random side notes - chapter eighteen

let me begin today by regretfully informing my peeps of shocking news. i am an asshole. wait... how shocking could that truly be? so here's what - i haven't called anyone in days. there's no telling the last time i even turned my ringer on. i haven't written one single postcard in the past couple of weeks. my time has been spent alone for the most part. even when i do leave the house, it's to do something in the dark. the effort of dealing with people is too much for me. derek lives here, yes, but we've been like passing ships in the afternoon. my closest buddy as of late has been stuart copeland. note to self: must rejoin the land of the living. must get out of hard crunchy shell.

i love pop music. there. i said it and i'm not ashamed. in fact, it's hard for me to even muster up the urge to feel the shame! irrevocably bad taste (in most cultural things, not just music) is becoming my symbolic badge of honor. how gloriously awful is it that i bought ingrid michaelson's latest cd AND am feeling a strange itch to go see nick and norah's infinite playlist? i'm on a campaign to bring cheesy up to the respectable level of awesome kitsch wonder. it's just like justin timberlake, only i'm bringing tacky back.

are you still my friend? are you dancing in your "i hope no one sees me in these" pj's in anonymous solidarity with me? i knew it. rock on, baby.

is it really possible that i took three naps in one evening? each time i awoke tonight, i would wander through a different part of the house and then pass out again. the next thing i knew it was fast approaching what should be my bedtime. now i'm wide awake and have to be at work in six hours. if not for the fact that i have rehearsal after that, i would really consider just staying up all night and drinking coffee. i enjoy being awake at night.

do you ever just sit around and feel like screaming? me too.

the election is coming and i'm almost sad it will be over soon. i'm holding my breath for the outcome - one can never be overconfident after the last two debacles - but also feel like i've been whipped into a strange frenzy that has my senses heightened. it's. almost. exciting. i think. maybe. don't worry, i'm still a totally jaded eye roller. that's not the sort of excitement i meant. it's more intangible than that. perhaps more the feeling you get when watching a roulette wheel in a casino. even if you didn't have the money to bet, it's still worth keeping your fingers crossed for the other poor bastards out there. yes, jaded, but still holding out hopes that the house doesn't win every single time.

my ever-changing work schedule is partly the cause of my ever-changing sleep schedule. the orther part is my own irresponsibility in getting to bed on time. those close to me are skeptical that i can keep this up without going insane. they must not remember that i like to live on my toes. in my younger days, back when i lived with one or the other of my parents, i could only be myself when i would sneak out of the house for a walk in the middle of the night. no small wonder that i had to be a speed freak pill popper just to get the through each day. naps were frowned upon back then as laziness; at least now i can pass out on the sofa without being judged. it's harder to stay up all hours knowing that i have to drag my ass out of bed and get to work, but the payoff of being in my own house and having a pumpkin cupcake for breakfast is worth the trade off.

pimples under the skin... cruel act of nature, or karma for something really painful i've done to someone else? yeeee-owwzer this thing hurts. i'm not touching it. i just touched it again. i'm not going to touch it again. ouch. this could be a good time for a fake mole (the brown eyeliner pencil sort) to appear above my lip.


really random fact about me:
you'll notice me humming before i do