gradually moving in

this place is very slowly starting to look like we live here. not just like someone lives here, but like it's us. pictures have been hung and the magnets are taking over on the fridge. nooks and crannys are beginning to be filled with things to remind me of the people i like. we got a new flippy table from ikea yesterday to attach to one of the walls. the living room is still a mess filled with random shit, but the kitchen is finally starting to come together. we got new tile and molding in this weekend, courtesy of the new landlord. he also fixed our dishwasher. i hope it works now, since before it had a lot of "personality" to it. having a dishwasher and a garbage disposal makes me feel spoiled rotten.

did i mention that derek got yet another new shower head? we now own three! it looks like the search for the good shower has finally come to a resting point. it shoots me in the head like a tattoo needle and i can finally get clean without scraping several layers of skin off with one of my infamous scrub brushes. it's not like our old place, but it's not so bad and it will have to do for now.

the train ride to my new job is fairly okay, and beats the shit out of driving all the time. weekends are for driving, when it's like a real city on the road. there's a herd of ipod people on the train, me being among them, and a lot of reading going on. tonight i'm going to figure out how these podcast thingies work so i can hear some npr on the way to work while i flip through some hip novel or hot new piece of nonfiction. i am soooooooo smart. s-m-r-t.

not to alarm anyone here, but i don't smoke in the house anymore. it began as an experiment while we were first moving in and has turned into a sort of habit. (p.s. - this was my own idea and not derek's, just in case you were wondering. he thinks it's nice and all, but it doesn't make much difference to him. just needed to clarify before you thought i was turning stepford on you.) not that i'm going to be militant about it; if i need to wander through the living room for a second, then whatever. i haven't gone all born again freak or anything crazy like that. it's just, since i don't have to walk down the stairs and sit on a gravel hump of a porch area to get outside, it's easy to just step out onto the porch and hang out in my little chair with a book. this is a case where the weather also plays a good role, now that i don't have to worry that it'll be either 10 or 100 degrees when i get out there. i suppose california can have at least one good use.

the weather is great... all the time. this will be terrific in the summertime, when it's like a steam room at home. this will start to eat away at my sanity as i realize there are no seasons and no snow and no way to measure the passing of time here. the evenings here are are my favorite, when it suddenly turns into jacket weather. sleeves are an important component to my wardrobe, unlike most of the stick figure dipshits out here. on a side note, i also own actual shoes, not just those fucking thongs. fucking thongs!!! we really saw a girl this week who was wearing a satin and taffeta dress out to a club with thongs! being no fashion maven myself, i can hardly judge, but i do have some decorum. is she going to melt if she wears some damn cute strappy sandals with her get-laid outfit? oh but wait, i was talking about the weather. i was complaining the other day that it was too damn hot outside, only to find out it was only 90 degrees. this made me feel like some sort of los angeles fuckwad until i realized that i would complain about 90 degree weather no matter where i was. sheesh, i would complain about most anything over 80 degrees given the chance, so i'm relieved to realize that i am still me.

most of the time i realize that i am still me. i'm not adjusting to life out here very well. i hate the people, the traffic sucks, and the food tastes weird. quite often i find myself giving it one more chance in the hopes that it will adjust to me rather than the other way around. as i say when people ask me about culture shock, "i've always found that it's better to give than to receive." the fact is, i don't want to adjust to life out here. i'd rather be surly and sarcastic about things while retaining my human dignity than just get used to the rampant tunnel vision i see going on. i'm starting to be less and less fazed when people give me "that look" while i'm babbling. i'm getting used to having friends i only talk to via other outlets than in person. if someone happens to get along with me then that's wonderful, but i just don't have any attachments and i'm okay with that.

it's not even that i'm really alone. i spend plenty of time chatting up a stranger on the street or talking about nothing with people at work. most of the time, i'm just pumping them for information about things to do in los angeles so when my friends pass through town i'll know where to take them. i've never been good at making new friends. it's a lot of work for me. i mostly just stare oddly and have no idea of anything remotely nicey-nice to say in conversation, being excellent at alienating people by accident with my strong opinions and then deciding they had too weak a stomach for me anyway. it's a wonder i ever meet anyone new, simply because it's so damn exhausting, but i luck upon one now and then.

speaking of how life is so not like it is in the movies, moving sucks. there are too many pitfalls and unexpected expenses. you have to learn the rules all over again. you have no idea where to put your tchotchke shit. moving has more kinks than a bad perm from a rinkydink beauty school. it's all about the things you don't know, and how to fix them in a way that doesn't fuck with you too much. can't we just edit to the next scene here or what? i'm bored with this scene and need a musical montage instead. mary is with me on this one!

so i'm moving in, but i still don't live here. it's hard to tell where i live anymore. i'll let you know when i get there.