grrr, grrr, roar

the past week has been... oh, how should i say it?

have you ever been driving over a hill on a dark country road and suddenly the bottom drops out? you have no warning before your stomach hits your throat like a rollercoaster ride, and for a moment you think you fell off a cliff towards your fiery, painful death. when the moment of shock passes you think, "that was really pretty fun. let's do it again now that we know how it goes!" oh right, once you know how to navigate a bumpy road it's all good. before you figure out how to hit the bumps just right, you think for sure you're going to die with no underwear on your ass and mustard in your hair. (everyone's had mustard in their hair at one point or another. don't try to act like you're more coordinated than i am.) all this to say that my week was one fucking dark and bumpy redneck, back woods, deliverance-on-the-banjo country road.

but i didn't die. i know how to navigate the bumps of the week now - the ones from this week. pretty soon it's a whole new game all over again. until then, i'll be happy about my new library card and that i passed my test to transfer my license. driving legally is at least better than being held up in traffic, even more than the usual waiting, because you're being arrested for an expired license. my bit of joy also sounds better than the fucking pile of emotional muck i've been shuffling through as my depression has gone on full throttle. veronica is emotional bulimic, yes, but i've been busy on this end wading the swamp of poopiness with no shoes or vaccinations. we've all got our own talents.

woe to me.

i could promise to try and make the best of it here or some shit like that, but that just wouldn't be like me. piss on things being only as good as you make them. down with looking at the bright side. to hell with all that rosy shit. the best way i know how to get out of a sucky depression is anger. full on rage and spite. it's good cardio and way more invigorating than trying to fucking get happy. pissiness is worth more self help than a gajillion inspirational sayings. woohooo! i'm motivated now, baby!!!

anger can be so totally zen when you let it work for you.