you know how when you have a lot to do, and you're totally getting a lot done, when you skip a task because you're so damn busy - you feel like you're not getting anything at all done? uhhh, but maybe that's just me. i'm fascinated by a paradox like that. so now i'm in that thing where one of my bajillion juggling balls drop and i screech in a panic until i get some cheese to calm me down.
somewhere in all this i've managed to let my friendships wither to rather slim amounts of communication. i wanna scream out "I'M SORRY!" to all of my peeps at once. i know that in reality they will forgive me for going into my hole and being all mysterious and shit. i'm not mad at anyone, i'm not depressed, i don't have any major breakdowns scheduled for the present moment, so i don't want anyone to worry about me. i think i just have a touch of information overload that makes me retreat to my own little world the second i hit the door at night.
there is an interesting phenomenon that happens to me when i get really busy. sure i'm out there and talking to people and getting messages and hearing my phone beep all the time and... and... and... i feel disappointing and isolated somehow. it's funny how being so jacked in to so much stuff can put you in such a solitary haze. i think i even wrote a paper on this not so long ago when i was still in college. ironic how i've fallen victim to the very thing i've warned myself about in the past. you would think i would see it coming.
this leads to a whole other discussion about ironic isolation induced by living in a techno-glutted world, but i'll leave that one for another time. scott and i have had an ongoing thing about this for years. it's like a whole dissertation that should be saved for the possibility of further tortured times of education.
for now, i'll just apologize for for being a hermit to my actual life and admit that i need to keep up with people and stop making excuses for why i would rather crash on the sofa, forcing stuart copeland and mr. bubbas to watch endless amounts of bad television with me in the middle of the night while i get other work done. the cats would be happy to see me having a life as long as it doesn't interfere with their shedding and eating schedules. but you peeps still like me, right? i swear i haven't been eaten by a black hole or a giant octopus. and besides, it's opening night for one of the shows i'm directing (yes, i am on two different projects right now outside of work, because i'm an idiot) and i fell the three o'clock jitters lurking in the background. love me, i beg of you!
other things to catch up on:
the recycling is getting restless
thank you notes are polite
cats need a nail clipping
01 October 2010
18 September 2010
weekendyish
today is a lazy day. i keep wondering how i get so exhausted when it feels like i don't get much of anything done. true enough, i do have somewhat of a tight schedule, but does running from place to place and taking little notes on my steno pad count as large amounts of activity?
stuart copeland has become quite chatty as of late. he has the wimpiest voice ever, so this new development obviously fills me with glee. his meow is like that of a teeny tiny kitten. eee! hearing that come out of a twelve pound ball of fuzz is enough to make anyone melt.
you would be proud of me. not only did i get some decent books read before the next book salon, but one of them was even a fiction novel. that is so not the norm for me. i don't know when i made the leap to primarily reading non-fiction, but it's hard for me to do any fiction longer than a short story these days. i can tell you that confessions of an ugly stepsister was worth the effort for me. maybe i'll even try another one this month.
the new job is going along swimmingly so far. they think i'm doing something right, i still have a job, and everyone seems pleased. fingers crossed for more progress.
think i should hit the greek festival today. already have plans to go see this opera preview thingy this evening before i go off to a coffeehouse. me, busy? never.
indulgence of wonderfulness:
sushi boat!
stuart copeland has become quite chatty as of late. he has the wimpiest voice ever, so this new development obviously fills me with glee. his meow is like that of a teeny tiny kitten. eee! hearing that come out of a twelve pound ball of fuzz is enough to make anyone melt.
you would be proud of me. not only did i get some decent books read before the next book salon, but one of them was even a fiction novel. that is so not the norm for me. i don't know when i made the leap to primarily reading non-fiction, but it's hard for me to do any fiction longer than a short story these days. i can tell you that confessions of an ugly stepsister was worth the effort for me. maybe i'll even try another one this month.
the new job is going along swimmingly so far. they think i'm doing something right, i still have a job, and everyone seems pleased. fingers crossed for more progress.
think i should hit the greek festival today. already have plans to go see this opera preview thingy this evening before i go off to a coffeehouse. me, busy? never.
indulgence of wonderfulness:
sushi boat!
04 September 2010
where does the time go?
it almost feels as if the past month has slipped away from me. i've gotten a new job, a new computer, a new keyboard that i haven't quite bonded with just yet, and it feels like there is a whole new season finally beginning. some people see autumn as the end of things, but i think that's when the world begins anew for me. after a few months of drudgery and sweating, i can finally breathe.
i'm sure if i look back to each of my autumn postings, i would see that same theme again, too. at the start of each calendar year, i take time to see where i have been and where i'm headed, and when lent comes to me, i decide which modifications i wanna make in my life, but it's really this time of year that seems to breed real change for me. it also turns out to be the busiest time in my life.
new theatre season and opening parties. new employment. new contract jobs to go along with said employment. new technology, both purchased and learned. new opportunities for me to do new stuff. new ways for me to be a complete jackass. new contacts every week. it's a bit overwhelming, really, to think of my sponge-like absorbency of information in the past few weeks. no wonder i slept well into the afternoon today. ah yes, the joys of being a "growed-up" type. first i lay around for hours on my day off, then i eat pb&j for breakfast.... i mean brunch, all while watching ripley saving newt and corbin saving leeloo. moooll-teee-passsss.
oh, and i got to go backwards this week, too. remember how you always wanted to cut class just to hang out in the rooms with the cool kids? i spent the whole day on thursday in high school art and drama rooms (as part of my new job - no shit, man!) and got to hear an author's lecture to boot. high school is way more fun when you're pushing 40. amy sedaris was definitely on to something good.
my totally exciting week also included rearranging the living room and getting a new cup. am i fabulous or what? oh, and then there are those pesky things like work, rehearsals, and the occasional brushing of my hair. somewhere in all that i found time to commit to judging little children in a halloween costume contest, because i'm of the few people in town who's not afraid to make the little darlings cry on their little pillows. tonight i'm off to the theatre to see some friends in a promisingly kitschy show. there's nothing like prison girls, right?
project of the week:
hanging my first art show at the new gig
i'm sure if i look back to each of my autumn postings, i would see that same theme again, too. at the start of each calendar year, i take time to see where i have been and where i'm headed, and when lent comes to me, i decide which modifications i wanna make in my life, but it's really this time of year that seems to breed real change for me. it also turns out to be the busiest time in my life.
new theatre season and opening parties. new employment. new contract jobs to go along with said employment. new technology, both purchased and learned. new opportunities for me to do new stuff. new ways for me to be a complete jackass. new contacts every week. it's a bit overwhelming, really, to think of my sponge-like absorbency of information in the past few weeks. no wonder i slept well into the afternoon today. ah yes, the joys of being a "growed-up" type. first i lay around for hours on my day off, then i eat pb&j for breakfast.... i mean brunch, all while watching ripley saving newt and corbin saving leeloo. moooll-teee-passsss.
oh, and i got to go backwards this week, too. remember how you always wanted to cut class just to hang out in the rooms with the cool kids? i spent the whole day on thursday in high school art and drama rooms (as part of my new job - no shit, man!) and got to hear an author's lecture to boot. high school is way more fun when you're pushing 40. amy sedaris was definitely on to something good.
my totally exciting week also included rearranging the living room and getting a new cup. am i fabulous or what? oh, and then there are those pesky things like work, rehearsals, and the occasional brushing of my hair. somewhere in all that i found time to commit to judging little children in a halloween costume contest, because i'm of the few people in town who's not afraid to make the little darlings cry on their little pillows. tonight i'm off to the theatre to see some friends in a promisingly kitschy show. there's nothing like prison girls, right?
project of the week:
hanging my first art show at the new gig
03 July 2010
happy birthday, country
for some reason, my reverent side has poked its node into my business. i've inadvertently become party to a debate about independence day. as a holiday, i'm not really into it. too much beer and partying and not enough remembering the reasons behind why it's there. this year i'm going to spend some time reading historical documents and thinking. maybe i'll even wander off to the library today to stare at some historical maps that show the changes we've gone through over the years. i heart maps - they have so much information! between that and the constitution, i could get lost for hours. see you next winter.
okay, so if it doesn't storm (as expected) then i'll prolly go out on the fire escape and also watch the pretty pretty lights in the sky as well. who doesn't like shiny fireworks? hmmm, could be that plenty of people don't like them, but that was a rhetorical question anyway. but i don't like the lake or huge parties with crowds of idiots or traffic with shitty drivers or that other stuff. it's nice to be able to celebrate from the comfort of my building. after being here for a while now, it's getting a homey feel to me. can you believe it's been this long since we've moved around the country? i feel downright settled.
now it's other people's turns to move and leave me here. megan had to retire from the ballet earlier this spring due to persistent injuries, so she decided that she wants to go to college and started applying all over the place. i can't wait for her to turn into some linguistics geek, but she got in to a ritzy college on the east coast, so they'll be off and moving in a couple of months. it makes me sickly grateful that she had to have another surgery and thus needs some company to keep her entertained over the summer. now her whole family is going to be on the east coast with nick and i'll be waving in the wheat and heat with derek. time for a vacation? that would be a definite yes.
with most of my peeps on each coast, what's a girl to do? for a while were we gypsies without the stevie nicks accoutrements and covered caravans. now we're stable and planted, which would normally freak me out in the worst way. have i become rigid? am i in a rut? some days i have to remind myself that it's okay to have an absence of chaos in my life.
chaos is like crack to me, a kryptonite that i can't seem to shake. there's this one side of me that has a very regimented schedule all done up in color coding (thank you vee! you rock!) and notations, but the other side of me truly needs the unexpected to fall in my lap. it must come from my ability to get bored with things. although i've never had a gift for balancing the total onslaught of stimuli with the scent of the familiar, it keeps things interesting. poor derek. how it must suck for him on days when he just wants to lay around with no pants and i'm all up in a tizzy with twitchiness.
speaking of twitchy, i'm waiting to hear back about the job interview. i've gone beyond my superstitious side into actually thinking positively on this one. ack! i'm so used to waiting for the other shoe to drop... on my head. honestly, this was the most comfortable interview i've ever had, which is saying a lot for me. i normally start babbling about really weird shit when i get nervous and blow it right there. things seemed to go smoothly enough and it's a hopeful situation, so we'll see.
anybody got one extra sparkler i can have? i do like those.
random fact about me:
i hate it when the microwave timer doesn't get reset after use.
okay, so if it doesn't storm (as expected) then i'll prolly go out on the fire escape and also watch the pretty pretty lights in the sky as well. who doesn't like shiny fireworks? hmmm, could be that plenty of people don't like them, but that was a rhetorical question anyway. but i don't like the lake or huge parties with crowds of idiots or traffic with shitty drivers or that other stuff. it's nice to be able to celebrate from the comfort of my building. after being here for a while now, it's getting a homey feel to me. can you believe it's been this long since we've moved around the country? i feel downright settled.
now it's other people's turns to move and leave me here. megan had to retire from the ballet earlier this spring due to persistent injuries, so she decided that she wants to go to college and started applying all over the place. i can't wait for her to turn into some linguistics geek, but she got in to a ritzy college on the east coast, so they'll be off and moving in a couple of months. it makes me sickly grateful that she had to have another surgery and thus needs some company to keep her entertained over the summer. now her whole family is going to be on the east coast with nick and i'll be waving in the wheat and heat with derek. time for a vacation? that would be a definite yes.
with most of my peeps on each coast, what's a girl to do? for a while were we gypsies without the stevie nicks accoutrements and covered caravans. now we're stable and planted, which would normally freak me out in the worst way. have i become rigid? am i in a rut? some days i have to remind myself that it's okay to have an absence of chaos in my life.
chaos is like crack to me, a kryptonite that i can't seem to shake. there's this one side of me that has a very regimented schedule all done up in color coding (thank you vee! you rock!) and notations, but the other side of me truly needs the unexpected to fall in my lap. it must come from my ability to get bored with things. although i've never had a gift for balancing the total onslaught of stimuli with the scent of the familiar, it keeps things interesting. poor derek. how it must suck for him on days when he just wants to lay around with no pants and i'm all up in a tizzy with twitchiness.
speaking of twitchy, i'm waiting to hear back about the job interview. i've gone beyond my superstitious side into actually thinking positively on this one. ack! i'm so used to waiting for the other shoe to drop... on my head. honestly, this was the most comfortable interview i've ever had, which is saying a lot for me. i normally start babbling about really weird shit when i get nervous and blow it right there. things seemed to go smoothly enough and it's a hopeful situation, so we'll see.
anybody got one extra sparkler i can have? i do like those.
random fact about me:
i hate it when the microwave timer doesn't get reset after use.
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