random side notes - chapter twenty

welcome to my hiatus! errr, i mean, back from another hiatus. i don't even remember where i was last month. there was cleaning, and a show, and some random thrift store shopping. other than that, i've managed to remain quite boring. in a good way.

drama at work! we are now operating with as little labor cost as possible. sure, sometimes we get lucky and actually have five or six people there at once! mostly it's down to just a few of us at a time. angry customers out front and threats from higher up make it a ridiculous place to be, but i do like the people i work with there. the job itself is okay. i'm learning to just make a face of "quoi?" at the absurd demands and laugh when someone starts yelling at me for no real reason. while i may sometimes have the tendency to blow things up, i'm not actually kidding this time. real yelling - one customer even threw things with an overhanded flourish. my hours are up and down, but i remain calm. an exit plan is ultimately in place for the future.

the show went pretty well, with the exception of having to cancel on night during the snow... which was all gone from the streets by call time anyway. grrrr. oh well, whaddaya gonna do, right? i received much adulation (mostly for being able to memorize quickly and think on my feet) and even a few gifts of adoration. overall i was pleased with how things turned out, though it's always easier to nitpick myself for the things i could've done better. at least i got many compliments on my makeup skills!

here comes a moment of shame: i'm enthralled with a show on the style channel. ever seen "clean house" and wonder what kind of crap you need to get out of your home? i have. many times lately. believe me, liz, there's more stuff where the chicken plates came from! anyone need an oversized white board? tivo got so confused about my compulsive need to see how messy other people are that he's started picking out more bizarre things for me on the same channel. perhaps i should keep my bad taste in television shows down to a lower roar.

"local only lent" has some unexpected side effects.
1. linsey is about to beat me to a pulp to induce me into a target shopping trip. she's laid down a mandate that WE ARE GOING there on sunday for a binge.
2. shopping has become a more thoughtful act for me. see, when you have to consider every place where you shop or eat over the course of several weeks, you start to consider how much shopping you should really be doing.
3. derek has expressed an absolute hatred of thrifting, garage sales, and all secondhand shopping. he likes secondhand goods, but can't stand the digging.
4. every (larger) place i used to shop seems to be having really terrific clearance sales that all end before easter. oh well. guess i didn't need another pair of socks. bonnie seems to be my new sock dealer anyway. AND she's buying local from her area!
5. i'm more likely to look for different/cheaper/free things for entertainment. this seems to be like some crazy change taking over my whole lifestyle. by making my consumer world smaller, the rest of my world has gotten bigger. let's see if i can still hack it without having to be at rehearsal every night.
6. i'm addicted to braum's.

my reward after lent was supposed to be a new pogo camera. unfortunately, the release of them has been put off until june. sigh... should i celebrate with some shoes instead? promise i'll only buy them on sale, truly! i gave my theatre donations before derek lost his job, but i could stand a little more do-gooding. maybe i'll make donations for all those birthdays coming up in the next few weeks. that is, after i've done some major shopping to see if there's anything else out there to get for them.

dizzy is doing quite well. she runs to the kitchen each night and happily swallows the heart pills derek gives her in exchange for a follow-up of treats and overindulgent praise. if only she'd been so gracious with me, i wouldn't have had to wear multiple band aids on my hands that first day. (and i can give anything a pill, or so i thought) she is so totally derek's little princess. some evenings she just sits on his lap and gazes at him with utter cute-face. "i love you, derek. to all the rest of you - he's mine!" great. now will you listen to him and stop pooping on the bathroom floor right next to the box?!?

polenta lasagna rocks! it's way squishier than pasta lasagna.

i'm so proud of mary for saying no to me. that's not an easy task, especially when i really know how to sweeten the pot. maybe i should send her parents a thank you card for going on vacation at such a perfect time. it may have been the final straw that made her decision, and it's been paying off for her ever since. jenny was awesome in the part, you know, so i got like a twofer bonus out of the deal. now i'm just jealous about some of mary's recent excursions, as i've never been on any kind of skates that didn't involve my head hitting a very hard surface with a resounding crack.

speaking of my head, i've now been on the meds since last fall. it would be safe to say that the results are shockingly good. shocking, as in i can't believe i'm still on them. good, as in the shame of it has worn off and been replaced by relief. if you tell people you're on medication, they're never really sure whether or not to think you're just kidding. once they realize you're serious AND you think it's hilarious? they tell you what they've taken before! it's like a preemptive strike on making yourself feel like a fucking freak. in honor of the waning lent it should be called de-stigmata. look, jesus - no holes!

odd things i've done this month:
lost ten pounds while eating absolutely everything
been on television and not sounded like a dufus, i think
received a portrait of me as a superhero
more sidney poitier impressions
rode in a cool girl-powered rickshaw in exchange for a two dollar bill, a bag of popcorn, and a raspberry fruit rollup

blogiversary!

i just realized it's been three years since i started doing this. holly, you are still an inspiration me me... even if i haven't written anything embarrassing about you lately. maybe i'll have to change that. surely we can beat the stupid hilarity of last month's measurement taking session. what more can we learn from wikihow? those instructions are a real scream.

good news and bad news:

i got the lead in a play! i've been promoted from understudy as of this week and am diligently working on my lines. with just under three weeks until opening it's a bit of a rush, but nowhere near as bad as it could have been if this had occurred with only days to go. i should be grateful that i don't have to panic. the rest of the cast is being helpful to me and the project looks to be enjoyable. now, which shoes will i wear?

princess dizzy has fallen ill. she was fine over the weekend during book club, but by monday morning we started to notice that she was acting out of sorts. she was lethargic and wheezing. on tuesday we took her to the vet and got her looked over, waiting to see what might be wrong. yesterday she got an ultrasound and the doctor informed us that she has heart problems. she's cleaned herself incessantly today and did finally eat on her own again, so we're hoping for more progress over the coming week.

vee sent me some crazy socks this week to keep me in good spirits. how i adore wearing knee highs! i've fallen into a bizarre skirt phase. not one in which a wear skirts that look bizarre, but a period that sees me in skirts and dresses way more often than i've worn them in the past. these socks will be terrific to don with a cute little skirt. they're a green argyle-ish with shamrocks. guess i now have something bright to wear for st. patrick's day that will make everyone else jealous.

the munny speakers are fabulous. derek took pictures along the way during construction, so i hope he posts a few of them soon. and hats! they have cute little hats! EEE!

derek is, as many of you already know, a casualty of the current economic downturn and newly unemployed. though it's only been a week, i suspect he already bored. his munny speaker project is complete. he's been taking care of dizzy and trying to keep himself occupied. am i the breadwinner this week or what? wait a minute. he's actually going to get an unemployment check! you know you're a real grownup when you can actually file for "help me for it was not my fault" money after an employer kicks you to the curb.

a couple more people at my job got fired this week. tomorrow i'm going in to cover for someone and will get to see how bad it's getting around there. the only reason i've stayed thus far is for the insurance. my medication doesn't come cheap and it's worth putting up with some bullshit (for now) in order to save money. how much longer that will last - or how much longer i have a job - is still up for speculation. the mere thought of looking for a new job makes my shoulders get tense and my nose wrinkle. it's humiliation galore; like being on a blind date with someone who's not even going to feed you, yet still dares you to be interesting enough to catch their attention. ick.


household items i heart today:
my truly awesome stick-vac
dental floss
pillows, pillows, pillows
the basil plant, which is STILL alive
scrub brushes for exfoliating
packing tape, of course

secular lent

even though i'm not a catholic anymore, i enjoy the challenge of lent. it's a time of year where i set a goal for myself and then end with a reward. at times when disappointing things are going on around me - such as derek losing his job - it's a great excercise in restraint and payoff. this year i'd like to look at getting a new digital camera (polaroid pogo!) and figure if i can hold off for a while, the purchase will feel more worth it in the end.

let's see... been curbing my impulse buys when i go out. been getting more things used. been eating at home more. been devouring spinach and avocados by the truckload. (i refuse to give up avocados for lent - it's a challenge, not torture!) been taking my medication and not throwing so many tantrums. in fact, i've been strangely pragmatic in general as of late.

so my new challenge? shopping local only. no chain store or internet buys until after easter. it might not sound like a big sacrifice for me, as i currently support many local businesses, but i assure you i'm already feeling the strain on day one. perceived loss is always greater than real loss, remember? thinking ahead, it's only a matter of time before i take that familiar turn into that familiar lot and realize i can't go into that familiar store.

no more target! au revoir, mon ami... boo hoo, sniff sniff. it's my biggest corporate weakness. i can forgo the sale jeans at the gap and the random sundries at big craft stores, but target is hard to give up. is that weird? maybe it's the endcaps of happy clearance products. maybe it's the weird dollar section at the front of the store. maybe it's the socks. whatever the case, i can rattle off a whole shopping list of things i "need from target" now that i've put myself on restriction. will i crack in the end? arrgghhhh!!!

of course, last year i took the money i was going to spend on a new pair of vogs (it was a no new clothing ban, to keep me from impulse buying super fancy shoes) and gave it all away to nonprofits in the area right after easter. perhaps i can humble myself in the same way this year. i found that waiting to make an extravagant purchase led me to thinking of all the other things i could be doing with that cash. those fucking spring fund drives get me every time. it must be my leftover inappropriate catholic guilt being activated.

there is good news to balance out my target loss. quiktrip is local. ladonna's is local. steve's and southern agriculture are right next door to each other. several other places i already shop on a regular basis are local. my oh my, there's always the thrift store on half price day! see how i'm helping my peeps with this pledge? it's all about stimulus, baby.

in other financial news, i'm trying to live on more of a cash diet overall. having to scrounge in my bag for an extra dime really makes me think about where my money goes. instead of being in a panic about the economy and our jobs, i've got more of a "suck it up" attitude. we've had it so much worse before and there's no use in being chicken little. (though i am partial to chickens...) instead i will sit home and watch the movie chicken little while gluing random things together. that's entertainment!


what i hate most this week:
those endless forms in online applications
listening to the news
keeping my mouth shut at rehearsal
waiting...

"it doesn't matter what kind you have..."

cat update: mr. bubbas is self-petting with the front of my left shoulder while purring away like a chainsaw. stuart copeland has his face burrowed into my right elbow as if the world is too bright for him. princess dizzy is sitting on the new rug a few feet away, staring in contempt of the boys' neediness. it's hard to type with two cats on your desk and a third passing judgment nearby. on with the show!!!


after my job interview, i started doing research to figure out what's going on with my college degree. i knew i was close, but just how close would probably make some people sick with "oh just finish it already!" syndrome. my guess was correct: one heavily loaded semester? maybe two at part time? go ahead and shoot me now. i got too busy with my shop and theatre projects and other things that were more engaging than school.

so now i'm left with an almost-completed degree that should be done by now and people telling me how there are consequences to my actions and still not much desire to ever write another paper. school papers are often graded by weight. (this many pages is an A, this many is a B, and so on...) how is it going to do anyone any good for me to count the number of pages i write in an attempt to get an education? and furthermore, if i can find a loophole - changing to a bigger font, ridiculously massive block quoting, taking a lower grade in place of writing a paper - to get past all this supposed academia, i'll do it.

the rub, as they say, is that many jobs these days require at least a four year degree in order to be considered for hiring. to date i have had the same unfortunate incident happen to me at least twice: i get recommended for a job, i get offered the job based on my experience, the people in charge find out about my lack of degree, the job offer gets retracted. they would rather have someone who "shows they can complete a goal" in the job. (and these aren't specialized things like career-track stuff... just JOBS.) then i get the lecture again about how i should go back and finish.

i am juvenile. this lecture activates an immediate NO! NO! NO! FUCK OFF!!! in my head. if i can run a business and teach kids and direct a play, sometimes all at the same time, don't i show the capability to complete a goal? just because i have experience out in the world instead of in the classroom, it is assumed that i am uneducated and flaky. would these people prefer to pass on the person they chose and go with someone else based on a little piece of paper? apparently so.

not that there's anything wrong with going to college. in my twenties, i took classes here and there because i wanted to learn something. it started to add up and i found myself with enough credits for a two year degree in history. from there i took a lot of things related to sociology and political science. it was interesting and fun. then i came to the point that my choices were narrowed. my path took me in other directions and i chose to to wander away from college and explore my options. it's no wonder so many kids hate school these days. now in my thirties, i see that academic credentialization is just a money racket like the john casablancas modeling school.

they push you through so you can get a job. you find out that two years, four years, even six years isn't enough anymore. it's all for the master plan of a dissertation on shit. (once again, i am speaking of "just jobs" and not those in a specialized field, so all my friends with masters and doctoral degrees can forgive me, please.) if you don't get past the four year hurdle, you get told the same thing every time: "it doesn't matter what kind of degree you have, so long as you have one to show you can follow through on a project." so you go to an advisor and tell them you just need to get finished as fast as possible for a job, and they look at you with disdain. they don't understand what it's like to really need that piece of paper in order to make more than ten dollars an hour. they keep missing the news on the economy. they have tenure and think that you should just learn how to grasp the joy of learning. they grade by weight.

no one fucking grades by weight in real life! they grade by productivity, by speed, by quality of service. everyone has a C average during working hours. it's up to you to create a higher bell curve by living your life to the fullest. if you have fulfillment in the things you do outside of work, you get a shiny gold star. if your heart is big and you care for others, you get massive extra credit. and yes, if your career is something that makes you excited to be alive, you've just gotten a higher grade as well.

to tell me that it doesn't matter what my education is, so long as i can bring out the dancing poodles... that's just crap. how fucking insulting can you get? in spite of all appearances to the contrary, i take education very seriously. it's not just an orderly notch in my bedpost on the way to a job. to grade me by weight only shows that you aren't paying attention to anything more than a page number. if you want a volume of tiresome bullshit, go read the directions for how to use your new cell phone. sure, you'll find a useful nugget buried in it, but wouldn't you rather just pick it up and use the damn thing? i would, but i'm realistic that way.

will i finish my degree? yes. eventually. in the fastest way humanly possible. i'll vie for any credit i can squeeze out of them and take whatever piece of paper they give me in the end. i won't worry about the merits of studying sociology or politics. "just get it over with" is going to be my new mantra. practical, efficient, speedy. that's what my new educational goals are from now on. grade point averages be damned, i will be done with it. dance, monkey, dance! that's what i'll say to myself when i'm passing those last few required courses. someday.


what i'm contemplating with more seriousness:
it's almost lent and i love a challenge. even though i'm not a catholic anymore, it's a good opportunity to push myself. last year's "no buying clothes" drive was a success that ended up with me giving my new shoes money away to charity. what to go for this year?