28 May 2006

gradually moving in

this place is very slowly starting to look like we live here. not just like someone lives here, but like it's us. pictures have been hung and the magnets are taking over on the fridge. nooks and crannys are beginning to be filled with things to remind me of the people i like. we got a new flippy table from ikea yesterday to attach to one of the walls. the living room is still a mess filled with random shit, but the kitchen is finally starting to come together. we got new tile and molding in this weekend, courtesy of the new landlord. he also fixed our dishwasher. i hope it works now, since before it had a lot of "personality" to it. having a dishwasher and a garbage disposal makes me feel spoiled rotten.

did i mention that derek got yet another new shower head? we now own three! it looks like the search for the good shower has finally come to a resting point. it shoots me in the head like a tattoo needle and i can finally get clean without scraping several layers of skin off with one of my infamous scrub brushes. it's not like our old place, but it's not so bad and it will have to do for now.

the train ride to my new job is fairly okay, and beats the shit out of driving all the time. weekends are for driving, when it's like a real city on the road. there's a herd of ipod people on the train, me being among them, and a lot of reading going on. tonight i'm going to figure out how these podcast thingies work so i can hear some npr on the way to work while i flip through some hip novel or hot new piece of nonfiction. i am soooooooo smart. s-m-r-t.

not to alarm anyone here, but i don't smoke in the house anymore. it began as an experiment while we were first moving in and has turned into a sort of habit. (p.s. - this was my own idea and not derek's, just in case you were wondering. he thinks it's nice and all, but it doesn't make much difference to him. just needed to clarify before you thought i was turning stepford on you.) not that i'm going to be militant about it; if i need to wander through the living room for a second, then whatever. i haven't gone all born again freak or anything crazy like that. it's just, since i don't have to walk down the stairs and sit on a gravel hump of a porch area to get outside, it's easy to just step out onto the porch and hang out in my little chair with a book. this is a case where the weather also plays a good role, now that i don't have to worry that it'll be either 10 or 100 degrees when i get out there. i suppose california can have at least one good use.

the weather is great... all the time. this will be terrific in the summertime, when it's like a steam room at home. this will start to eat away at my sanity as i realize there are no seasons and no snow and no way to measure the passing of time here. the evenings here are are my favorite, when it suddenly turns into jacket weather. sleeves are an important component to my wardrobe, unlike most of the stick figure dipshits out here. on a side note, i also own actual shoes, not just those fucking thongs. fucking thongs!!! we really saw a girl this week who was wearing a satin and taffeta dress out to a club with thongs! being no fashion maven myself, i can hardly judge, but i do have some decorum. is she going to melt if she wears some damn cute strappy sandals with her get-laid outfit? oh but wait, i was talking about the weather. i was complaining the other day that it was too damn hot outside, only to find out it was only 90 degrees. this made me feel like some sort of los angeles fuckwad until i realized that i would complain about 90 degree weather no matter where i was. sheesh, i would complain about most anything over 80 degrees given the chance, so i'm relieved to realize that i am still me.

most of the time i realize that i am still me. i'm not adjusting to life out here very well. i hate the people, the traffic sucks, and the food tastes weird. quite often i find myself giving it one more chance in the hopes that it will adjust to me rather than the other way around. as i say when people ask me about culture shock, "i've always found that it's better to give than to receive." the fact is, i don't want to adjust to life out here. i'd rather be surly and sarcastic about things while retaining my human dignity than just get used to the rampant tunnel vision i see going on. i'm starting to be less and less fazed when people give me "that look" while i'm babbling. i'm getting used to having friends i only talk to via other outlets than in person. if someone happens to get along with me then that's wonderful, but i just don't have any attachments and i'm okay with that.

it's not even that i'm really alone. i spend plenty of time chatting up a stranger on the street or talking about nothing with people at work. most of the time, i'm just pumping them for information about things to do in los angeles so when my friends pass through town i'll know where to take them. i've never been good at making new friends. it's a lot of work for me. i mostly just stare oddly and have no idea of anything remotely nicey-nice to say in conversation, being excellent at alienating people by accident with my strong opinions and then deciding they had too weak a stomach for me anyway. it's a wonder i ever meet anyone new, simply because it's so damn exhausting, but i luck upon one now and then.

speaking of how life is so not like it is in the movies, moving sucks. there are too many pitfalls and unexpected expenses. you have to learn the rules all over again. you have no idea where to put your tchotchke shit. moving has more kinks than a bad perm from a rinkydink beauty school. it's all about the things you don't know, and how to fix them in a way that doesn't fuck with you too much. can't we just edit to the next scene here or what? i'm bored with this scene and need a musical montage instead. mary is with me on this one!

so i'm moving in, but i still don't live here. it's hard to tell where i live anymore. i'll let you know when i get there.

midget trifecta

after this week's midget sightings by derek and mary, i was fortunate enough to see what we'll call "the fancy midget" on the way home from work. she was walking down my street all done up - nails freshly manicured in a neutral color, perfect big dark and curly hair, foo foo cream-colored clothes. she also had a tan handbag that was perched in the crook of her right elbow. she had her right forearm held up in a cultured way to keep the handbag from falling as she swished down the sidewalk in her clickety clack high heels. she was terrific.

it was quite a week for us lovers of the midgets. is this a coincidence or is there something deeper going on here?

24 May 2006

new week, new stuff

so now that i've started my new job i get to take the train to work. gone is the hassle of driving an hour to get approximately two blocks away from the house. okay, so maybe it was a bit more than that, but you get the idea. i love my car and clutches don't grow on trees. the new place seems okay so far, but what the hell do i know after only one day? i'll have to see after i've gotten through a few weeks, if i make it that far. there are times when i'm not known for stability in the workplace.

the thing that has kept me buoyed over this past month is all the stuff that keeps showing up in my mailbox. i even got a handwritten postcard with a photo of the puppy from nick this weekend. (i love it - he's so damn cute!) i must say, it is an honor kudos to my peeps all for the postal love. pears, sticky tac, letters, posties, all of it. i'll be watching the box for more.

22 May 2006

todd parr! (and the idiot parade)

enamoured as i am with children's books, there has been a small collection of certain authors gathering bulk on my shelves for some time now. there is dr. seuss (of course) and roald dahl sitting there next to bang on the door and todd parr. i even still have some old richard scarry left over from when i was actually a little kid and bought things from the scholastic books flyer! no pigeon books just yet, but i'm eyeing them with a certain need. it's odd... even though we're not having any kids, i still love having these books around me. they make me feel warm and safe in the best way when needed. anyhoos, imagine my surprise when, upon musing that todd parr lives in california and maybe we could go to a signing, i opened my email to discover that he was indeed going to be here this weekend. oh anti-woe to me.

yesterday was todd parr day over at storyopolis! derek took me to meet the man in the flesh after we got supercharged on crullers at the donut shop. todd introduced some new books and answered questions after he got done drawing pictures of monkeys and reading aloud to kids, parents, and us. before i get ahead of myself, i must note that my love of his books goes all the way back to the day i bought "this is my hair" shortly after moving to nashville. the art is so poppy and bright that it was easy to get hooked. at some later point, i found a deck of okay cards - the ones that say it's okay to this or that - and plastered them on my living room wall. veronica totally covets my okay cards and loves the artwork, so i called her before we left for the bookstore to tell her about the big event. then i called her when we were getting there. and perhaps in an act of nervous twitter, i called her again after we bought "the family book" for me and a surprise book for veronica. that was while stood in line to get a signature in her book.

"omigod, you're there right now? i bet you're like, just a few feet away. really, can you see him from where you're standing now?" she asks. "okay, so whatever you do, please don't say something stupid-"
"i know," i sigh in rememberance, still shuddering. "something stupid, apparently. i'll come up with something better this time. i won't do that one again."

we are referring to the time i met eddie izzard in boston during his sexie tour across the states. after waiting in the snow for half an hour after the show, derek and i got the chance to gawk and, well, it wasn't pretty on my end. derek politely got his ticket signed and said he enjoyed the show. i was in slack-jawed awe for the experience. normally not the type to get tongue tied around anyone, even the likes of people with celebrity, i suddenly stared at eddie like he was a fish on a rollercoaster. then that famous bit of babble came out.

"i don't need anything. i don't want a signature or a picture or anything like that from you," i say.
"oh really? why not then?" he replies. eddie's looking right at me. i have no idea what to do or if i'm going to throw up just to break the milliseconds of staredown deadlock happening.
"i just wanted to say... something stupid, apparently." that's it. i kid you not here, that is word for word the way i fell into a pit of holy mother did i really just do that on our fanrastical meeting. it comes out against my will, no better judgment giving me warning that i'm about to be, once again, a total fucking idiot. always one to go for the gusto on being stupid, i reach out and shake hands with him.
he looks pleasant and utterly confused while we shake and mutters, "oh, well, um, okay." handshake handshake handshake. silence. "uhhh, what does your badge say?" he smiles and reads the button on my jacket. it proclaims to the world "allow me to introduce my selves." he chuckles a bit, nods and thanks me as i stammer a garbled "ok, bye!" and wander off into my own mental hall of shame.

how i relive that with the shocked and squinchy look of a blackout drinker who's at last recalling last night's escapades. ah yes, we'll always have boston.

determined not to repeat the izzard incident (as i now label it in my memories from the many retelling demands made by friends each time they want to make fun of me) i am pulling myself together. i'm gaining self esteem from the fact that most of the audience at the store has yet to even know their alphabet. surely todd parr is used to dealing with droolers and dorks, right? i'm getting calmer now, thinking how cool i am to be an adult at a kids' book signing. it's hip and edgy. pop art is so avant-garde. then we get to the table and i whip out veronica's book with flair.

"this is for my sister. she's thirty!" i say brightly and stare. i push the book towards his side of the table and nod confidently.
silence. silence. stare. silence.
"and what's her name?" he finally asks with a grin.
score another one for george's idiot parade.

he signs a free poster for derek and we get through the polite exchanges without any more trauma when he offers to sign my new book. i told derek that i didn't want to be greedy or rude, but that if i were being greedy, i'd want him to call veronica and say hi. one hopeful look went his way from me. "oh sure," he says, "i'll talk to your sister on the phone. call her up." so we dial and i hand him the phone.

"veronica? hi this is todd parr. i was just signing your book for your sister. you should really come down to the store here." i tell him she's in texas. "oh you're in texas, huh? well, enjoy the book then. oh really? thanks a lot. derek says to tell you it's okay to be a republican. oh wait, your sister says not to tell you that. okay, so you have a good day - bye." he hands me the phone and i hear her squealing and screaming. i'm pretty sure the reason she said she had to get off the phone just then was because she peed her pants.

we strolled neatly out of storyopolis and a good three hundred feet down the sidewalk before i launched into a victory dance. it made someone else's day, and that was a good enough reason for me to be a dipshit in front of todd parr. one more flippy flaily jump/dance spurt with me humming the theme to spider man, and we were on our way home. i did relive a few choice seconds of our meeting with a touch of blushing, but it didn't so much bother me at all. it felt good to be an idiot with purpose, in the spirit of doing a cheery thing for someone else. perhaps i could even pretend i was an idiot on purpose this time.

20 May 2006

tv junkie update

so here's where i show off all my lowbrow inklings towards the beloved television. we all have our things, right? with all due laughs to tim and mary, this week i have mostly been watching...

cartoons! i am so totally happy to see the previously unaired/new episodes of moral orel on adult swim. that show is sick, and you can only truly get the humor if you've lived within the confines of a "fuck you i'm more pious and holy" environment. of course i love it, especially when the poor kid was hooked on crack. we're also in the process of getting addicted to family guy, because that is damn funny. besides that, we bought the first season of robot chicken on dvd. it rocks. we are a twisted pair in this house.

and furthermore, i'm barfing up a hairball over the sweeps stuff. that hideous boston legal finale. ack. i was pretty diasappointed in general, but it's hard to watch parker posey and not be happy. me loveeeee parker posey! speaking of shark jumping, can i just say one thing? A PROM? WHAT THE FUCK?!? that's all i can say about that. someone please tell me that the desperate housewives finale is going to be better.

i've been recording random shit on the cable box dvr thingy and watching certain snippets ad nauseum. hooray for pee-wee! (read this, megan - naked gumby and dr. mondo) hooray for kathy and mo! (you look very, very pretty tonight) also, if you watch penn and teller's bullshit, it's best to avoid the episode on hair if you're not the waxing type. yikes yikes yikes. on days when i miss home the most, i just flip through a selection of king of the hill... that's my purse! i don't know you! could there be anything better than bobby hill to make you forget how much things suck on a bad day?

by the way, i swear upon a stack of vonnegut (well, not really. that lives at jenny's house right now... how about a stack of laurie notaro?) that i do get out of the house and do other stuff. in fact, once i find someone here willing to put up with the high standards and rigor of being my friend, i might even go out and do things with someone besides derek. or maybe i can suck a whole new person into coming over to watch formula one races with me. for now, i get frequent insomnia and need the buzz of voices around; thus follows all this tv knowledge. maybe i can even find another trashy reality show that i like as much as project runway. all the other ones bore the crap out of me. hmmmm, do you think vh1 will have another next top model marathon soon? hehehehehe...

oh yeah, i almost forgot. gotta go watch my beloved tori spelling now.

19 May 2006

grrr, grrr, roar

the past week has been... oh, how should i say it?

have you ever been driving over a hill on a dark country road and suddenly the bottom drops out? you have no warning before your stomach hits your throat like a rollercoaster ride, and for a moment you think you fell off a cliff towards your fiery, painful death. when the moment of shock passes you think, "that was really pretty fun. let's do it again now that we know how it goes!" oh right, once you know how to navigate a bumpy road it's all good. before you figure out how to hit the bumps just right, you think for sure you're going to die with no underwear on your ass and mustard in your hair. (everyone's had mustard in their hair at one point or another. don't try to act like you're more coordinated than i am.) all this to say that my week was one fucking dark and bumpy redneck, back woods, deliverance-on-the-banjo country road.

but i didn't die. i know how to navigate the bumps of the week now - the ones from this week. pretty soon it's a whole new game all over again. until then, i'll be happy about my new library card and that i passed my test to transfer my license. driving legally is at least better than being held up in traffic, even more than the usual waiting, because you're being arrested for an expired license. my bit of joy also sounds better than the fucking pile of emotional muck i've been shuffling through as my depression has gone on full throttle. veronica is emotional bulimic, yes, but i've been busy on this end wading the swamp of poopiness with no shoes or vaccinations. we've all got our own talents.

woe to me.

i could promise to try and make the best of it here or some shit like that, but that just wouldn't be like me. piss on things being only as good as you make them. down with looking at the bright side. to hell with all that rosy shit. the best way i know how to get out of a sucky depression is anger. full on rage and spite. it's good cardio and way more invigorating than trying to fucking get happy. pissiness is worth more self help than a gajillion inspirational sayings. woohooo! i'm motivated now, baby!!!

anger can be so totally zen when you let it work for you.

18 May 2006

i'm a bad book, too!

thank you mary for finding more strange self-analyzing shit for me to ponder. i'm going to be my own shrink from now on. i'm tempted to retake this test, on the basis that it says i'm actually weird! i keep swearing to people that i'm just a normal calm little person. eep! who knew?

take the WHAT BAD BOOK ARE YOU test.

and go to mewing.net. not as good as reading a good book, but way better than a bad one.

the people next door

across the alley from my kitchen window, there is a man giving a sorrowful rendition of "somewhere over the rainbow" to no one in particular. it is perhaps the most beautiful thing i've heard since coming to california. he is insane, completely bonkers, but sings as if he's in the center of the world longing to go someplace else.

there is a facility next to us which acts as a sort of transitional day center for the mentally ill. each morning there is a group of people outside smoking and pacing, waiting for a van to pick them up. some of them talk to walls, others rock back and forth in their chairs saying nothing, a few will wander in and out of the back door of the facility as if they're looking for someone. no one waiting seems dangerous in any way. they're all just crazy and waiting for the van. as i take a look out the window, i recognize this man as one who, with some regularity, will circle an electrical pole muttering "fuck fuck fuck" while staring at the ground. today he is singing, and a couple of other in the group of clientele have joined him in small voices. they sway a bit, changing from the traditional rocking motions, and he moves on to another song. he seems completely content in his performance, so much so that, when the garbage truck comes rolling down the block, he raises his voice even higher to hear himself sing.

"i'm walking in the raaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnn..." comes belting out just as he drops his cigarette on the ground. the man stops suddenly and silently, looking at the cigarette like a naughty child who has gotten out of his reach.. there is some slight muttering before he bends down to pick it up and continue smoking and pacing. today he circles the entire parking lot instead of just the pole and almost limps as he turns back and forth. the others have gone back to their normal quirks. he hums a bit more as he settles into his daily routine of waiting for the van to take him to whatever activities they've set forth for him. soon an engine comes rolling towards the back door of the facility and i hear them all shuffling away. there is no more singing, no more mental chattering, no more wandering circus of people outside.

they are gone. for a moment, i wonder where they go each day and what they do to pass the time as mental cases. then i wander through the kitchen to get more coffee, humming to myself and muttering about how crazy this city makes a person. i start my routine for the day.

11 May 2006

it's raining, it's pouring

welllll... not really. think about where i am. i'll never have a season again. it's bright and hot and fucking sunny all the damn time. it's sunny. every. single. day. there was some weather before i got to town, but i'm sure that's all over now. my two big weather phemomena at this point are daytime and nighttime on the thermometer. but that is neither here nor there. it's a metaphorical way of saying that i'm closing in on the whole job thing, i think.

we've been driving over this past week, sharing the job. it's kind of cool and it kind of blows. on the good side of things, i'm getting paid to read books and sit on my butt. on the lesser side, i feel like i'm doing nothing and have no talents. is this all i can do?!? methinketh not, so i keep on sending out the old so-called resume and cover to get something more stimulating. whoa baby, i got three calls today after mere hours of sending out. let's not get our hopes up here; i'm tired of being disappointed. anyhooo... on to greener pastures, both professionally speaking and in this particular post.

technology hates me. there is a reason that i'm the techno-emily-dickinson of the family. phones hate me, remote controls loathe me, computers simply despise me to the core at a whim. all the gadgets in my life seem to have a permanent case of premenstrual syndrome and i have no chocolate with which to appease them. i'm just going to let them all settle for a few days and have a talk with them after that, just like you would with a real woman.

WE ATE AT ARBY'S TONIGHT! it was inspirational, i tell you. this wouldn't normally be cause for such jubilance. it would and maybe should be more of a source of fatty fatty fat girl shame with some guilt pleasure thrown in. the meal was special on this occasion because i did not cry. confused? lemme work it out for you...

a couple of nights ago i was having some "sensitive time" about being here. we'd gone to the theatre to see a show and it set off a reminder in my head that i have no peeps, no arts involvement, no nada-zip-hole-in-the-donut-nothing. it was decided that i needed something to make me feel more at home. arby's, see? after a long and out of the way drive to van nuys we pulled up to an arby's that was already fucking closed. at ten o'clock. even the drive thru! i burst into tears, or as close as i can physically come to it lately. (more on that below) derek drove around until i was calm enough to just sit there like a beaten woman. beaten by this stupid town where everything is always closed when i need it to be there for me.

isn't this supposed to be one of those places where shit is always open? up all night, party all the time. what the fucking fuck?!?

since then i have been little miss fussypants. i'm grouchy smurf. i'm a poopy, droopy girl. you were all waiting and just knew that nervous breakdown would happen, right? wrong. just poopiness - a billion dirty diapers worth.

moping can be an art form if you only try hard enough. if you're a big enough sad sack, you can even avoid watching pee wee herman or kathy and mo in favor of simply sitting there staring at the wall and wondering when you'll start crying again, if you could manage to cry. most of your time if spent on the edge of crying, but it never happens. the welling is frequent and difficult on the nose; the anticipation just makes things worse. this must be what mary and grove feel like when they want to throw up but just can't do it. let's just hope it takes less time than years and years before i get to cry again. i'm trying to take that scarlett o'hara attitude and think of tomorrow as another day and all that shit. fuck, that is hard when you realize your chickens are all gone.

so fast forward to this afternoon... there are people calling me based on my resume. (moi?!) i've gotten through traffic relatively unscathed, and i have mail waiting for me at home. derek promised to take me back to another, a different arby's and so we were off. ahhhhhhh, that lovely crap food junkie smell was wafting past my tear ducts. i swear i could've started bawling right there if not for the fact that i was busy eating hormonal meat and fried potato cakes. thank you arby's! for just a moment i was back where i belonged and felt like i might be able to take a trip to target with another person someday soon. i had hope. i had happiness. i had horsey sauce.

i think i'm going to cry now, or at least try really hard and pluck out a nose hair soon if it comes to that. tomorrow is another day.

06 May 2006

random side notes - chapter two

veronica went to the alamo today. there IS a basement! really!

any time you're in the situation where you have to say to a person, "i'm sorry. you're not the miss america i was looking for" and be totally serious about it in a not insulting way, that is just simply wrong. when she laughs it off and impishly says, "oh, we all look alike" and eats cake, it gets even better. i was there - she really does eat!

we passed a place this week that rents cars for $6.99 and up. yes, i thought i read it wrong at first, until i peeked behind the front of the building. the lot in back had some real clunkers in it, including a car with parts of many colors. if i really needed to rent a car that much, i would just go ahead and spring for the big bucks.

how does a one legged pigeon survive on the sidewalks of los angeles? how does it get to be the biggest pigeon in the herd? it was like a baby turkey. it was the mother of all pigeons! it was absolutely enormous, i tell you. that must be the strongest pigeon leg in the history of the world. that leg was holding up the heft of a small country. go, one legged pigeon, go!

i read magazines from back to front on most occasions.

sales tax around here is lower than it is in tulsa, and we're not paying it on food. even though southern california is a cesspool, i'm saving money on taxes. why is the state government in oklahoma and the city government in tulsa always broke if they're collecting so much money? i can manage money better than that and my money skills blow.

bubba and stuart are friends, even if they don't know it. they lay on the couch right next to each other, sit in the doorway together, eat at the same time. all the while they quite actively ignore each other's presence, but always seem to be hanging out together. dizzy watches on and takes the occasional swipe at each of them when they're expecting it. she's a princess and can't be bothered with letting them get in her way. this is how the heirarchy of cats goes in my house.

holly is right - live life like it's hot pie. even if you burn your pie hole, just keep on eating. wisdom and food put together... i love her.

i think i got a job

after about two hours of looking, i got an interview for some crappy retail - and i say crappy in the most loving way - along hollywood boulevard. (no jokes about me working the streets, please. hey! stop it! i heard you!) then there was a call from some guy who wants a personal driver, which is a job i'm splitting with derek. i had a phone call last night from the woman looking for an extra production assistant. the temp service is all about trying to place me and say my resume looks great. could they be looking at someone else's resume? then my neighbors wanted copies of it so they could put in plugs for me at universal and with some "industry people" for odd jobs like an assistant and stuff. i've decided the odd jobs route sounds like more fun than being an office lackey. who cares if it's unstable and i have no idea what the pay rates will be? it'll be cooler to drive a real estate agent around town in his new bmw than to be stuck somewhere that probably doesn't even have a window. for now i think i'll sit back and rest on my laurels for a few days so i don't get overwhelmed with crap to do. is it possible that i'm somewhat appealing to these people? are they so desperate for an actual human being that good luck is flocking to me?

i'm feeling oddly positive today. that in itself makes me want to throw up. my attitude about this place would seem to be on the up side of things. it's giving me a new perspecitve on my old sourpuss ways. that's not to say that i don't still hate the people here. for the most part (and i do give room for exceptions, but in a wary way) they are suckity suck crap. i'm a jaded, pragmatic cynic and they're fucking stupid. i would hope that as i get out there it's easier to meet some humans, but i'm not crossing my fingers or anything. one quick look at craigslist tells me what kind of ameobas populate this city. am i on a high horse again? damn. as i said, it's an oddly positive. i haven't gone all pollyanna on you - there's no need to panic. i've never been good with people and i sure don't intend to start now.

did mary tell you all that she has a new address? she does, and it even has running water!
did derek tell you to click on his map thingy? he needs friends to click on his map!
did i tell you that the cats are all fine now? they're taking over the place!

i got new friends the old fashioned way this week. i went on friendster and dorked out for an hour, looking and lurking. then i sent out invites to people i already know. "pleeeeeease be my friennnnnnd." and they said yes. whoopee for me. i have more friends. i still hate myspace and it sucks big turds. let people call me so last year and out of style. so be it. fuck them. i have new friends and they don't.

does oddly positive mean defiantly sarcastic today?

yesterday was my test case of driving on the la freeway system. as there was actual driving happening, as opposed to stoppage, i had a blast. what's the big deal? i like to drive around here. all that changing lanes and whipping around is fun. now if everyone would just get the hell out of my way it would be all kinds of good. and for pete's sake, if there's a car stalled on the side of the road, SO WHAT?!? stop looking at it, get off the phone, and drive the damn car! you're not that important, you know. no one needs to be on the phone that much. no one needs to touch up their makeup that much. no one has that much else to worry about when operating a motor vehicle. i know that it is. it's because you had to wait forever to get your food from these sucky-ass waiters, isn't it? so now you're in a hurry and have to call people to tell them you're running late. that's fine, but after that just hang up the phone and watch the road. jesus mary and joseph, drive the damn car and maybe we'll all get to where we're going!

it must mean that. or angrily confident.

i have yet to find my zone of "down the street" here. i was talking to julie for an eon last night about all of this and she says it's coming. i just have to be patient and let it come to me. there's a cheap thai place around the corner that would approximate it, so maybe i'll take my peeps there when they come to see me. the true test of down-the-street-ness is how you feel when you're there with your friends. if you spend more than ten minutes just getting out of the place and then another ten leaving to go home, it's definitely down the street.

until then, it's time for some serious cat cuddling time, more coffee, and plenty of trash tv. don't you just love tori? she makes me wanna listen to the song "supermodel" at full blast and prance around. come on everyone and make time for tori. liz would. mary would. megan feels the pull. tori's good for you. and robot chicken is good for you. and so is moral orel, even if it makes nick want to barf. especially for that reason. cartoons and trash make me not worry about the ozone layer so much! there's only so damn serious i can be.

i heart tori and formula one.

02 May 2006

give me head or give me crap

turns out there was an old shower head lurking around in the new apartment. after some brilliant engineering and epoxy, we can now take an actual shower! i actually had a dream last week that i'd gone to visit home and showed up on rebecca's doorstep begging to take a shower. clearly, something had to be done. the water composition is still strange so i'll never have it as good as i did before, but at least i can stop using the scrub brush in a brutal way just to feel like i got all the soap off. let's not even talk about getting shampoo out of my hair. i'm clean! i'm clean!

it's good to be clean when you're looking for a new job. it's good to actually get out there and look for a job when you're looking for a new job as well, i suppose. last week was going to be the ground zero of job hunting, right? going to be. it would seem that i've been on sabbatical from my old self in more ways than one. i'm a lazy fucker as of late and i still have on my pajamas right now. this is so bizarre - the last time i went this long without a job (or two or three) was when a totally different george bush was in office. can i just say something here? i hate hate hate looking for a job. i love having one, love going to work and doing a good job, no matter what it is i'm doing. it's important to take pride in what you do regardless of the way the rest of the world might see it. i really love to dig in and work hard and feel like i'm getting something done. it's only the humiliation of the job hunt that sends me into a tailspin. the more time i spend looking at job listings, the more i despise the job hunt. barf, retch, vomit, hwarf, blech.

am i qualified to do anything? people always say stuff like "oh you could just do anything" to me. when vee and i were talking about it this weekend and we decided that irks the shit out of us when we get told that. we have so much varied experience that it just means we our choice of things, right? if only that's how a potential employer would see things. instead it's looked at as the inability to follow through on things and a history of instability. not that i'm denying either accusation, but it should also be seen as adaptable and curious. oh, if only. we try new things, we move on and try more new things. we have the personality to pick up new skills and use them. we have the guts to change and go do something else. then reality hits. being able to "do anything" usually translates into being qualified to do nothing. it means a lot of begging and proving ourselves as lackeys until someone realizes we're not big dipshits.

work won't be my life out here. it will be something where i can get out of the house and make some money. if that means getting some crap job at a store selling widgets then so be it. i'd just like to do something where i can once again go in and do a good job, hang out, and get something done. if holly is going to call me an artistic genius, then maybe i should just devote more time to the rest of my life and let derek be happy making more money that i do. who cares if he's the man in my life and bringing home the bacon? i fucking love bacon! politics, schmolitics. (or should i say, in my case, polichicks.) schmorggedy borggedy norggedy, said the insulting girl.

speaking of bacon, i got a postcard from megan! there is something about me that says whooping monks on a rollercoaster. this is now the third time i've gotten that card. it's superb each time i see it. there's something to be said for knowing me well enough to get me something i love that someone else has already picked out for me. eee! when it came in mail yesterday i was having a really crap time of it. the job thing almost made me cry and i was getting lonely for my peeps to go out and have cheese fries with me. excellent timing there, toots. we'll get you over your fear of the post office one of these days. in the meantime, just keep on making your family send you extra stamps.

this leads me to the subject of crap. not literal crap, though you shouldn't put it past me. you never know when i'm going to talk about some epiphany i had while sitting on the toilet. do they always happen there? what's with that? are there certain muscles involved in crapping that activate the brain on mysterious ways? shut up. i'm not the only one to think about things like this. but i digress...

we went for lunch yesterday at a joint called eat at joe's. it was rumored that they not only had hash browns, but also white gravy and chicken fried steak. on a day when you're bummed about leaving home, you'd like a reminder of some good things about home, so we stopped in to try it out. ever been on the school lunch program as a kid? this was the cafeteria food version of CFS and eggs, and not even the luby's version. the eggs were fine. the toast was not burnt. that's the best i can say for the meal. the sliced potatoes were like scalloped burnt chips with no cheese, and even i have made better gravy in my kitchen trials. when i'm hungry my taste buds fly out the window and i just eat. i passed my on to derek, king of gravy stuff. he took a few bites and pushed the plate away. it's obvious that the food out here will take some getting used to, and that their idea of home cooking is to leave the secrets of cooking at home.

i was a pirate all day after the festival! arrrrr....