move in time on our new place is the first week of april. i had to call nelson today to let him know we were moving out and he sounded like i just poked him in the eye with a lollipop. he was sad in a way, but happy for us. i'm going to miss those old coffin dodgers we have for landlords. it's nice to have new grandparents that love you. do they have people like that out in los angeles? eep.
derek and i were on the phone last night and he thanked me for being so calm through all of this moving stuff. that's great and all. now for the real stuff - i'm wigging out. yep. that pacing back and forth, eating candy by the handful, smoking like i'm on fire and swearing my ass off kind of endearing freaking out. you know... the me that i normally am to me. so it's rather amusing that my exterior seems so placid at the moment. it must be the hormones kicking in from my birth control shot. i think i got a special anti-wiggy dose last week. maybe i should just go around as stoic as possible and frighten people with serenity.
people find me intimidating. it's a blessing and a curse, of course. while it's easy to get things done when you scare the shit out of someone, it also sucks to hear them whining about how they wish they could just lay it out there like you do. it sucks because you start to feel like a fraud about being so supposedly confident. sheeeyat, i'm scared i'm filling out the label on my priority mail envelope wrong and it's gonna end up in costa rica. or texas. or just in mail purgatory. i jitter and fret. i find it difficult to end a sentence with a preposition. but then again, i have no qualms about embarrassing myself in a public place. is that what we call bold these days? it's what i call how i feel most of the time, but in a charming way. i have, let's say, neurotic quirks.
and then, i just laugh at myself for being so silly and promise to do better next time. ten seconds later, i have this conversation with myself all over again. tick tick tick. yep i'm having it again. maybe i'll just go put in my scala choir cd yet again and listen to little girls singing "i touch myself" until it passes. and eat cheese.
mmmmm, cheeeeeeeese.
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