more like i'm getting cheated, damnit. add to that the hurricane-grade wind we've been getting this week and i look a hot mess. how i am expected to drink my daily regiman of coffee in conditions like these is beyond me. me feel swollen. ugh.

dave and mark were here visiting from kansas city a few weeks ago. it would seem that i've slowly become dave's very lazy stalker. over the past twenty years, i've lived in his old apartment, had my shop just around the corner from where his shop was with the same general theme, and even bought his used george foreman from the thrift store. (yes, the one i got not so long ago!) to top it all off, i recently went to a furniture store and picked out his flamingo desk. in finding out about yet another hilarious coincidence in our parallel lives, he touched base with the owner and i got it for half price. eee! i see now that a gentle form of stalking can pay off in the end.

so now that i have a new flamingo desk, which derek graciously tolerates, i'm ready for some more changes. the desk with my computer got rearranged, we sold the ikea sofa, and we're getting a new bed. my redecorating ire is all fuzzed up and ready to light a match. hooray for holly - she's ready to do another garage sale with me! with the new bed will come new sheets. with the new random other stuff will be another purging of the old stuff. with the new fake diploma that i already lost somewhere in the house will come... something, i guess. oh, and after much thought we've decided to get derek a car of his own. ironically, it will be the same make and model as mine. it's not that way by design, but by luck of the draw and timing. yes, we'll have matching phone numbers and matching cars now. are you throwing up yet?

in theatre news, we have a show opening this week! vee is coming in for the occasion and i get to wear sassy pigtails all over my head for the production. julie has given us a tremendous amount of latitude in coming up with ways to be bizarre gods, so i'm trying my best not to make that many faces when we get notes. unfortunately, i do it without even realizing it, even when i totally agree with the criticism. whoops. but so long as i make the changes i can hope that she won't wrinkle her nose back at me. after all, i get to wear holey sneakers and sing as loud as possible with the utmost off key fervor. nothing to complain about here.

my writing goals were spotty for a couple of weeks, but i'm forcing myself to stay relatively on track. it's getting easier every day just to sit down and do it. some days i stick to the blog or my paper journal. some days i draw and then write about what i see. some days i remember to write postcards or letters. it began as five minutes a day, but i've slowly pushed my goal towards fifteen, which really isn't as much as you would think. eventually i would like to get to at least one hour at a time, but what if i run out of stuff to say? oh wait. this is me we're talking about here. that's not likely to happen. besides, i can always switch between letters and whatnot.

but today is a lazy day. i don't feel like getting much of anything done. even the pile of research next to me that awaits a blaze of glory isn't holding my attention. hmmm, sounds like the perfect time for a purge. when i don't feel any attachment to my stuff, that's the best time to get rid of things. feng shui attack!

how to make friends:
1. find someone you want to be your friend.
2. literally ask them "will you be my friend?"
3. wait for strange reaction and proceed.

10 May 2010

her name wasn't in the program, so did she really graduate?

in any case, i suppose i thought that there has been more updates posted about this. oh wait! it was just all that typing i was doing to finish up the capstone thingy and some other nagging projects. it's all coming clear to me now. the writing haze has been over me, but not in the good way you one would hope for when it comes to writing.

so yes, the graduation was saturday afternoon. yes, the finals have all been turned in and they let me walk. it will be technically be a summer graduation for me, since i still have three credits in computer science to get cleared. for those of you that didn't know, i totally bombed on the computer proficiency exam i took for advanced credit. how???? i know, right? here's how:
1. i own a mac. i heart my mac. they don't. they only test on a pc. that right there should tell you how fucked i was when i even walked in the joint.
2. my computer has the old 2003 editions of the software from testing... that work just fine for my needs, thank you very much... in light of how techno-challenged i am to begin with.
3. derek is an excel master. therefore, i need not know a damn thing about it. and since when do they test over excel when they say the test will be all about internet shit and stuff like that?
4. no cheats, no help usage, no menus, no keyboard commands. they took away everything that people actually do use in the programs and then told you to get shit done. what. the. fuck. ever. dudes. bite me.
5. it was destiny.

so, now i have to take a computer concepts class beginning in about 8 hours. yes, i know i should be in bed by now. i ate a grilled cheese sammich and i feel too peppy to sleep at the moment. it's only a three week class and i'll be finished by the end of the month. maybe i'll even learn how to do bliggity blaggity bazoom with excel. in other clep news, i took a french language test on friday and managed to score six whole credits for a measly 72 bucks and only two hours of my time. it's hard to imagine that my retention from ages ago and my haphazard review skills added up to a win on that. sheesh, i'll take the testing mojo prize after the computer debacle. (no, seriously, the little man in the office told me i wasn't anywhere near even close to passing. i asked.) with that outta the way, i can concentrate on holding my breath until the next few weeks of computer dipshit hell is over. with, of course, me being one of the dipshits. maybe i can take on that old anthony michael hall role as king of the dipshits. hooray!

but i digress.

the graduation ceremony was just as boring as all the other graduation ceremonies. we did have a decent speaker who had fabulously fuzzy eyebrows of white. he spoke in an animated fashion and hopped all over the stage. gee, i suppose that sounds like we had mark twain, doesn't it? that's my story and i'm sticking to it. in discovering that my school actually does have an alma mater, which was printed on the program so we could figure out the words, i also discovered that it is sung to the tune of the kellerman's song at the end of dirty dancing. that being said, i simply could not resist the urge to belt out, "at kellllllllerman's the frinnnships last long aaaaazz the mowwwntains staaaaaannnnn!!!" perhaps the girl in the next row was annoyed. perhaps she's just never seen the movie. perhaps the song is a real song that i just happen to associate with my crazy eighties teen years. whatever. my peeps in my row almost peed with laughter and i managed to keep us all entertained on an otherwise stuffy occasion. hey, if you don't want me to sing movie tunes, don't pick the songs that go with them.

you're singing it right now, aren't you? especially that part where the older sister is jiggling around completely off key in her coconuts. i can hear you and want you to know that it's totally okay. it's my official graduation song, so you're in celebration with me every time you sing the song from now on... and please have the decency to shake your coconuts.

so they did have the money to print the kellerman's alma mater on the program. that must have been really expensive. like in a holy crap bankruptcy expensive kinda way. you can tell, because they forgot to print my fucking name in the program! did they run out of money for ink or what?!?! it happened to at least one other girl that i have confirmed in person so far, and she said that would make total four of us that she knew about from hearing the buzz. it was a moment that i wasn't sure whether to giggle or scream, so i howled with laughter just to cover all the bases. they left the psych honors society out of awards recognition (like the cum laude people and stuff) and they were hacked off. i smiled and said that at least they made it into the program, to which the girl sitting next to me burst into laughter and said how shitty my end of the stick was that day. everything in its perspective, we kept on texting our friends and family while simultaneously making snarky comments about random shit.

now, i don't wanna seem like a hard ass here, but would it have been so hard to get every graduate's name in the program? i mean, we did pay our grad fees and even wore those stupid fireproof gowns and hats. they managed to give out a posthumous degree to a kid who died during the fall semester. warning - this will sound really cold. so his brothers came on the stage and got a standing ovation for collecting a degree that he didn't even finish but had his name printed with the other graduates as having the thing completed. like because he was dead. yes, i get that it's hard to finish school when you're dead. meanwhile, i got no name in the program and had to sit in a hot expo center with a scoreboard above my head and horses outside. if you just said "what the fuck?" and yet laughed at my misfortune anyway, i salute you. life is a ridiculous thing, and apparently too difficult to get printed out in an accurate fashion. at least i was smart enough to bring a fan to the building we had to sit in on hard concrete that doubles as space for a basketball court. that's because i'm a college graduate.

if i send you a program as a souvenir, i promise to fill in my name with a crayon.

the real highlight of the day? we were on the way back home and spotted a ferris wheel on the side of the road next to a waffle house. no shit! it was some kind of redneck suburban hick town carnival day and the parking lot bewtween the waffle house and the dollar store must have seemed like an ideal place to sell five dollar cotton candy to families who have no concept of birth control. how awesome is that? it must have been my reward for attending such a boring function that, while they served greasy bbq beef and loads of fruit and cheeses at the reception, was mostly a snoozefest from hell. or in hell. my wrist is still sore from all that fan action.

derek whipped off the freeway and we promptly took a sickly sweet weekend afternoon ride on the ferris wheel together. it was nothing like the first time we rode a ferris wheel together, when a leather king was repeatedly snapping our photo while i squealed like a pig in our bucket, but that's another story. and yes, we did get some pictures of our feet while floating a gajillion feet in the air next to each other. after that, we met some friends for sweet corn tamales, fruity pico bites, and churros downtown. it was a happy afternoon in the end. mmmmm, squeeeeshy churros. nummy. funny how i seem to remember so many achievements by what foods i was eating at the time. this can only mean one thing. whenever i want something good to eat, i should get something done so i can celebrate.

still got shit to do:
i look a hot mess. made a hair appointment and i am really looking forward to getting my hair washed by another person. that's my favorite part.
sold the ikea sofa. aka the new sofa. (not the red couch!) the one from seattle that we bought just for visitors to have a place to sleep. feeling misty about that.
borrowed a book from a professor and now i have to drive it back out there to him. or i suppose i could just mail the damn thing away.
the show i'm in opens on friday - yay! the ones for the kids open the first weekend in june. it was nice to have one last day off from rehearsal for a while.
it's about time i took a vacation, isn't it?