it occurred to me today that i'll be leaving here in a month. derek is coming back to load up and drive the truck out to los angeles with me. we'll be leaving our lives of several years in a rearview mirror. barf. no more spontaneous girls night or impromptu dinner parties with my posse. barf. i won't know any dorky theatre people or disgruntled lackeys to commiserate with on a bad day. barf. no more sunday brunch with nick and company followed by a trip to target for crap. barf barf barf.
if i throw up enough from nerves, i'm sure to lose that five pounds i was working on, but that kinda business can't be good for my tummy. so i'll just suffer with barfy pangs and take a deep breath in and let out it again. breathe in, breathe out. ahhh, i'm feeling very dalai lama now.
barf.
veronica called yesterday and we had a fabulous talk about how she's learned to put her focus into doing good things for herself (as opposed to simply mooning over a random guy) over these past few months. it's such a relief to hear her say that she's worth more than settling for things that she doesn't need or want in her life. finally! the thing that amazes me in all this is her ability to heartily survive this big move of changing her entire life on the spur of the moment and rearranging everything by just uttering the magic words of "fuck it" and going for broke, partly because i'm having such a jittery time in imagining what awaits me in the coming weeks. she thinks i'm so brave most of the time. it's good to see her being brave, too. maybe now she even realizes that she is, so next time she calls me crying i can just cry back and snap her out of it more quickly.
i haven't cried lately. not even in private. not even while watching bad television. is there something wrong with me? i would have expected to be sobby as hell the day derek left. maybe i'm just stunned. barf.
i won the borders idiot challenge again! in your face, scott! that's 3-2 now, thanks to a decent showing from the groom's guide. (you're getting married. now read this book.) we even saw the previous winner, the comings and goings of david beckham, on the staff pick shelf as a lovey joke. our choices may have been less than inspired this week on account of the amazing acoustics from the hail storm going on at the time. okay i admit it. we just get lazy sometimes. we'll find something dumber there next week.
must learn lines. must learn lines. barf.
1 comment:
Its gonna suck a little when you leave, but then I'll leave, and it won't seem so bad, because I'll be gone and it won't be like you're in Tulsa and I'm not, so its okay. we'll exchange postcards, like when I lived in Minneapolis. It always used to brighten my day when I saw I had mail from you. Anyway. Barf.
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