even though i always hate everything, there really are things i like today

if you haven't checked out the other blog by kris, known as in the kitchen with audrey, you should see the fun on it. i'm glad she's teaching the kids to be so self-sufficient, but always willing to ask for help as well, right from the start. and to boot, even someone like me could get a cooking lesson from a toddler. if audrey can make it, so can i. go take a look.

the style of my show is not what people expected, or at least i don't think it is. in any case, taking the ho-hum seriousness out of it and adding some goofy to the mix has been a great time. i've also gotten a few compliments on my directing style in the process, which always makes me feel as if i've done my job. see, no matter what else happens, we are supposed to have some fun doing a play. yes, art is fun! i hate it when people take these things too seriously and spoil the enthusiasm part of it. so we've been having a laugh with each other and i've left the nerd patrol (my first crew that is all boys. how weird is that?) in charge for the rest of the time. if we can achieve that and get the technical elements in place, i assume everything can fall into place pretty easily.

my new doodle book from bonnie makes me smile. it's a gracious distraction from my studies and the fear of truly fucking up my senior capstone project. hell, i haven't even figured out what the capstone thing is supposed to be yet. can i be graded on an assignment that involves nothing but my ignorance as to its content and requirements? maybe i should do a project on the merits of drawing funny faces and butterflies.

speaking of creating things, both merin and mary are gung ho back into the knitting. i like this for a couple of reasons. first, i would never have the patience to knit but squeezing fuzzy, fluffy yarn has long been a secret love of mine. i dream of how it can take shape, but only dare to touch it lovingly and then hand it off to a real knitter. second, it's easy to admire something that seems magical to you. when i see other people create, it makes me feel like there's something out there for me to create, too. doesn't matter that it isn't yarn or textiles, so long as i can see the possibility of a new thing.

yes, i can be happy for someone else's successes. truly and without jealousy excited for them. i've learned that's not something everyone can do. that's not to say that i don't get a twinge of envy when i'm in need of some small triumph myself, but it's reassuring to know that possibilities lurk in wait for the right owner. that must today's theme - possibility. and it does happen to be one of my favorite words. i might even like it more than sammiches or chickens or blah-bitty-blah. prolly not more than fucker or kerfuffle, but those are hard to beat. you gotta say fuckers... oh, and bitches. such a satisfying roll of the tongue for each of those. bitches and fuckers. and possibility. that's me.

the weather is absolutely perfect this week! hovering somewhere between the low 60's and the high 20's, it's a gorgeous january. not only can i layer clothing to my heart's content, looking like a snake shedding its skin as the day goes on, but i can parade around in my festival of jackets and scarves every evening. i would like to order this up for august, please. ever wonder why i actually lose weight more easily in the winter? it's because i actually want to go outside and do stuff! i'll let my skinny brother freeze his bony butt off happily so that i don't have to feel like a sweaty sausage. nyah nyah nyah... i've got the windows open!

derek and i get to model for a photo shoot this week. ryan is doing some project based on famous paintings and asked us to be in it! how cool is that? if i'm lucky she'll give us a copy to hang in our fledgling art collection. she did tell me she would make something for my birthday when she got the inspiration, and this seems like a good gift. ooooh, and derek's birthday is next week, so it's perfect timing.

i'm reflecting on my teaching assignment from last week at an alternative school. maybe a few of the kids totally hated me, but i'm willing to bet from the response i got that almost all of them were into it. the in-house teacher i was working with gave me terrific support and even asked if i was interested in teaching as a career, which was another huge compliment. she's the type that all the kids there seem to respect, so hearing that from her mouth let me know i was on the right track. i hope they liked the arts unit from last week enough to at least think about it and gain some confidence. a few of them even surprised me with what they could do, which is always a great thing. i love surprises.


podcasts this week:
studio tulsa
planet money
the moth
today in the past
totn opinion page