nonsequiturs make me happy.
i was going through my purse today and found a lovely gem from mary:
there are so many different kinds of beans... what's that all about?
in a neverending clothing revolution, my shoelaces both snapped when i was getting ready to leave for tim and mary's house today. while on my way to buy a new bra, i might add. what the fuck?!? will my pants begin to spontaneously fall down next? ah but no. i just remembered the "chub rub" holes that have been developing on some of my pants. i guess those jeans with the holey crotch really do belong to me. i'm still getting rid of them.
and as for that whole innocent thing i spouted off about before, well, i can say this. if i don't care enough about someone to name them, i must not give a crap about who they are. either that or they sign my paycheck. in any case, the intrinsically inconsequential shall remain anonymous. i mean, who really cares about generic assholes anyway? you'd have to be pretty special to even get a nickname from me when it comes to being freaky. take "our lady of the shrubs" - a potentially homeless but probably government assisted and totally wacko chick who wanders around on cherry street. she has character. she has charm. she's got charisma, baby. she also likes to talk to picket fences and commune with the foliage. not just sniffing the roses, but having a relationship with the shrubbery. hence, she's got a name. but why does she always have a to go cup in her hand? and for that matter, why do a lot of homeless people seem obsessed with to go cups? and why do i even care?
i should tivo people like our lady of the shrubs. i wish i could tivo shit out of life sometimes. i even tried to skip back ten seconds when i was listening to all things considered on npr yesterday. i'm a sick tivo-lution puppy. for those of you that don't get it, there is this fucking awesome function on tivo where you press one button and go back ten seconds and another where you can skip ahead thirty seconds. i can't tell you how many times i've seen the andrae montage on that reunion special of project runway. hey, don't judge. we all have our thing. megan understood me when i was noting how useful that would be in real life. then you could make some jerky windbag just get to the fucking point. like maybe sometimes me when i'm telling a boring story about how much i love the tivo.
so many thoughts, so little cheese. bah-bah-bah... bah-bah-bahrain. gotta go check the tivo (my new boyfriend) for the f1 race before the fans have a coronary. yes, that would include me as well.
3 comments:
all i wanted was a stinking piece of beef jerky. actually, i would have gone for the turkey jerky too. i wanted was a sample not a diatribe on how much residual income the founder of this particular jerky company makes. "IT CAN WORK FOR YOU TOO!" as i stood there wondering if anyone would notice if i simply slipped my arm past the man glorifying the jerky, grabbed the tongs and helped myself, i realized that i was planning my egress for the heist of a quarter-inch nub of jerky. sometimes crime just doesn't pay. now if it had been one of those long sticks...
megan... what the hell are you talking about???
nick and i went to the home and garden show last weekend. as we were walking i noticed a booth advertising different kinds of jerky. i wanted a piece. but the man behind the booth had an ulterior motive. he wanted to involve me in a multi-level marketing scheme. yes, there really is one involving the sale of beef jerky. so i was trying to figure out a way to steal some jerkey but there were too many witnesses.
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