food in a tube and why i hate faux-feminism

nothing much going on around here this week. i'm trying to get back into my groove at work and home after our little break with tim and mary. (yes tim, i did have a good time playing rock band... mostly on the drums, because the flying sticks were hilarious.) it's too bad we missed the snow! we had a mild sleet in my neck of the woods last night, but it didn't even freeze long enough to hit the ground.

right now i'm preparing for another audition - third time is a charm, right? - and lolling about at my desk while trying to digest the biggest breakfast burrito ever made. even after consuming only half of it, i am absolutely stuffed. the blue dome diner is very interested in making you full and should provide a napping spot following every meal. the place would look like that episode of the boondocks with the luther. i heart burritos.

the strangest thing happened on the elevator in my building. i had taken derek out to run errands and do some shopping for his upcoming birthday. the whole day was spent doing some serious boosting to the economy. (is that patriotic or what?) we got him a new dvd player, some speakers for his computer, and the requisite box of fruity pebbles. as we got into the elevator, there was a fifty-ish looking woman blocking the way. we squeezed in with her and derek politely asked if she could please punch our floor's button. there was no way we could've reached it because she was taking up half the elevator with her big coat and purse. she sighed meaningfully and pushed the button.

i was carrying most of the electronics load and some target bags. he had been holding the door for me and only had a couple of bags in hand. he asked if i wanted him to take any of it and i said i was fine because it wasn't heavy at all. fifty-ish woman then made a grunt of "hmph" and glared at derek. apparently she didn't realize that the elevator is mirrored and i could see her making faces at him behind his back. when she turned and caught sight of me making the "what the fuck is your problem?" face at her, she looked down at her feet.

she got off the elevator first. derek and i stepped out of the way to let her and the coat and purse shove past us. "don't ever do too much for him," she snarled to me on the way out. i just smiled and replied, "oh i could never do too much for him!" after that she muttered something approximating how i was making her sick and shuffled away. derek stepped back into the elevator with a look of QUOI and i chuckled while i gave him a kiss on the cheek. yes, he did open the door for me when we got home. he even took everything out of my hands for me and let me go pee first.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?!

just because she was bitter and alone is no reason to be a total cunt to my boyfriend. i happen to like him! just because it would've been harder to hand over the speakers with her taking up more than her fair share of elevator space, she suddenly gave herself the right to tell me what i can and cannot carry on my own. where is she when i have a load of groceries and i'm trying to open the front door to the building with my pinky?

i've always enjoyed telling people that i have a feminist on one shoulder and a chauvinist on the other. now i know why. she was in some serious need of a bitch slap. i mean, really. sofia coppola, what the crap?! it's no small wonder that chicks are seen as psychotic. honestly, we kind of are total loony birds, but mostly not to that extent. i think.

i'm just glad i don't have to be her. ugh, what a shiver of disgust the mere thought of it brings to me. i have a new dvd player that i didn't even have to hook up, AND have been offered to share in the fruity pebbles splendor. maybe later i'll parade around the house some more in my new underpants (a gift from derek because he though i would look cute in them) with the box of cereal making chicken-ninja noises. oh yes, i could never do too much for him.


goofy web thingies:
the wayback machine internet archive
smell club japan
seth macfarlane's cavalcade of cartoon comedy