29 January 2009

mary got snow, but i got ice

so the streets are finally clear enough to drive without constantly thinking about my car insurance. going to work in second gear is always a thrill. it's still cold, but in a glorious and shiny way. i have a million hats and turtlenecks to wear in this weather anyway.

callbacks on my auditions have been postponed due to the icy streets. hopefully after they happen tonight we'll know more about what's going on. actually, i have a few things in the works that i'm waiting to hear about, but life is up in the air for now. anticipation makes me jittery; i'm no good at waiting.

what i really want for dinner:
japanese food

24 January 2009

food in a tube and why i hate faux-feminism

nothing much going on around here this week. i'm trying to get back into my groove at work and home after our little break with tim and mary. (yes tim, i did have a good time playing rock band... mostly on the drums, because the flying sticks were hilarious.) it's too bad we missed the snow! we had a mild sleet in my neck of the woods last night, but it didn't even freeze long enough to hit the ground.

right now i'm preparing for another audition - third time is a charm, right? - and lolling about at my desk while trying to digest the biggest breakfast burrito ever made. even after consuming only half of it, i am absolutely stuffed. the blue dome diner is very interested in making you full and should provide a napping spot following every meal. the place would look like that episode of the boondocks with the luther. i heart burritos.

the strangest thing happened on the elevator in my building. i had taken derek out to run errands and do some shopping for his upcoming birthday. the whole day was spent doing some serious boosting to the economy. (is that patriotic or what?) we got him a new dvd player, some speakers for his computer, and the requisite box of fruity pebbles. as we got into the elevator, there was a fifty-ish looking woman blocking the way. we squeezed in with her and derek politely asked if she could please punch our floor's button. there was no way we could've reached it because she was taking up half the elevator with her big coat and purse. she sighed meaningfully and pushed the button.

i was carrying most of the electronics load and some target bags. he had been holding the door for me and only had a couple of bags in hand. he asked if i wanted him to take any of it and i said i was fine because it wasn't heavy at all. fifty-ish woman then made a grunt of "hmph" and glared at derek. apparently she didn't realize that the elevator is mirrored and i could see her making faces at him behind his back. when she turned and caught sight of me making the "what the fuck is your problem?" face at her, she looked down at her feet.

she got off the elevator first. derek and i stepped out of the way to let her and the coat and purse shove past us. "don't ever do too much for him," she snarled to me on the way out. i just smiled and replied, "oh i could never do too much for him!" after that she muttered something approximating how i was making her sick and shuffled away. derek stepped back into the elevator with a look of QUOI and i chuckled while i gave him a kiss on the cheek. yes, he did open the door for me when we got home. he even took everything out of my hands for me and let me go pee first.


just because she was bitter and alone is no reason to be a total cunt to my boyfriend. i happen to like him! just because it would've been harder to hand over the speakers with her taking up more than her fair share of elevator space, she suddenly gave herself the right to tell me what i can and cannot carry on my own. where is she when i have a load of groceries and i'm trying to open the front door to the building with my pinky?

i've always enjoyed telling people that i have a feminist on one shoulder and a chauvinist on the other. now i know why. she was in some serious need of a bitch slap. i mean, really. sofia coppola, what the crap?! it's no small wonder that chicks are seen as psychotic. honestly, we kind of are total loony birds, but mostly not to that extent. i think.

i'm just glad i don't have to be her. ugh, what a shiver of disgust the mere thought of it brings to me. i have a new dvd player that i didn't even have to hook up, AND have been offered to share in the fruity pebbles splendor. maybe later i'll parade around the house some more in my new underpants (a gift from derek because he though i would look cute in them) with the box of cereal making chicken-ninja noises. oh yes, i could never do too much for him.

goofy web thingies:
the wayback machine internet archive
smell club japan
seth macfarlane's cavalcade of cartoon comedy

18 January 2009

what is this carolina barbecue you speak of?

let me say this first:
by simply complaining about the "obama is black, in case you didn't know" thing earlier this week, it seems to have gone away for me. perhaps the powers that be heard my rantings and have converted him into simply being "president-elect obama" at last. heave ho, historical overkill! i realize that yes, it is a big deal. however, i also think he got a job and he has to do that job regardless of what he looks like. (but if we're going to focus on his looks, can we can him president cutie patootie instead? that's just as musical as his real name!) i am still interested in the dog, though. those girls are adorable and i bet they are his little princesses, so i can totally see him having to take a teensy weensy toy poodle named pizza for its morning poopies.

this evening we go back to oklahoma. we've spent the week here at tim and mary's on a foodfest and goof-off-a-thon. hooray for sweet tea! yesterday we went to a barbecue shack out in the boonies to get some real carolina barbecue. there was only one meat option (pork) on the menu, which was the first odd thing i noticed. then came the proliferation of hushpuppies. i heart the carolina hushpuppies. they're a sweetish cornbread style, very warm and squooshy. the meat itself was strange and wonderful. the "sauce" came already on the dish, which is a new thing for me, and was very thin. it had a flavor reminiscent of italian dressing on its own; something of a vinegar base with seasonings we couldn't quite identify, as each bbq shack's sauce recipe here is supposed to be something of a well-guarded secret. combined with the pork it reminded me of something we would order at the cha-cha chicken stand (caribbean food) we used to eat at with tara out in los crapeles. what i would have given to see our faces as we tried things! mary was about to bust out laughing at our quizzical expressions. i wouldn't exactly call the meal barbecue, but once i got past that label i enjoyed it.

other things i've seen in north carolina:
the nasher museum (whee!)
dunkin donuts
tall skinny pine trees
me dressed as an indian superhero rock star
short buildings
monkey artwork to take home
trader joe's
bollywood musical kung fu comedy
an art-o-mat machine

things i didn't see much of:
small houses

it's been unseasonably chilly here this week, so we didn't do as much walking as we would normally do on a trip. unseasonable in winter sounds crazy, right? i suppose it doesn't normally get to the single digits on the thermometer here, being as it is the south. no matter - the next time we come we'll get out to the farmers' market and drive to the beach. tanya says that if i plan it right and give her some notice (spontaneous travelers, unite!) before we actually get here, she'll try to take off and get a train down or something. besides, there is a lot more food to be consumed in the area. we haven't even gone to locopops yet!

a super fun movie you must see:
chandni chowk to china

11 January 2009

you love me because i'm boring

last weekend derek and i cleaned out the bedroom closet. i went impulse shopping with mary before she left and we managed to drag home both a fantastic closet organizer and a tall skinny rack with hooks for my entryway. they're wonderful and silvery and have that baker's rack look to them.

nothing like going to the gigantor home supply shop as part of your girls' day, is there? she was actually the catalyst for this. she's one of those types who generally thinks over a purchase for some time. an impulse buy for mary is a pack of gum. of course i take her consumer skills seriously. once mary said the price looked good, i whipped around the corner to find a stray buffalo for my new goodies. in the process of hauling that thousand pounds of metal to the line, i managed to knock over (and admit to employees that i had done so because i was worried someone would trip over them) an entire display of shelving... thus leaving my wrist incapacitated to put together the entryway shelf. derek was so excited to see all the shiny shiny happiness that he obliged our squeals of delight as soon as we got back to the house.

now i can stop looking for the hooks to my coat rack! it is an item which has degenerated into a pole on a stick without its hooks. lame, but a fine thing for only two people's coats. only when tim and mary came to visit and we had no hooks for the second year in a row did i realize that it was probably time to just suck it up and call off the hunt. the pole-on-stick mechanism is still living (with much hope) in the corner of my bedroom until i can get some more feng shui going on in my mystery boxes. what kind of jackass would give away a coat rack with no hooks, right?

so anyway... we had that awful white wire shelving in the closet. you know, the kind that has you decide which hangers really need to go with which by virtue of dividers every few inches. ugh, how fucking annoying is that? i want to have the freedom to whisk my clothes to one side with a flamboyant flick of my hand. i want to push them back and forth with indecisive grunts. i want to be able to squish in an extra shirt and pants without my closet bitch-slapping me with rejection for wanting to hang up something i've only worn half a day. the stupid pisser that thought up those shelves as an efficient way to conduct your closet affairs was truly in torture mode at the time.

the cats somehow managed to refrain from freaking out when i hurled all of our crap out into the bedroom on sunday afternoon. (although bubba did look concerned that we might be moving again, so soon after he's finally gotten enough hair to spread around) after a few hours of playing with power tools and making a complete mess of things, the closet looks fantabuloso, baby! how is it that i technically have fewer shelves now and yet more room? oh yeah - those fucking wire things are gone. we also chucked a few empty boxes that must have had sentimental value at the time and rearranged the rest of the bedroom. can you imagine? i'm old enough to be in charge of the country and i finally want to keep a tidy room.

maybe we should take photos of the new and improved closet to impress mary and tim when we go see them this week. they should be happy that we finally made more space for them to hang their coats. pole-on-stick, your days might be numbered.

one thing i'm really tired of right now:
and you may be sick of this one, too. can SOMEONE please talk about barack or michelle obama without mentioning the color(s) of their skin?!?!? for crying out loud, people! who gives a damn? i beg the media to get back to the discussion about the presidential dog. at this point, even NPR is starting to sound like a bunch of racists. if i were in the obama family, i would be rolling my eyes so much they'd look like a sunset in fast forward. dear media, please stop embarrassing yourselves and move the fuck on to something else.

10 January 2009

my love affair with chickens

on a triumphant note, i made chicken and rice for dinner tonight... all by myself. derek is still alive and i haven't thrown up as of yet. this is a vastly huge hurdle for me to overcome. my mad skills in the kitchen seem to be expanding past that old arch nemesis being the poultry group. as of this moment, i am invincible.

andy sent me a package last week. not only was it a shock to receive postal goodies from him, but it had a very special surprise enclosed - chicken earrings! EEE! love you too, sweetie. promise me i'm still your favorite chicken farmer, okey dokey?

for those of you that don't know, the chicken thing goes way back with me. i love that such a funny quirk would inspire andy. and no, it isn't just the chicken ninja noises i make on my medication or the joke about how much chickens love bach. (yes, me and veronica still love this one!) chickens signify a strange turning point in my life... does that sound odd?

it all started when i began teaching and directing. i would round everyone up at the end of the evening for notes or whatever with a "hey peeps" and bawk bawk bawk on to them. it got to be a habit that evolved into a tradition with me. things just went on from there.

see, these are my people. thus, they are my peeps. and thus even more so, they are my chickens. once you've been in one of my shows or classes, i think of you (lovingly, even if we bickered at the time) as my little chicken forever. moreover, you are in george's army of chickens. so far i've been lucky enough to have a wide variety of people pass through my life in this manner, and some of them more than once. i've even passed out a few ceremonial tiny rubber chickens that i hear serve as good luck charms in a pinch. nice to know that i've rubbed off on some people - err, i mean, chickens.

as george carlin used to say, chickens are good people.

things on youtube that make me laugh:
rat loves cat (from derek)
i wanna be like osama (nick and i are offensive people)
engineer's guide to cats (thanks to mary)