my superhero skill

for a long time now, my superhero name has been "catalyst of doom" to reflect an assumed ability to make everything i touch turn to shit. businesses have shut down, magazines have folded, hair colors have gone all wiggly just from my involvement. in the scheme of things, i suppose it could be viewed as a self-important point of view for me to take; the idea that i could ruin everyone else's life is goofy. right? isn't it? please?

when we moved to suckifornia, everyone talked about how beautiful the weather would be there. this was quickly followed by record breaking heat and humidity, plus an impending possibility of rolling blackouts across the city. corporations bent to my will and volunteered to turn off a few lights once in a while. crisis averted. after pissing off the weather gods there, we decided enough damage had been done and split like a banana.

welcome to the new town of seattle, where floods are creeping up due to the record breaking rainfall for november. oh and don't forget the forecast that just told me it might snow this weekend (in a city where "it doesn't snow") and the thermometer is slowly having a nervous breakdown. these might seem like they're just blips on the satellite, but we all know that my ego is gigantic. GIGANTIC, I TELL YOU! it only takes a couple of tiny incidents to set off big head expansion. soon there won't be doors big enough for me.

in honor of my complete lunacy derek has renamed me. he says that i'm ACTUALLY supposed to be "the catalyst of change" and not doom. hmph. doom was comfortable for me. i was good at doom. pffffft, change? is he talking about quarters and dimes? it makes my nose wrinkle. i'll have to think about it more to know if i like it or not.