cat update: mr. bubbas is self-petting with the front of my left shoulder while purring away like a chainsaw. stuart copeland has his face burrowed into my right elbow as if the world is too bright for him. princess dizzy is sitting on the new rug a few feet away, staring in contempt of the boys' neediness. it's hard to type with two cats on your desk and a third passing judgment nearby. on with the show!!!
after my job interview, i started doing research to figure out what's going on with my college degree. i knew i was close, but just how close would probably make some people sick with "oh just finish it already!" syndrome. my guess was correct: one heavily loaded semester? maybe two at part time? go ahead and shoot me now. i got too busy with my shop and theatre projects and other things that were more engaging than school.
so now i'm left with an almost-completed degree that should be done by now and people telling me how there are consequences to my actions and still not much desire to ever write another paper. school papers are often graded by weight. (this many pages is an A, this many is a B, and so on...) how is it going to do anyone any good for me to count the number of pages i write in an attempt to get an education? and furthermore, if i can find a loophole - changing to a bigger font, ridiculously massive block quoting, taking a lower grade in place of writing a paper - to get past all this supposed academia, i'll do it.
the rub, as they say, is that many jobs these days require at least a four year degree in order to be considered for hiring. to date i have had the same unfortunate incident happen to me at least twice: i get recommended for a job, i get offered the job based on my experience, the people in charge find out about my lack of degree, the job offer gets retracted. they would rather have someone who "shows they can complete a goal" in the job. (and these aren't specialized things like career-track stuff... just JOBS.) then i get the lecture again about how i should go back and finish.
i am juvenile. this lecture activates an immediate NO! NO! NO! FUCK OFF!!! in my head. if i can run a business and teach kids and direct a play, sometimes all at the same time, don't i show the capability to complete a goal? just because i have experience out in the world instead of in the classroom, it is assumed that i am uneducated and flaky. would these people prefer to pass on the person they chose and go with someone else based on a little piece of paper? apparently so.
not that there's anything wrong with going to college. in my twenties, i took classes here and there because i wanted to learn something. it started to add up and i found myself with enough credits for a two year degree in history. from there i took a lot of things related to sociology and political science. it was interesting and fun. then i came to the point that my choices were narrowed. my path took me in other directions and i chose to to wander away from college and explore my options. it's no wonder so many kids hate school these days. now in my thirties, i see that academic credentialization is just a money racket like the john casablancas modeling school.
they push you through so you can get a job. you find out that two years, four years, even six years isn't enough anymore. it's all for the master plan of a dissertation on shit. (once again, i am speaking of "just jobs" and not those in a specialized field, so all my friends with masters and doctoral degrees can forgive me, please.) if you don't get past the four year hurdle, you get told the same thing every time: "it doesn't matter what kind of degree you have, so long as you have one to show you can follow through on a project." so you go to an advisor and tell them you just need to get finished as fast as possible for a job, and they look at you with disdain. they don't understand what it's like to really need that piece of paper in order to make more than ten dollars an hour. they keep missing the news on the economy. they have tenure and think that you should just learn how to grasp the joy of learning. they grade by weight.
no one fucking grades by weight in real life! they grade by productivity, by speed, by quality of service. everyone has a C average during working hours. it's up to you to create a higher bell curve by living your life to the fullest. if you have fulfillment in the things you do outside of work, you get a shiny gold star. if your heart is big and you care for others, you get massive extra credit. and yes, if your career is something that makes you excited to be alive, you've just gotten a higher grade as well.
to tell me that it doesn't matter what my education is, so long as i can bring out the dancing poodles... that's just crap. how fucking insulting can you get? in spite of all appearances to the contrary, i take education very seriously. it's not just an orderly notch in my bedpost on the way to a job. to grade me by weight only shows that you aren't paying attention to anything more than a page number. if you want a volume of tiresome bullshit, go read the directions for how to use your new cell phone. sure, you'll find a useful nugget buried in it, but wouldn't you rather just pick it up and use the damn thing? i would, but i'm realistic that way.
will i finish my degree? yes. eventually. in the fastest way humanly possible. i'll vie for any credit i can squeeze out of them and take whatever piece of paper they give me in the end. i won't worry about the merits of studying sociology or politics. "just get it over with" is going to be my new mantra. practical, efficient, speedy. that's what my new educational goals are from now on. grade point averages be damned, i will be done with it. dance, monkey, dance! that's what i'll say to myself when i'm passing those last few required courses. someday.
what i'm contemplating with more seriousness:
it's almost lent and i love a challenge. even though i'm not a catholic anymore, it's a good opportunity to push myself. last year's "no buying clothes" drive was a success that ended up with me giving my new shoes money away to charity. what to go for this year?
5 comments:
Wow! Look how much you wrote about some idiot employer needing a piece of paper. Just think how well you'll do writing all those papers in school. :)
1. I think somebody said something to Thoreau about the importance of universities because they teach the "branches of education," but Thoreau replied, "What about the roots?" I think you have invested more of your energy towards the roots. That's a good thing.
2. I actually thought you had fewer classes to take than all that. No wonder you've been putting it off! But you can do it. Take some classes that catch your interest & you'll be okay.
3. You should know that the larger-font trick doesn't work anymore. Professors will instruct you which font to use & the proper size of that font, too, in order to keep people from cheating.
4. The best thing about getting your degree is just having it all over & done with. No longer will that weight hang over your head! No longer will it linger on your Life's To-Do List. It'll be a huge relief. Truly.
Oh yeah, I say JUST DO IT. Trust me, life in a blue collar gig leaves MUCH to be desired.
Being in the same boat I have no real backup,,, but,,, Get get it girl!. You have already written several books worth of stuff. What's a few papers more going to harm?
Prove you're the "Smart Sheep" of the family! ;-) The Black Sheep spot was already taken long ago.
jenny, i'm making you go back to school with me!
mary, there is always a loophole, even in the font issue. trust me.
bonnie, what color is the collar in the service industry?
chris, it's the fault of people around me. you're all bad successful influences on why i haven't had to finish yet! :)
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