random side notes - chapter twenty three

as far as i can remember, i've addressed my resolutions from the last new year. i do think about my posture, i've learned how to be quiet and breathe sometimes, and i'm starting a new (very small so far) business. surely there's something i'm leaving out, but this seems like a fair beginning. i'm going to try and set realistic goals for myself again in the coming year.

the handbrake is fine. it just needed to warm up for an extended period of time until the cable would release. there was some slipping around in my little vw, but my lovely blue hair (the name for my car) goes pretty well in the snow. she's like a sled that rides about three inches off the ground, light enough to slide and light enough to stop. everyone else was thankfully just as paranoid about the roads.

i still need a haircut.

my business cards came in this week! derek helped to design them and i found that i liked doing something business-oriented together again. we make a pretty good team. the cards are cute and nerdy at the same time, just like us.

tim and mary came over for brunch yesterday. not only did i successfully chop things without injury, but i cooked edible food for everyone. it's great to be able to do something for your friends who've driven across the country to see people so you can show them how much you like them. then we hung around being fabulous all over town. traci finally got her car out of the garage with a hair dryer so that we could meet up with her and give mary some surprise yarn from the big bag o' homeless goods.

i've been thinking about getting back into my sketching. ryan saw some of my old pieces when she came over and had productive feedback. visual arts are usually intimidating to me because i feel like i have no idea what i'm doing. it's like any arts thing that makes me confused. fuck it. who cares if it's any good? i'm so tired of feeling discouraged from things that i maybe do or maybe don't have any clue about what's the right way to do things. if i waited to figure things out and followed all the rules i would never get anything done. my cautious side has never been that kind to me. it's a paralyzing force in my life that feeds on my fears. my impulsive side makes me do scary things. it gets me into lots of trouble, but also makes me think in a "how hard could it be? kind of way. how do i temper the two? i want to jump off cliffs and scream like a crazy person without losing my critical editorial eye by saying yes to everything. maybe i should buy a bungee cord.

you know what else makes me confused? terms like postmodern or deconstructionist. i admit it - i have no earthly idea what the hell people are talking about when they say this stuff. am i just supposed to nod my head and wiggle an eyebrow to prove how hip i am on these subjects? can anybody out there explain this shit to me?!?! julie and barbara say that i talk in a conceptual manner, but these fancy highbrow concepts just escape me.

i'm also not a fan of shakespeare. or jazz... except maybe the charlie brown variety. i don't have a deep and abiding love for tom waits and kate bush. i mean, they're okay sometimes, but at other times i just don't get it. i'm willing to admit to being a goofball. let's face it - my favorite band was totally a major top 40 success. i like to find high art in pop culture and the everyday profanity in art. being shallow does that to me.

in honor of liz: i ate brown cow cream top coffee yogurt and leftover homemade blueberry muffins from yesterday's brunch for breakfast this morning. hehehe

d'oh! just remembered that i have an extra special birthday present for alice that i forgot to mail to her! whoops. you'd think that if i'm going to be an organizer then i could get my own life in order. the cobbler's children must have shoes! and so i'm cleaning out my file cabinet today as well, which should be sweet revenge for derek after he did his last week. maybe i'll have another clearance of crafty bits. there should be enough in there to make an excellent collage.


the gadget report:
we heart the sodastream fizzy thing. my recycling closet is like, totally empty compared to before. derek is still mountain dew free and i'm actually drinking water.