dorky shit of note in june

you know you don't want the update of why i haven't written. nobody wants that lame ass crap, not even me. instead i'll give you the rundown on activities. here's a list of "la-dee-da, look at me i'm fabulous" things i've been doing over the last few weeks to keep myself entertained. the rating scale is one to five E's (sometimes big but sometimes little), based on how much fun i had doing it.

LA MOCA (museum of contemporary art) - E for the gallery, EEEE for the gift shop. museum gift shops have the coolest shit on earth when you need a special gift or want to have a smile. remember that next time you need a lift.

vidal sassoon academy haircut - EEee on the cut and style. although it was a class setting, which means it took three hours to go through the whole process, i still had fun. they paired me up, in some miraculous way, with the freakiest and dweebiest girl in the room. we practiced our bobby hill voices and talked shit about people in LA. a pretty good scalp massage and it was only 10 bucks to get all this done. only missing one E for the fact that i had to go all the way to santa monica for it.

pink's - EEE on the experience. it sucks standing in line for approximately three days (am i exaggerating or what?) for shitshack artery-clogging food, but you're willing to do it when shitty means good. i am fatter for even smelling the stuff here, and proud of it.

tom lutz/kristine mckenna - EEE for him, E for her. his book in doing nothing looks like fun, and he was pretty laid back for the lecture. i don't think she's cut out to be a moderator, but her interviews in print are good.

canter's - eeeee for the fact that they are open all night and have their own parking. even the bakery and deli are open all night. the table service doesn't suck quite so much as it does at most places in this city, but yes, it is still slow and sloppy. the people at the bakery counter seem to have pulled their heads out of their asses, though, so we picked up some rugulas and other stuff this weekend.

(a quick note on the parking thing - basically anyplace that has its own parking will get an extra E outta me. we make decisions about where to eat based more on the parking than anything else. if we pass by a joint and can't find any spots close, then we may never ever eat there. i'll probably miss out on a few places because of this, or just have to hit them at the right time... like when the moon is in the second house, and jupiter collides with mars.)

harvey pekar/robbie conal - EEE on the lecture part, EEEEE on the audience that attended to get their books signed. i even saw a mullet ot two in the crowd. yeah, so i was expecting more of the dork forest to come out and play that night, but so what? harvey pekar is dorky enough on his own.

coronado island (near san diego) - eeee on the view and the greek place where we ate, E on the stinging in my eyes. i'm pretty sure the hole in the ozone layer is beginning to move itself so as to center over southern california. ouch. where's ben stein with the eyedrops when you need him?

the really big sanrio gift gate at horton plaza in san diego - EEEEE! does anyone else out there think a hello kitty hair crimper totally rocks? fuck off, i had a good time being cute. the crimper didn't come home with us, but purchases were made; they had a lime green tank top with chococat on it IN MY SIZE!

pig barbecue off melrose - e, and they're lucky to get that much. the service was really nice, in comparison, but it was the worst food we've had since getting here. i'm pretty sure the alleged baked beans were refried rosarita canned stuff with onions and ketchup thrown in. let's not even talk about the rest, okay?

next up in my pop culture travels of southern california? perhaps the observatory or the zoo in griffith park. or maybe a trip to universal. i'll keep you updated on all the ham and cheese...