the first thing you need to make a home is a place to rest you weary head. if you're like me, other people tend to underestimate your ability to sleep. personally, i can fall asleep just about anywhere; the list includes hardwood floors, afterhours clubs, sidewalks, butterfly chairs, and even swings in a park. rest is good for you. take it seriously. maybe you could even spring for a new fluffy pillow to cushion your inevitable collapse. in any case, just fall down and catch some zzz's here and there. insert rejuvenation here.
the next thing you'll need is a new shower curtain. if you have the unfortunate status of being stuck with stall doors, then you can improvise by decorating the bathroom mirror with clings or getting yourself some new scrubbies or extra washcloths. oh, and don't forget to bring some good toilet paper. your digestive system is always completely out of whack after a move. need i elaborate? i think not.
somewhere in between pushing all those boxes of stuff around (whose shit IS all this, anyway?!?) it'll be time to take a break. whatever you choose as your poison, a must have in this instance is your own special cup. it might be a holdover from your time as a little kid that instills the need for MINE MINE MINE in a dish. it could be that you need something you can actually locate when it's time to sit on the floor and wonder how long it'll be before you'll allow anyone to see the new place. perhaps it's just that whole thing where you just want to know that you have a personal space amidst the bedlam. whichever option you believe, get a cup and fucking stick with it for a few days. but don't forget to rinse it out.
by this point, your new house is starting to take some sort of shape. you've probably found your underpants and gotten your internet access on legs. there's a donation box started somewhere, if only you could tell the difference between that box and the one with all the old tape and other garbage in it. you're starting to figure out which key goes to what and you're at least thinking about the groceries that need to go in the fridge. soon. when you get to the store. maybe tomorrow if you remember and have time. that can of beans from the last place is still in the running for dinner if you don't get a better offer, ya know. you must have packed all those condiments for a reason, right? surely no one in this house spent good money on cream of chicken soup. i wonder if HP sauce is good on a tortilla or if it's better to dip a triscuit in peanut butter and then... hold on a second. did i digress?
so before you explore the spice cabinet any longer, step back and walk around. look at all that blank space you've got. no no no, not on the floor. the floor is a fucking mess and you're thinking about bubble wrap as your new pillow because you haven't made it out to buy another one yet. i'm talking about that blank space on the walls. yessssss! THAT space! now get out your hammer and start making some holes. not the big kind. the kind with nails and screws and picture hanger thingies. then stick some photos and posters and maps and hooks and goodness knows what else to all your brand new sticky-outies! oh, and you can even use the all the stuff left behind by the last person's whatnots. take that as i mean it - not how it sounds. just stick it.
put up all your favorite shit and give your new home some good lovin' so that when you do collapse on your bubble wrap with your cup stuck to the side of your face (you forgot to rinse it out, didn't you?) and then wake up ready for a shower and some, uhhh, toilet paper, you can pass by everything and think to yourself, "hey, i really fucking live here now. wooohooooo!" because you do, and now you know it.
just remember where you put your tools.
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