her name wasn't in the program, so did she really graduate?

in any case, i suppose i thought that there has been more updates posted about this. oh wait! it was just all that typing i was doing to finish up the capstone thingy and some other nagging projects. it's all coming clear to me now. the writing haze has been over me, but not in the good way you one would hope for when it comes to writing.

so yes, the graduation was saturday afternoon. yes, the finals have all been turned in and they let me walk. it will be technically be a summer graduation for me, since i still have three credits in computer science to get cleared. for those of you that didn't know, i totally bombed on the computer proficiency exam i took for advanced credit. how???? i know, right? here's how:
1. i own a mac. i heart my mac. they don't. they only test on a pc. that right there should tell you how fucked i was when i even walked in the joint.
2. my computer has the old 2003 editions of the software from testing... that work just fine for my needs, thank you very much... in light of how techno-challenged i am to begin with.
3. derek is an excel master. therefore, i need not know a damn thing about it. and since when do they test over excel when they say the test will be all about internet shit and stuff like that?
4. no cheats, no help usage, no menus, no keyboard commands. they took away everything that people actually do use in the programs and then told you to get shit done. what. the. fuck. ever. dudes. bite me.
5. it was destiny.

so, now i have to take a computer concepts class beginning in about 8 hours. yes, i know i should be in bed by now. i ate a grilled cheese sammich and i feel too peppy to sleep at the moment. it's only a three week class and i'll be finished by the end of the month. maybe i'll even learn how to do bliggity blaggity bazoom with excel. in other clep news, i took a french language test on friday and managed to score six whole credits for a measly 72 bucks and only two hours of my time. it's hard to imagine that my retention from ages ago and my haphazard review skills added up to a win on that. sheesh, i'll take the testing mojo prize after the computer debacle. (no, seriously, the little man in the office told me i wasn't anywhere near even close to passing. i asked.) with that outta the way, i can concentrate on holding my breath until the next few weeks of computer dipshit hell is over. with, of course, me being one of the dipshits. maybe i can take on that old anthony michael hall role as king of the dipshits. hooray!

but i digress.

the graduation ceremony was just as boring as all the other graduation ceremonies. we did have a decent speaker who had fabulously fuzzy eyebrows of white. he spoke in an animated fashion and hopped all over the stage. gee, i suppose that sounds like we had mark twain, doesn't it? that's my story and i'm sticking to it. in discovering that my school actually does have an alma mater, which was printed on the program so we could figure out the words, i also discovered that it is sung to the tune of the kellerman's song at the end of dirty dancing. that being said, i simply could not resist the urge to belt out, "at kellllllllerman's the frinnnships last long aaaaazz the mowwwntains staaaaaannnnn!!!" perhaps the girl in the next row was annoyed. perhaps she's just never seen the movie. perhaps the song is a real song that i just happen to associate with my crazy eighties teen years. whatever. my peeps in my row almost peed with laughter and i managed to keep us all entertained on an otherwise stuffy occasion. hey, if you don't want me to sing movie tunes, don't pick the songs that go with them.

you're singing it right now, aren't you? especially that part where the older sister is jiggling around completely off key in her coconuts. i can hear you and want you to know that it's totally okay. it's my official graduation song, so you're in celebration with me every time you sing the song from now on... and please have the decency to shake your coconuts.

so they did have the money to print the kellerman's alma mater on the program. that must have been really expensive. like in a holy crap bankruptcy expensive kinda way. you can tell, because they forgot to print my fucking name in the program! did they run out of money for ink or what?!?! it happened to at least one other girl that i have confirmed in person so far, and she said that would make total four of us that she knew about from hearing the buzz. it was a moment that i wasn't sure whether to giggle or scream, so i howled with laughter just to cover all the bases. they left the psych honors society out of awards recognition (like the cum laude people and stuff) and they were hacked off. i smiled and said that at least they made it into the program, to which the girl sitting next to me burst into laughter and said how shitty my end of the stick was that day. everything in its perspective, we kept on texting our friends and family while simultaneously making snarky comments about random shit.

now, i don't wanna seem like a hard ass here, but would it have been so hard to get every graduate's name in the program? i mean, we did pay our grad fees and even wore those stupid fireproof gowns and hats. they managed to give out a posthumous degree to a kid who died during the fall semester. warning - this will sound really cold. so his brothers came on the stage and got a standing ovation for collecting a degree that he didn't even finish but had his name printed with the other graduates as having the thing completed. like because he was dead. yes, i get that it's hard to finish school when you're dead. meanwhile, i got no name in the program and had to sit in a hot expo center with a scoreboard above my head and horses outside. if you just said "what the fuck?" and yet laughed at my misfortune anyway, i salute you. life is a ridiculous thing, and apparently too difficult to get printed out in an accurate fashion. at least i was smart enough to bring a fan to the building we had to sit in on hard concrete that doubles as space for a basketball court. that's because i'm a college graduate.

if i send you a program as a souvenir, i promise to fill in my name with a crayon.

the real highlight of the day? we were on the way back home and spotted a ferris wheel on the side of the road next to a waffle house. no shit! it was some kind of redneck suburban hick town carnival day and the parking lot bewtween the waffle house and the dollar store must have seemed like an ideal place to sell five dollar cotton candy to families who have no concept of birth control. how awesome is that? it must have been my reward for attending such a boring function that, while they served greasy bbq beef and loads of fruit and cheeses at the reception, was mostly a snoozefest from hell. or in hell. my wrist is still sore from all that fan action.

derek whipped off the freeway and we promptly took a sickly sweet weekend afternoon ride on the ferris wheel together. it was nothing like the first time we rode a ferris wheel together, when a leather king was repeatedly snapping our photo while i squealed like a pig in our bucket, but that's another story. and yes, we did get some pictures of our feet while floating a gajillion feet in the air next to each other. after that, we met some friends for sweet corn tamales, fruity pico bites, and churros downtown. it was a happy afternoon in the end. mmmmm, squeeeeshy churros. nummy. funny how i seem to remember so many achievements by what foods i was eating at the time. this can only mean one thing. whenever i want something good to eat, i should get something done so i can celebrate.


still got shit to do:
i look a hot mess. made a hair appointment and i am really looking forward to getting my hair washed by another person. that's my favorite part.
sold the ikea sofa. aka the new sofa. (not the red couch!) the one from seattle that we bought just for visitors to have a place to sleep. feeling misty about that.
borrowed a book from a professor and now i have to drive it back out there to him. or i suppose i could just mail the damn thing away.
the show i'm in opens on friday - yay! the ones for the kids open the first weekend in june. it was nice to have one last day off from rehearsal for a while.
it's about time i took a vacation, isn't it?