getting a good night's sleep again

okay, so i admit it. most of the days here since i've gotten back from tulsa have been fucking depressing. it's suckity suck su-hu-huck. little miss fussypants could be my new moniker. i've been as cheery as possible when writing only for the sake of not being a total bummer and whining incessantly. it's more important to me on here to find the amusing moments of the day to share with others. my glumness is boring even to me. nobody likes a whiner, as i have often been fond of saying.

so that's where i go when i've apparently disappeared: to my wallowing spot. like a pig in mud, right? oink oink oink. that said, let's move on.

i got fired yesterday! woooohooooo!!! yes, i've now gone through four - count'em, FOUR! - jobs in my short time here in hell. it's like wearing employment teflon, i tell you. mary says i should just go to a temp service and admit that i'm not ready to commit to anyplace in particular. i told her that i am my own temp service; only i haven't told that to any of my bosses yet.

wanna know the best part? i'm such a total badass that they couldn't even wait until friday afternoon like all the guidebooks tell you is going to happen. i got fired on a wednesday at noon. is that some rockin' shit or what? as for their reasons, i have been cited as a disruption. whatevahhh. probably true, but it's still amazing to get the axe in spite of doing zero-mistake, perfect production on your work. that's how cool this little chick can be. beh, office jobs and me just don't seem to get along in the end.

but but but oooooh! there is one story you have to know. it involves the dummmmmmmest trainer ever to roam the earth. really! tell me all about the worst trainers you've had, and i still think i can top them with this one. wendy the trainer is a racist mulatto native of the los suckeles area. she's addicted to health food and vitamin supplements because "they have no side effects" and has sunshine coming out of her ass. this would all be bad enough, but she's incompetent on top of it. being in the same room with wendy makes one physically ill, stripping all iq points in the process. are you feeling it now? it gets better.

we were training on how to code an order based on the country when the bottom fell out of the barrel on wendy's stupidity. i asked about how to code when a country is known by more than one name. "what are you talking about? what do you mean?" was her helium-voiced response. you all know i'm talking about (among others) england, right? of course you do. you're smart people. after stating what i had thought to be the obvious answer, she asked me what other names people used for england. although i was more than a little stunned by the question, i mentioned great britain and the united kingdom. "oh no, united kingdom is their continent," she said in all earnestness.

we have all encountered people this stupid, but it's always a shock to me that they're allowed to roam about with no supervision, not even a shock collar. i was forced to whip around and tell her, "NO. the continent is europe." she looked puzzled and uttered another "whaaat?" as if i were the idiot. "england is on the continent of europe," i repeated with clarity. "well, i know they're in the european union, but still-" she started.

"that's because england is part of europe. that's the continent. EUROPE." truly, i should have resisted the grand opportunity to fully show off wendy's incompetence, but it was just too fucking sweet to hold back, and the other two people in training were getting a kick out of her attempts at a power struggle based in ignorance. it was noted that i should just put england in as the country, but that blows had been struck. the gauntlets, and i DO mean to use the plural here, had been thrown. i seem to be well-equipped with a gauntlet for every occasion when it comes to someone like wendy the dumbass trainer.

just think - this person is the one showing others how to do their jobs. she has the responsibility of teaching, and she can't even remember her own training schedule, let alone be bothered to look at a map of the world. it was a pleasure getting fired from her reign of terror. we can all be reasonably sure that the only reason i kept going back was so that i could get paid to intimidate/scare her on company time. i certainly don't miss having insomnia and then getting up at the buttcrack of dawn so i could be to the office by seven.

they paid me for all day wednesday. it's nice to know that i was still on the clock later on in the afternoon as i chatted with veronica and got ready for my a job interview that had been scheduled even before i found out i was getting tossed. so let's all start the betting pool on a whole new job! hehehhehehe... i haven't been this irresponsible in quite some time. would it be bad of me to say that i'm having some fun with it? it's not that i don't want to find a job i can keep, though. it'll happen sooner or later. the job just hasn't found me yet.

in thinking it over, i've decided that mary and i are split winners in this pool. (i had myself down for a week and she'd though two.) i'll have to find a bauble to suit both of our tastes and buy two of them so i can send one to her. this sounds like a great time for some of our famous matching underwear! or socks! maybe i can go to target during a slow time, say around mid morning, and take a lookey lookey.

after all, i am unemployed.