29 December 2010

what i did with my summer vac-- oh wait, it's winter? never mind.

some days it becomes apparent that my life should read like a series of incredibly fabulous tabloid headlines and the like. but then, i also think that everyone should take some time to convert their own life into a media circus o' cultural sensation. i can't be the only one who is down with this sort of silly behavior.

i mean, really - doesn't this sound exciting? you need the media frenzy of your own pimped out press standards, i bet. or maybe that's just me. nahhhhh - if this were your life, you might pop out of bed every morning so that you could extra!extra!read all about it! with your morning coffee:

contortionist sits in seat next to huge people. amazing!

sunday, SUNday, SUNDAY!!! blizzard strikes house filled with people who have nowhere to go anyway. no one reacts except for person who actually had to be somewhere.

people sit and stare, hypnotized by wine and shiny things. where will this strange phenomenon strike next? where will YOU be when it happens?

girl goes into snow with no shoes - declared nutball by standards of people who are damn cold... i mean freezing, damnit.

how many calories can one household ingest? film at eleven.

studies show that new england drivers can't drive worth a shit. and furthermore, they like to open the car door and step out with traffic coming. wtf?

psychic states obvious... duh.

twitter abuse runs rampant! see the photos on twitter!!!

are YOU cultured? find out with this handy quiz...

bipolar man with beagles speaks warmly to out of town visitors, then goes batshit crazy on stupid lady who hits his car while parking. visitors support protest.

dogs and cats found to increase life of those who love them.

mailbox vandalizes mail. oh, the humanity!

slide on ice results in near busted-ass fall for local girl. we'll give you all the details, AND tell you how she managed to avoid certain doom, later on tonight.

giant macaroni and cheese set to take over eastern seaboard.


see there, you know you wanna take your week and turn it into a trashy magazine made for the inane entertainment of others. after all, inquiring minds want to know. wow, did i just show my age there or what? damn, i think i need some magazines now. one more stop at the airport should do me up fine for now.


accessory lesson of the day:
uh, don't listen to me. listen to coco chanel.

4 comments:

derek said...

SRSLY! one of your best posts :)

Karen! said...

Now I want macaroni and cheese... :(

Vee said...

I agree with Derek. This one reminds me of Body Wars. Sketch. Oh indeed. No twinkie...Mac n Cheese. Are your pants zipped?

Vectrexer said...

Winter Again??