you know that if i'm amused by a baby it's got be a good time. they all look the same to me for the most part. they have to do something really special to get my attention. otherwise i just tell parents to watch "the dog whisperer" and get tips from cesar on how to deal with the kids. (hey, i just try whatever works with the cats and it usually works on an infant just as well.) just for the crap of it, here are some fun and doody-full snippets from conversations on poop and life, courtesy of max and merritt's bakery...
one of the reasons to enjoy your friends having babies is for the comical things that they so. while out at the bakery with rhiannon this morning, the baby managed to crap on its own back. he didn't even start crying like he does when he's being evil twin finn. just a squeak and a grunt, enough to get her to pick him up out of the baby bucket.
rhiannon: what's up max? do you need me to hold you?
me: uhhhh, it's crapped on its back.
rhiannon: oh jeez. we'll have to make a pit stop by the house.
me: hehehehehehehe. he crapped on his back! hehehehe. that's some powerful shit! hehehe. look at that! hehehehe
rhiannon: yeah yeah whatever.
cut to the changing table. the air is toxic, rhiannon is turning her head away while her eyes appear to be watering from the stank. she goes to put his clothing in the washer immediately. he proceeds to lay around naked peeing on himself and anything near him.
me: i think he just peed into the air.
rhiannon: well, of course. of course! is there more where that came from, max? what are you doing? you're going to need a bath. i'm going to make your dad give you a bath. what all did he pee on?
me: it looked like the whole table. yep, there's some along the side. hehehe, max peed straight into the air, AND he crapped on his own back AND all the way down his leg! what are you feeding him? is this that appelsauce? hehehehe. i wonder if i've ever crapped on my own back.
rhiannon: probably before you were old enough to remember it.
me: i don't know. i had some drug haze moments, but i don't think i did. i'm sure i've peed so much it went on my back.
rhiannon: like in a puddle that leaked up your back? ewww, there's a puddle from where he peed all over the place!
me: hehehehe. look, he's scared the cat into the other room! i know the smell of cat poop. if it's so bad that the cat ran away, it's pretty bad.
rhiannon: i have pee on my shirt now.
me: thanks max. moments like these are the whole reason to come home and see you. you laughed, you screamed, and now you're crapped on your back and peed all over. this trip is complete now.
rhiannon: oh well. it's ed's shirt anyway.
hehehehe...
something i've googled: holy-habits nun paper dolls
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