sidney poitier doing the grocery shopping will always be my idol, but...

when i grow up, i think i want to be michael caine. so does holly. we've decided to make him our shining beacon of light in the world. when are sidney and caine going to do us all a favor and make a super-fun buddy movie together? it could be sort of like "priscilla, queen of the desert" with someone like de niro or walken thrown in just for laughs. it's like i always say: every show needs a number. they could totally do a little song and dance together. yep yep yep, that would be heaven on feeeeelm.

this week has been spent in waiting. we are waiting for the "moment of clarity" to arrive and tell us what to do and when to do it. you know how it goes, right? you toss around in bed for several nights with no sleep trying to figure out your life. you wince through every day in exhaustion for no good reason until you collapse into an impenetrable slumber. you recover just enough stamina to go on with normal life. one morning at about 4 a.m. (or your personal equivalent of said time in the sleep cycle) you wake up with a start, talk to yourself in total clarity, and then go back to sleep. you're resting like you never have before because everything has suddenly come together for you. this is the precise moment where the big change in your life decides to begin without fear or regret. this is the obstacle you've been looking to hurdle over in order to get on with getting on with it. most importantly, this is the few essential seconds that make you feel more at ease in the coming weeks each time you think you might be doubting yourself. the only agony is in waiting for it to appear.

woe to me. all this twiddling of my brain makes me confused and whiny. oh how i hate that side of myself. whining is one of the least attractive qualities in a voice, and even worse when that voice is inside your own head. surely i'm not the only person around who bemoans the fact that they have more choices than they rightfully should and ends up getting in a tizzy over them. how spoiled of me. as some of you have heard me mutter before when i'm feeling anxious, "coffee, coffee, coffee..." that sentiment covers it for now.

speaking of scooby doo, i heart pop culture. references from bad eighties communist movies are the best, aren't they? don't ask me to explain. i might have to out even more of my extremely bad taste in late night cable. better to let me have the guise of the highbrow once in a while. besides, you can figure it out if you try hard enough. hehehehehehe.

today's random poll:
so what are YOUR top three michael caine movies?

job interviews still suck

remember how much i hate to make decisions? not so much the ones that are of the ho-hum variety, or even the completely drastic ones (like moving states on a coin flip) are the ones that bother me the most. it's the things that just seem as if they could change your life completely, but are really just the transistions of life. sure, they do have the ability to change things in a radical way, but they could just as easily end up being kinda inconsequential. those are the sucky decisions to make. they irk me. they make me feel icky and depressed. they bug me when they really shouldn't cut into my day. i hate making decisions like that.

ugh ugh ugh. so i made an exception on this type of decision for once and applied for the promotion. this afternoon i even had an interview. how did it go? job interviews do not normally go all that well for me. i spend a good deal of the time feeling fake and humiliated, only to be tortured in the end by my own anxiety and leaving the interview wanting to go home and crawl into bed. most of the time i exactly that afterwards. this was a step up in that the panel (did i mention there were three of them?) already knew me and my work style, thus sparing me the judgment of an awful first impression. it also helped to know that the worst thing to happen would be that i just keep my current job, which i actually like, and go on from there knowing that i at least gave it a shot. in short, i had nothing to lose.

we'll see how the chips fall and i'll go from there. it's nice to know that - for a change - making a decision still gives me a variety of options. how odd, right? i still hate making those kinds of decisions. i still hate job interviews. i still make myself fret needlessly and end up being wiggy. blech. BUT... it's important to push yourself when you don't think you have any idea what you're doing. i know what eleanor roosevelt would tell me, and she always was a pretty hip chick.


what i watch when i need to let it all out:
BABE!

things i likee likee and things that make me barf-o-licious

cookies. any questions? didn't think so.
being made to take off shoes upon entering a house. WHY?!?
flipping through random books and magazines - woohoo!
sweating. blech, no fun.
buying cheap original artwork inspires me.
making decisions? BOOOOO, HISS.
sleeping in late for a change makes me smile.
harry potter = yuck.
RARE STEAK... yay!
my kitties. you know i love them, but i wish they would stop laying on me in the middle of he night when i'm already sweating like a fat girl with the vapors. get off my pillow, please. no. really. i mean it. pu-llllease. you are warm, kitties. really really warm. get off my freaking head while i'm trying to sleep.


which parts of my body are asleep right now:
my right thigh and left foot and calf. oh, the pain. they're waking up and it hurts. pins and needles! AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

attack of the waffle

move to a new place, stay here and don't pack.
go to bed early, stay up late.
keep my red hair, dye it darker again.
apply for a promotion, keep my same job.
buy a house, don't buy a house.
get motivated, sit in a lifeless puddle.
vote for someone i don't like, vote against someone i don't like.
paper, plastic.

does anyone have a coin i can borrow?


my latest dorky purchases:
the cute book!
bossy bear
liquid stitch

the veronica episode, the midget brigade, and the return of the spice girls

hi there.

my name is george and this is the little spot where i spout away about all the self-indulgent "feeeeelings" and stuff like that which rule my life. no no no... that's not right. this is the place where i post photos of me with my new hair and you shout "ooh la la isn't she pretty?" in amazement and delight. wait, that isn't it either, is it? hmph. this could be the spot where i give an update about stoopid shit in my life and make a few witty observations here and there so that my peeps who live far away can say hi from time to time without having to actually commit to much more than a comment box, since you're probably reading it when i'm asleep anyway, but i know that you really did want to say hello.

yes, that one sounds good. it's hard to remember after such a long absence. really, i'm here and you're there and i'm not dangling off a bridge or anything drastic like that, but you'll probably once again browse this while i'm asleep. or perhaps while i'm at work. in any case, i am still here. so hi there back.

major events of the last month:

• veronica and travis were here - yayayayayayayayay!!! we were cheesiness personified on our foray into touristy stuff. the gum wall inspires awe in all who see it. the ducks were divine. we looked for cheese-on-a-stick to no avail, but did manage to stuff them with lots of good F-U-D anyway. like mary, they were unimpressed with the space needle. thank goodness no one who comes here to see us wants to go up in that stupid thing.
  
• people decided to blow up fireworks across the street from our house. this would have been fine for a while, but TWO HOURS? it scared the cats, and the police were no fucking help since they took over an hour to get here and rolled up about ten minutes after the jerkoffs finally went away. fuckers... all of them.
  
• i had my life threatened at work. a crazy lady wanted to shank me in the eyeball with a ballpoint pen. other than the obvious shock value of it all, the whole situation was strangely uneventful. i'm considering asking for combat pay one of these days. oh, and did i mention that i still hate junkies? the potential shanker wasn't a junkie - merely totally insane - but i thought i should just reiterate that point since there are so many of them lurking in the area.
  
• the little peoples' association had their national conference in the area, so there was some good midget spotting going on that week. one of my coworkers thought i was going to bust a gut with excitement at the banker-type-looking scottish midget who came in one day. midget invasion! eee!
• there is an opportunity for me to possibly get a promotion at work. it's still undecided as to whether i'm really going to try for it or not, but it's under consideration. on the one hand, i could get paid more. on the other hand, i might have to act like a responsible person at work. like, on purpose. not just because i have good work ethic and shit. blech, quelle dilemma.
• alice and milana and me (or is it i? for fuck's sake, i can never remember the me vs. i rules anymore. someone help me out here please.) went to see "harry and the potters" in concert this weekend. if you've never experienced this phenomenon, check and see if they're coming to a library near you. while i am not personally a harry potter person, it's a real sight to see that's worth the time and effort.
• rumour has it the spice girls are getting back together. wheee!
  

as far as the rest of life, it's a blur of the everyday. did YOU see scott baio is 45... and single on vh1 yet? oh you must simply must see it. more "so bad it's good - no wait, it's fucking awesome!" programming from the channel that knows our inner demons even better than we do. life around the apartment is ho-hum and okey dokey. i think that derek's world of warcraft addiction has subsided a bit. at least he looks at me and speaks to me in full sentences again. he works, i work, the cats sleep. you know, normal stuff.

surely something will happen this week. it tends to fall that way for me. i'll give you the update if i have to do any takedowns or mow people down on the road.