i can't believe i didn't make anyone cry

well, the show in owasso is over and done with and it turned out to be a success! apparently, we broke their box office record. the audience was quite responsive overall. the board members said they saw a lot of new faces in the crowd, and we even scored a sizable red hat ladies group at our matinee. all i care about is if the people involved enjoyed themselves. as our producer put it, "we're at a level where if we can't make this a fun experience for people, then what's the point of doing it?" i heartily agree. hopefully the group can get their own space in the future, because it looks like the program is on the way to some decent growth.

normally, i'm known for making at least one person on any given production cry before it's all said and done. it's almost a joke at this point and i'm sure to warn everyone of it at auditions. i flash a wry grin and announce that i'm a really mean bitch, also telling them about how much of a potty mouth i am. it would seem that no one even pays attention to it anymore, just laughing off the possibility that there will be a night they go home thinking i hate them. maybe this kind of reverse psychology is starting to work. i used to hear cries of "george HATES me!" in the distance. now i explain to them that no, i'm not mad - this is my real voice. this is just how i sound when i talk. you'll know it when i get mad for real.

maaaaan, i kinda miss when people were scared of me.

oh sure, there is the occasional shit-talker who didn't take me seriously when i declared that i have certain expectations of my cast and crew. there is the initial surprise after the first time i snap at a cast to shut the hell up for a minute. but in general, they get my dry sarcasm and olympic-rated bitching, mostly finding my temper a source of entertainment.

then there are those times when i do make people cry. it's only issued as a warning in auditions because i do it unintentionally. they're having a bad day, i'm having a bad day, someone is on their period, the moon is full, or maybe we're all just frustrated for some reason. whatever it is, i have that special gift of sending a person scurrying off to the washroom for a tearful moment. that person is usually a kid. i've even been nominated as the teacher at camp most likely to make little kids cry. i took it as a sign of love, of course. during the last session, the kids adored challenging me, with one of my faves belting out, "you can't break me!" on a daily basis. another pair who swore they would never crack took to shielding themselves with photos of sofia copolla in an effort to break me down.

(side note: in case you didn't know, i absolutely detest sofia's movies. those of you who like her can suck it. as a lover of both lushly goofy films and historically inaccurate biopics, i felt personally mind raped after seeing marie antoinette. i want my two hours back! so, in order to not say fuckers or shithead in front of a broader audience, i've taken to screaming out "sofia copolla!" as an alternative way of swearing while in public. it confuses the hell out of most people, but it's got an intensely satisfying physical release to it. i would suggest that others find a similar method of expressing frustration in polite society. i would be infinitely fascinated to hear what term they use.)

inevitably, my special tear-jerking gift gets activated when i least expect it and we all watch someone make their mad dash out of my sight line. when this happens, it takes all my composure not to run away myself. okay, so maybe i do run away when given the chance - i've been known to bolt into a scene shop in my time. but do i still wear it as a badge of honor? yes i do. it's like a calling card that wards off the shock of my abrasive personality.

on saturday night when we were loading out the remaining set pieces from the performance space, i wondered how we'd gotten through the past two months with no tears. then, at the last minute, of of my little set crew monkeys started to get misty. she was the youngest one helping us out, only seven, and her mom told her it was all over and time to go. she clung to mommy's leg and started to heave out little breaths while her face changed to a bright pink. i'm hoping she was just exhausted and ready for bed, because she looked like she was gonna lose it before they even got to the car. on the other hand, i hope she doesn't freak out every night when she gets tired. i quickly said goodbye to my tiny monkey and thanked her for all of her help. she gave me a feeble wave and hobbled away.

see there!?! such an incident gives the me sudden urge to go recheck the dressing rooms for trash so that i have a reason to exit. i mean, i guess the making people cry thing isn't always from something horrible, which is a relief, but it's just one of those things i'm really good at in the end. please tell me there's some health benefit to it. like maybe it's a de-bloating thing from letting go of all that salt, right? sure! it's a cardio weight loss mechanism leading to a better america for all of us. and it's free! in these hard economic times, i must be improving the lives of everyone i meet by turning them into piles of blubbering blobs. but i myself never cry at the mere sight of sofia copolla, just so you know. she won't break me!


today's hell on earth:
writing a research proposal for school