running with the crowd

it's halloooooooowwwwweeeeeeeeen - BOO!

today i got to be part of a group. it was KISS if you want to be exact about it. there were some people at work painting their faces and they needed another member to complete the band, so i was taken hostage. or can you call it being taken hostage if you gave your consent. enough quibbling... we'll just say that my forehead was kidnapped by some face paint but i happily went along for the ride. to be honest, i'm not really that knowledgable about the ins and outs of KISS, so i had to ask someone else which one i was when we were posing for the photo. (if they know anything, then i was ace) hey, if you're not a nutty fan and other people are already paul and gene, it can make you look like a real asshole that you have to stop and wonder who you are for halloween. fuck it. i have my mask on and i'm participating, even being sociable in the face of my own inner shyness/fear of rejection/anxiety. whoop a dee doo for me!

one other good thing of the day was lunch. i went out with a girl that i barely know from work to a nearby diner. success? mais oui. not only did i get up the nerve to ask someone to have lunch with me, but i got to have hash browns, fried eggs, and a lovely chat as my reward. after lunch i went back to work and even got candy. it's funny how a day can just fall into place sometimes.

but let's get something straight here:
when i say i'm not good with people, i mean just that. there is no humble veneer or sly wit to it. being around others can be exhausting for me because i lack certain filters that make me act "appropriately" for the situation. i have to think really hard most of the time about what it is i've obviously just said or did that left you standing there with your mouth hanging open or made you glare at me like that. it's not that i'm trying to be remedial; i just really have no idea how to behave most of the time. to me, that would qualify as being not good with people. while it's not that difficult to play off my social affliction as a penchant for snappy repartee and crazy nonsequitors, it is nonetheless uncomfortable. it might be just as uncomfortable (whether it's enduring me or encountering new social situations) for other people, but very few of them are letting on to that. i'm just going to go out on a limb and guess that being around people can suckity suck for just about anyone. some of us are just lucky to be oblivious enough to not notice that everyone is aghast and/or confused by our last comment. don't mistake bravery for the lack of being scared.

speaking of running with the awkward, i am part of another group of someones. although i don't really know those someones yet, i can tell you that we all park in the same garage and we all drive a volkswagen. it's KIS-MET! (a la norville's KAR-MAAAAA in the hudsucker proxy) everyone who parks here has one model or another! how's that for freaky freak? if one were still seeing signs, they might see this as a good one that we moved into the right building. i must say, i do like my little built-in window bench.

this is definitely motivation to look for more coincidence in my life.