by saturday night, i came home and stared. my body piled itself on the sofa and i drooled while the cats did some self-petting head butts at my elbows. and hands. it wasn't that i had done some kind of strenuous physical activity, but more that i hadn't seen my own house in what seemed like weeks. there is a special word that i have no grasp on when asked to volunteer for things. NO. in this, i manage to overcommit myself to everything i can think of to do. result? me drooling on the sofa.
each time this happens, the reaction is similar to that of a weekend alcoholic with a hangover. "i'm never gonna do this again!" and just like that binge drinker, i fall victim to my own follies again and again without thought to the repeated vow made to lighten up on everything. what the hell is wrong with my brain? does it think that running ragged is a lifestyle choice?!? oh sure, i can SAY that taking on more isn't an option, but then it just feels like being lazy and selfish... to simply take a day off from being the super duper version of me. lately i've had a few people ask me when my burnout phase is going to come, as if it is inevitable. in an effort to stave off the complete breakdown i have scheduled mini breakdowns for more convenient times so that i won't end up in fetal position with my shower spraying me in the face while i am fully clothed and muttering random song lyrics. now really, that would be a spectacular burnout, but who has the time for it?
when you look at my calendar, it doesn't seem too daunting. there isn't much of an overlap on items, plenty of blank spots that don't involve times i should be asleep, and most all of my appointments are in legible handwriting. it's amazing - how does a girl with so little to do get so much done and feel as if she hasn't done anything, all while managing to stay up too late because she was out past eleven (almost) every night getting things done? not really sure when my schedule became the riddle of the sphinx, but it's a paradox, i tell you.
going with my usual silliness, i'm looking at the pages for this week and wondering when i'm going to take a break. oh, wait! i have that scheduled for next month! just a few more weeks until glorious freedom... and a whole new set of commitments that i've made without consulting my own damn brain or my calendar. however, like any good alcoholic, i promise never to do this to myself again.
today's big task:
VOTE!
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