26 December 2006

the complaint department of the day - or, as mary called it: merry bitchmas... with an addendum of angry jazz hands

today has a despondent edge to it, a feeling of *le sigh* hanging over. ho hum. it's not anything specific or even depressing, just some indescribable angst and lethargy. what a pair. it's as if i should be out doing stuff and being fabulous but i don't have the energy. i could stay home and do projects, but i don't have the energy. all i have the energy to do is sit around and snarl.

after walking back to the apartment from our somewhat disappointing fudmas (with an umlaut), i just sat here staring. sigh. ho hum. we have yet to find a place here that can compare to our beloved india palace in the overall experience. there have been places that have good service but so-so food and the other way around, but nothing is the total package. how i miss the comfort of that crazy pink interior. anyway, this evening's outing was just kinda blah. the group we met up with wanted to go out for drinks afterwards, so i abandoned them (and derek) to come home and stare. he also got bored with their brand of gallavanting and came home soon after to discover me chatting on the phone with mary.

ah yes, when i need a long session of mutual rambling she is always good for it. sometimes we can raise babble up to an art form. you're jealous, aren't you? tonight was no exception. i figured she might be "xmased out" after a whole weekend with the family, and i needed someone who could understand my sense of humor without me having to be polite or turn on my social filters or explain myself. i'd had a whole evening of social awkwardness with new people and needed the ability to be myself without apology. whew. now that's what i call comfort. turns out she needed the opportunity to slip into the laundry room and blow off some steam.

you know how when a person starts to rant it seems a little disjointed? then once they pick up some steam it turns into a flowing river of bitching. by the time they've reached the point where they forget to take a breath in between entire paragraphs of complaint, things are coming out so smoothly that it's almost as if the ranting is some piece of subconsciously memorized dialogue.

"oh, let me tell you all about it..."
"and thennnnnnn, by the way you won't believe this part but i have to tell you because it's driving me crazzzeeeeeee..."
"it's just so freaking stooopid. that's right! the next thing he did was even dumber and you know what it reminds me of that's even dumber than that? because i'm really getting sick of when i go out and have to deal with this brand of bullshit in the world because i am a good person damnit. oh why meeeee, oh whhhhhyyyyyyyy?!?!?!"

none of this is a direct quote of her ranting this evening (and yes i would tell if it was - you know me better than that) but more of a feeling of how the speed picks up as the ideas get formed. it usually ends with a primal grunt or grrrrr and some form of flailing appendages. there is also a snack involved somewhere in the coming down process. my personal version, which some of you may have heard in person, is akin to the scheme of:
A. so here's what
B. and furthermore
C. and that's how it is/i'm sick of it

of course i am never quite so succinct as my initial outline. i build up a lot of speed and can ramble off entire discourses with only a tiny supply of oxygen. it's probably better that i breathe less during those moments; otherwise i would have even more complaining to do. or getting done. whatever.

when i really get going i even throw in what tara once dubbed as my "angry jazz hands." wanna see it? make some jazz hands. now tense up your fingers and shake your forearms around while keeping your elbows tucked in close to your body, like you're shampooing someone else's head. it also helps to tilt your chin down just a bit and snarl. doing that? yeah i see you. you are now a qualified master of the angry jazz hands maneuver. perhaps i should have it named after me. i could be just like dr. heimlich. nahhhh... angry jazz hands sounds so much more festive.

am i picking up speed yet? i've stopped breathing and my toes have definitely started to flail. i can SO have flailing toes!!! you're just jealous again. i'll give you my spirit finger for that.

i think it's time for that snack now.


what i'm snacking on tonight:
clementine oranges
baby cinnamon roll thingies from ikea
cheese (duh)

1 comment:

lizgwiz said...

I went to India Palace on Christmas Eve for the lunch buffet. I thought of you. Not that that makes YOU feel better particularly, but it made ME feel good. :)