remember how much i hate to make decisions? not so much the ones that are of the ho-hum variety, or even the completely drastic ones (like moving states on a coin flip) are the ones that bother me the most. it's the things that just seem as if they could change your life completely, but are really just the transistions of life. sure, they do have the ability to change things in a radical way, but they could just as easily end up being kinda inconsequential. those are the sucky decisions to make. they irk me. they make me feel icky and depressed. they bug me when they really shouldn't cut into my day. i hate making decisions like that.
ugh ugh ugh. so i made an exception on this type of decision for once and applied for the promotion. this afternoon i even had an interview. how did it go? job interviews do not normally go all that well for me. i spend a good deal of the time feeling fake and humiliated, only to be tortured in the end by my own anxiety and leaving the interview wanting to go home and crawl into bed. most of the time i exactly that afterwards. this was a step up in that the panel (did i mention there were three of them?) already knew me and my work style, thus sparing me the judgment of an awful first impression. it also helped to know that the worst thing to happen would be that i just keep my current job, which i actually like, and go on from there knowing that i at least gave it a shot. in short, i had nothing to lose.
we'll see how the chips fall and i'll go from there. it's nice to know that - for a change - making a decision still gives me a variety of options. how odd, right? i still hate making those kinds of decisions. i still hate job interviews. i still make myself fret needlessly and end up being wiggy. blech. BUT... it's important to push yourself when you don't think you have any idea what you're doing. i know what eleanor roosevelt would tell me, and she always was a pretty hip chick.
what i watch when i need to let it all out:
BABE!
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